Update on my Dad

Well...first time taking a breath. My Dad became so weak he couldn’t keep himself in a sitting position at times, other times, though very weak, with help standing, he could use a walker. Then, not interested in football! So tired just wanted to go back to bed, not shaving, getting dressed too much trouble. Started taking his temp and BP at the suggestion of a nutritionist we have been working with exactly one week. BP lower than usual. I give him a hug while he’s lying in bed and he seems hot. 102.3 fever. Just wants to sleep, wheezing a little. Next thing, on the way to the ER. That was Tuesday. Greatly dehydrated. I mentioned how much he had been urinating every night, remember? He had labs the Friday before all of this, signs of UTI but we received no calls. Admitted to ICU. They hydrated him and he weighed about 15-20 lbs more than he had upon admission, arms look normal again. But next, pneumonia and sepsis. Now on oxygen, 3 antibiotics, lasix, potassium, norepinephrine. Have not seen him more upset and miserable. Revised the will and had my father’s visitors sign as witnesses. Whole family (grandchildren, sons-in-laws) has tearfully been here. I’m writing this from the companion bed in his iCU room. He is never without my mother, sister or me here with him. Yesterday he said he wants to die and is weary of all of this. To think of recovering from this to return to fighting cancer is not appealing to him, to say the least. Have not seen him act this way. I think this whole mess has brought out a lot of unexpressed feelings about his Pca dx. He was wishing so much for the medically induced coma that when he was told yesterday that he was improving and it wouldn’t be necessary, he was more upset than I have ever seen him. But, as the day wore on, his mood eased, maybe along with the symptoms. My sweet and strong Dad is back. He just got another chest x-ray from his bed and we will be anxious until we hear the results later this am. Oxygen flow reduced to 90% and he is hanging in there. BP still a problem, no fever. Challenge is to clear the now soggy lungs of fluid and to keep it out, rid his body of infection. Small improvements are so encouraging and we are hopeful for more forward movement-and now-so is my Dad.

[LearnAll]

Prostate Cancer reduces our capacity to defend against infections. We need to always be vigilant about signs of infection so we can catch the infection early and get it treated.

Wish your Dad a steady recovery.

[Hidden in reply to LearnAll]

And looks like we need to fine tune our skips because we are the ones that know what normal Dad looks like. Thank you LearnAll

[ctarleton]

Glad to hear your Dad may be turning a corner. Hope he and everybody else gets a little better each day in the weeks ahead. He's blessed to have such a loving family at his side.

Thank you for sharing those intimate family moments about various treatments decision-making and emotions during times of crisis or toward the end of life. It can really be hard to deal with all such things in the present moment, particularly with multiple things happening and/or with incomplete or unknowable information.

Some families take such times as an opportunity to update their Advanced Directives for Health Care Decisions, if needed.

The PBS documentary "Being Mortal", Medicine and What Matters in the End, based on the best-selling book by Dr. Atul Gawande might also be helpful in facilitating related conversations with your Dad or among other family members.

pbs.org/video/frontline-bei...

Peace to you all,

Charles

[tango65 in reply to ctarleton]

Thanks for your post and for posting the link to Being Mortal.

[dadzone43]

Back in the days of my medical training, pneumonia was called "the old man's friend," helping him exit a long life that he was ready to leave. I wish you all the best.

[MeliaQuinn]

You have been through more than I can imagine! Thank you for sharing-it must be so hard but you have an amazing family. Stay strong!

[jfoesq]

Hoping for the best for all of you

[j-o-h-n]

To Callie2018 et. al.

Tell your Dad that he better get better so he can see the Danube or I will personally visit him in the hospital and kick his 87 year old ass.... (or at least make him laugh).....

BTW You can loosely interpret the name Callie for the word καλa in Greek that means "good".... which undoubtedly you are for being such a good daughter...

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Monday 10/28/2019 12:17 PM DST

[monte1111]

Oh my gosh. So hard on you and family. Wishing the best for you, family and especially to dad.

[Hidden in reply to monte1111]

❤️

[Nirman]

Callie My Prayers and blessings for him stay strong.

[Hidden in reply to Nirman]

❤️

[Jbooml]

He's had the cancer so long its become structural...my feeling is your beloved father is flaring....so furiously...ie shedding dying cancer like an infested dog with a new flea collar that his blood/ lymph /kidneys are barely able to keep up. They warn us about this when starting ADT and your Dad is living proof of a worst case....so glad he's improving..tell him my family and I just had a norovirus run through the house like a California wildfire...apologies in my metaphoric insensitivity to all those poor sufferers but it put us all in the same 'please just just kill me' sick bed as Da.

We're very happy with this incipient hopeful news...PS...this shedding/recovery process is frustratingly prolonged with near immeasurable progress. Focus on remarking on symptoms that are steadily improving.....his lowered fever is a huge step....now let's hope the dysurinesis improves.

Give him all our best

[Hidden in reply to Jbooml]

Thank you for that interesting perspective

[MelaniePaul]

I am so very sorry to hear what you are going through.

How it all started reminded me so much of my husband. The weakness, the fever and the loss of interest in things that were once so dear. The dihydration upon admission to hospital. And, before anyone blames themselves, no, there is nothing you can do to keep them from getting dihydrated because, in that situation, no amount of drinking water and tea could keep that from happening. And then the temperature comes down and the medication to fight the infection is kind of working. But of course they as patients are so tired of the long fight, and they so much dread going back home and having to continue fighting, only this time they will be so much weaker than before they were so sick. My husband, after two hospital admissions, an antibiotic that didn't work properly, and postponing his treatment with Chemo again and again to give the body more time to recover from pneumonia and sepsis, said, "I have had enough" - and meant I have enough of fighting.

So what I am trying to say to you is: Firstly, I really feel for your dad. And I suppose it is very understandable that he doesn't want to be alive any more with all this suffering. Secondly, I want to say to you that, while this is really tough and while of course you don't want to lose your beloved dad, listen carefully to what he is saying. And when he says many a time that he wants it to be over, maybe the time has come for the conversation during which you all tell him how much you love him and wish that he can get better but that your wish for him to be without suffering is bigger than your wish for him to remain here. I know this is so painful. But maybe this is what he needs?

I can't remember of the top of my head what treatment your dad is on, but clearly his system will be very weakened after pneumonia and sepsis.

Please take good care of you in all of this. And keep posting. It helps to talk - it really does.

Love to you and your dad and the family!

Mel.