I apologize to the estrogen gender for some of my judgements and thoughts in my lifetime up to now.
I sat there stupidly staring at the TV through at least 5 minutes of commercials - bottom of the hour - tears running down my face.
"What's wrong?" she asked me.
"Nothing" I mumbled.
"Must be something, you're crying."
"Nothing", a little more forcefully, "bathroom," as I left. Whatever more I might say is certain to be the wrong thing to say.
Behind the door, "Dear God, just help me get through today with this Androgen Depletion. A grown man crying over literally nothing is just… humiliating. We can worry about the hot flashes and the low energy tomorrow - whenever it gets here. Just get me through today, OK?"
Lupron, about 2 ½ months into a 6 month shot.
I apologize to every woman I've known...or not known. Sometimes 'nothing' is just…nothing.
I dunno, maybe stupidly staring at 5 minutes of daytime TV commercials is reason enough to cry after all.
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GranPaSmurf
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I was at an outdoor art fair wit my wife today. It was a beautiful day and I just started crying as I walked through the crowd. Very hard to control my emotions.
It can have its up-side, too. Increased compassion and empathy can be good things.
It's OK if your eyes leak every now and then. Telling somebody about it as it's happening can often have better results than trying to hide it ... at least in my experience.
Thanks for posting. This reminds me why I can be more emotional than I used to be.
BTW there are options if you are experiencing hot flashes and sweats...for me, 75-mg per day of the antidepressant venlafaxine has done the trick for the past 7 years. Eliminates 90% of them from day one. Plus, as my wife says, my attitude has been adjusted.
Long winded reply and you may be on it, but I can’t say enough how this medication has helped me on this journey. ADT has kicked my butt!!
75-mg per day of venlafaxine has also done the trick for me. Amazing results. Everything tallguy2 wrote has been my experience. 7 years on it, wife has made same comment about attitude, controlled my hot flashes. I would cry and get a lump in my throat while watching tv and especially if I thought of my kids, my future or talked about what I had. Pissed the heck out of me. Doc put me on it and all was good.
After some years, and talking with my doctor, I weaned my self slowly off of it several times over the years thinking I had my emotions under control, no more extra pills. I would not tell my wife or now grown kids I had done so. Sure enough the urge to cry came back, couldn’t think or talk about certain subjects, and family would ask why my attitude had changed. Same results every time I got off it. My quality of life has been much better on it and that is what is important to me so I stay on it all the time now. Doctor has no problems with it. Says it is a small dose.
As for the weight gain and breasts, there too Venlafaxine, I feel, has greatly helped me.
I was in the military and law enforcement, worked-out and ran all my life. My pecs turned into breast and I gained weight. On Venlafaxine I am almost at peace with it. Without much bother I do tell people about it if they mention it. Heck I sometimes make light of it and joke about it in front of people since breasts are so obvious with weight gain. Without this medicine I don’t think I would handle the breast situation nearly as well. Yeah it bothers me and pisses me off at times that I have breasts instead of my pecs but instead of being depressed and so self conscious about it I can much better appreciate and be thankful that I am still here enjoying life.
I have seen my kids graduate high school, go to college, seen two graduate and move on in life, watching my third working his way through college now. Take vacations with wife and kids when possible. Everything I had expected to do and see in life is now a milestone and I appreciate everyone of them. I don’t feel I have to prove anything to anyone anymore and if taking this pill with its warnings helps me be at peace on this journey so be it. I know there are other pills out there but this was the one my oncologist prescribed for me for the hot flashes and constant crying but it has also helped me with depression.
Rob, you are an inspiration. I think we all start out with a feeling of hopelessness and despair. It's men like you that taught me that I might look forward to a long(ER) life, managing the disease, not dying from it.
I'm on a different medication for a different condition that causes gynecomastia. I've had breasts for 35 years. If the ADT made it worse, I can't tell. I learned to live with it long ago.
I thought the emotional effects would be something I could just shrug off, but it's been harder than I thought.
But like you, I'm celebrating every day as a gift.
I was in line at the movie theater a couple of years back when I suddenly started to perspire. I muttered "hot flash" to my husband. A woman in line behind us said, "I know what that's like." We shared a smile and a nod of commonality.
My wife's attitude has been great - she actually thinks it's better that I am more sensitive that previously.... now she is just waiting for it do to something about my swearing, and political views.... huh, fat chance!! Hell will freeze over first!!
Anyway, cheer up mate - at least you know you're alive...
I have to admit I had to share your post with my husband with PC, he just finished radiation after Lupron, and can totally relate. However, most of his reply I probably cannot post publicly, although I know it would make you cry... laughing! 😂
My husband has had a very difficult time on Lupron. The first time, post RRP and pre radiation. Fast forward several years and mets to bone. He started with a shot of Firmagon and then Zytiga. Firmagon is every month. Then after 30 days they switched him to Lupron every 3 months. After a year or more he had just had it. Went off Zytiga. And when sweating, hot flashes, etc continued, he asked his dr to go back to Firmagon monthly. Dr was on board with that. He's getting his second shot this week. He says he's doing a lot better on Firmagon in terms of side effects. Gets a little rough the last 5 days or so. But 3 good weeks and one bad vs 3 months of bad....he'll take it. See if its something your dr is willing to try. Everyone is different so you never know but might be worth a shot at switching. Stay well!
The increased emotionality with ADT is discussed in depth in the ADT book. About 15% of patients on ADT, who have a partner, report becoming closer to their partners when he is on ADT. Admittedly that is a minority, but what seems to be common is that the patient and the partner both recognize and respect the changes he has experienced.
In addition to the ADT book, this topic is also discussed in some academic papers and I've touched upon it in some personal essays that I have published. Folks are welcome to write me individually for pdfs or more information.
Donovan KA, LM Walker, RJ Wassersug, LM Thompson & JW Robinson 2015 Psychological effects of androgen-deprivation therapy on men with prostate cancer and their partners. Cancer, 121:4286-4299.
Wassersug RJ 2016 Maintaining intimacy for prostate cancer patients on androgen deprivation therapy. Current Opin. Support. & Palliative Care, 10:55-65.
Van Dam D, RJ Wassersug & LD Hamilton 2016 Androgen deprivation therapy and mood in prostate cancer as reported by patients and partners of patients. Psychooncol., 25:848-856.
Hamilton LD, D Van Dam & RJ Wassersug 2016 The perspective of prostate cancer patients and patients’ partners on the psychological burden of androgen deprivation therapy and the dyadic adjustment of prostate cancer couples. Psychooncol., 25:823-831.
Dr. Wassersug, thanks again for the reply. I've just downloaded 'The ADT Book' to my kindle (my preferred reading method) and skimmed a couple of chapters so I could reply to you.
I like the book.
I am going back to the chapter on exercise. That's the piece of the puzzle that's giving me the greatest challenge right now.
I recommend other men mouse around on Dr. Wassersug's site - LIFEonADT.com - he knows us.
[note to other Kindle-ites] if you, like me, sometimes find your book-buying-budget busted, you can rent The ADT Book for 3 months for about $5.
Thanks again Richard, I hope we can correspond more.
dk
I am laughing and crying with ya.. this is our path.. I’ve been on it over four years now .. us men really don’t know the importance of hormones ,that is ,until they are gone .we know now that we are hormonally driven . Or in our case ,not so much . My “ T” level is 3 . Practically non- existent ..
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