I recently visited my 86 year old dad in FL in July and all seemed well with him. He briefly complained about some leg pain and had a bad back ache one day which I chalked up to possible dehydration as he had sat outside in the 90 degree temps and didn't drink near enough. He was "diagnosed" with prostrate cancer several years ago. I put that in quotations because he would never get the biopsy done. The doctors treated him with HT and then he was changed to taking a chemo pill. He was still active and driving. Then this past weekend he ended up in ER twice because of severe back pain. The ER took an xray and when my sister looked at it, is when she realized his cancer was in his pelvis, back and lower ribs. When she consulted with my dad and the doctor the next day, the doctor stated that he had told my dad that it was in his bones several times and my dad said "I know". My dad had never told any of us kids this at all. So now, since my dad was still in pain, the percocet and tamadol wasn't even touching it, he referred him on to hospice. They came yesterday and upped his percocet and tamadol but it didn't work. Still in pain. So today, they put him on crisis care. The nurse will stay with him 24 hr and try to get his pain under control. I am so flipping scared right now. I am in IN and he is in FL. I don't know whether I should go.... is this the end? I have heard horror stories about people when the cancer is in the bones, that they usually pass quickly. How did he go downhill so fast? Please help... I am sobbing.
Things Changed Quickly...: I recently... - Advanced Prostate...
Things Changed Quickly...
Cancer in bone certainly does not mean it is "the End" otherwise thousand + people on this forum who are writing, discussing and debating here would have "ended" causing this forum a totally silent place.
Over at least 75% with Advanced prostate cancer have bone metastasis and they live from 3 years to 28 years. The proof of this statement is right here on this forum. There are still many treatments for people with bone mets. So I do not believe that it is "the end"
I have had cancer in my bones for 5.5 years. I'm doing well. Maybe you can call and arrange a telephone visit with his oncologist. Your father has a lot of treatments available if his health permits and he is willing to accept recommended treatments. I think a heart to heart talk with your father is in order. Good luck.
Well as our learned group has responded "this is NOT the end for your Dad". Those horror stories regarding Prostate cancer are just that "stories". Settle down and concentrate on yourself, your family and of course your dear Dad. Men generally don't like to complain about illness or pain, even though we are "big babies".....It would be comforting for your Dad to be living with you, but that brings up new issues... Keep on Keeping on and please post to us regarding your Dad and yourself. The guys here are a wonderful bunch (me included) and are very helpful and knowledgeable.....
Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.
j-o-h-n Wednesday 08/26/2020 4:54 PM DST
I am so sorry to hear about your father and the sudden turn of events. My best friend was diagnosed with PC stage 4 October 2018. Bill tried every treatment. The very last one which was jevtana did not help as his PSA doubled and he has the tp53 mutation.
In the last doctor appointment, Bill was told the cancer has spread all over his body and liver but would like him to have a scan the following week.
This past Saturday, 4 days ago, I facetime him. He was energetic, mentally aware of everything and had a great conversation. That same night, Bill went to bed and slept continuously. He was placed in 24 hour hospice on Sunday. From Saturday night till this morning, Bill slept continuously. He passed away early this morning. The cancer, i was told, escaped to his liver and then his brain.
It is hard to predict what may happen but if you are able to , my opinion would be the fly there soon. But if you don't , do not feel guilty.
I am just sharing you my story as it just happened.
I am so sorry and I understand what is going through your mind. I am still crying and not sure how coherent i am at writing this.
I wish the best for your father , yourself and your family.
PS...cancer in bone is still treatable and when bill was diagnosed, he had lots of cancer on his bone. It must have been the last month when the cancer spread to his liver and brain. The spread does not happen to everyone. Please be positive.
Very sad story regarding your friend. As we always say here.... "he's in a much better place". He is resting in peace and all of his troubles are gone. We are still here with all of our troubles but at least you were able to speak to him this past Saturday. That was a gift for the both of you. Hopefully your friend is trying on his wings and learning how to play the harp. Stay well.....
j-o-h-n Wednesday 08/26/2020 6:23 PM DST
🙏
Rest In Peace Bill! Peace of mind to you the best friend that he suffers no more . True Friendship is more valuable than gold .I’m sorry for your loss.
If you could tell us his treatment history, we could probably help you a lot more and let you know what options he has at this point. As far as cancer in the bones, most of us here including me have that. There are quite a few treatments for prostate cancer when it's in the bones so let us know specifically what he's done so far.
All you know is what he has decided to tell you. It sounds like he's refused most life-extending treatments. The "chemo pill" was actually a hormone pill- bicalutamide - a very mild therapy. Unfortunately, the drugs he's refusing are not just life-extending, they are also palliative. These are his choices to make. As hard as it is for you, all you can do is support his decisions.
Go.
As many have posted, PCa in bones is not an immediate death sentence. People can live for many years. However, it sounds like your dad, at age 86 and in pain, has decided he would like to let go, rather than having more treatments.
The main thing is that he is made comfortable and that you spend as much time with him as he is up for. Make it all count and take a deep breath to be able to appreciate those times together.
It is very sad and hard to lose someone so close but if we grieve them while they are still with us, that is yet another loss.
I wish you calm and peace in all of this and that your dad should be pain free. Let us know how you are both doing.
Hospice doesn’t generally accept patients unless they have 6 months or less to live, What are they saying about life expectancy? Certainly bone Mets don’t necessarily mean imminent death, but I don’t know your dads overall health and situation. I’m sure being 86 doesn’t make any of this easier... have you had any Conversations with his urologist or oncologist? There are potential other treatments, but what does your dad want? And is there a reason he isn’t on morphine? Tramadol did nothing for my husband.
Hugs thoughts and prayers.... and peace.
Life can be filled with regrets of things done or not done. Only you know your circumstances. Sometimes it is best to follow your heart and stop listening to the storm of thoughts inside your head.
Go see your Dad
Please go if you can? I wasn’t able to see my dad before he passed away . It was beyond my control. Road trip! No joking , I pray for mercy for your father. Please let me know what goes on with him ? If he is in end stage it can go quickly. And truth be told it’s nothing pretty . If able, just to hold his hand ? 🙏🙏
Forget about whether it is the end or not. Go visit him as often as you can. It is his life and perhaps he did not want to worry you. The other comments are right on. Many of us have cancer in our bones, lymph nodes, etc. and we are still alive and still fighting. Be blessed!
So sorry to hear, however unless you have medical power of attorney, all you will ever know is what he shares with you. It appears that he made some decisions several years ago and now he is in a place where those decisions are affecting his health. It may or may not be time for hospice. Only his medical oncologist and he will know......
BTW, I had metastatic lesions in my spine diagnosed in 2004. My treatment decisions have enabled me to live pain free since then. Good luck.
GD
Hi B,
As many men have said here, metastases do not definitely mean the end - of life, or of hope. Then again, things can change quickly with cancer - in fact, in all of life. If your peace of mind would be improved by visiting your Dad, visit him. If you feel you can comfort him and/or that he would enjoy it, visit him. If not, try to keep in touch by phone or etc. No matter what happens, you will always feel like you didn't do enough, but if you do what is best for your Dad and what gives you peace of mind, that will be a comforting thought. Your Dad does have options and there are many on this site better qualified than I am to give advice on that, as you see :). Always feel free to ask -the members of APC are wonderfully generous with their time and knowledge! Very best wishes to you and your Dad. Sending prayers and good thoughts to you both <3
-Sunlight
If you can go to him, I would suggest you go. The pain medicine will take him out faster. I am so sorry. I am walking this journey with my Dad too and just got bad news yesterday. I am praying for you. God bless. Kim
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