We experience many physical and psychological effects from cancer and especially cancer drugs. I myself have had to deal with not sleeping well, having crazy stupid dreams, blurry vision, fatigue, and more fatigue, depression, and more depression, fear, disorientation, at times out of the blue I've wanted to scream but didn't because I didn't want to frighten or worry my wife. At 69 I feel like I'm 80, pain, uncertainty from one day to the next, when I hear someone on the TV say the word "cancer" in my head i shout SHUTUP! I actually shouted it out loud one time, the wife didn't say anything, I guess she understood. Many times I've felt like crying, no reason, just out of the blue. I almost did it in the doctors office a couple times and actually did break down once at one of my many treatments (really scared my poor wife).
I physically can deal with stressful situations or arguments anymore, I feel like my blood pressure and heart rate goes through the roof, I get physically weak and have to lay down. I know I've left out some things and will add to this post as I think of them.
Anyone that would like to share their experiences feel free to do it here.
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pcfred
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I had one last year. Never had one and this doctor called "me late to the party". Told him I have aPC. Having had breast cancer, now prostate cancer I said to him what am I going to have the "trifecta". He didn't see the humor. After the colonoscopy he told me no more for 10 years. I honestly looked at him and said "if I'm here in 10 I'm not coming back!"
I'm laying in bed this morning and read this. I thought my signature was going to be at the end! You'll keep getting through just keep taking one positive step at a time.
pcfred: Let me say at the outset that what works for some of us most certainly doesn't work for all of us. That said, consider getting engaged or re-engaged in a active hobby, work, or even volunteer activity that requires a lot of focus. Repeat: A lot of focus. This works for me. Maybe things like having to get up early to meet friends for fishing or golf, or to produce documents by deadline dates (me, at 76), doesn't sound like much fun, but maybe it's better than what you're going through.
Yes yes yes there buddy , same here and a lot more here in that boat with you brother. When you get deep in that yucky panicky trapped feeling , that cage you just can’t escape from, a little bit of Xanax ( .25s good nuff ) goes a long way. If you don’t already have them, ask for a few. I just get a Large size of my favorite beverage and smoke a fatty indica doobie and lay back in my favorite comfortable chair ( or Jacuzzi ) and chill out . Screw this B.S. , we got this . Get on here too, we’ll talk to you brother, all of us know exactly where your head is at. Yea it’s the $hits, but we got your back.
Sorry to learn that you are having a difficult time. I find that to keep up your routine and hobbies as you did before you knew of this malady will help. I've been at this for 13 years and I still fly, boat, have lunch or drinks with friends and I still work 40 hrs a week. It all helps. However, being referred to as a "warrior" make my eyes roll.
I try to stay active as much as possible but I have so much fatigue & shortness of breath from the medications I can only do a little at a time then go sit down. After a few hours I go take a nap. The 53 pounds I gained from the Lupron doesn't help either. I don't eat much but the weight hardly goes down. If I eat like normal the pounds start piling on.
Wow,I really appreciate you sharing that. I cry and pray every morning on my way to work trying my best to be strong for my hubby..I wish there was a cure..All we can do is pray and take it one day at a time..
What Gearhead said also worked for me. I like the way he put it, "A lot of focus". I think it's also important to focus on other people - family, friends, people who need your help and can benefit from your friendship and interest. Taking an interest in the affairs of a family member or a friend helps them and helps you too.
I think it helps us to remember that life will go on even after we are gone. Our parents and their parents and so on helped to create and sustain our lives, and we help to create and sustain the lives of others. We are part of a great chain of humanity that extends back and forward for thousands of generations. That chain continues after us and our contribution will always be part of it.
You may not be able to "cure" your anxiety, depression, insomnia, and despair. These things have a way of grabbing you again and again. But you have a tool, focusing on life instead of focusing on death, that can help you climb out of the pit each time you fall in. Each little victory is precious. Think about it. Enjoy it. Repeat it. You won't win every battle but you'll win some of them and you'll continue to have a worthwhile life. That's what is important.
Fat belly, man boobs and shrunken junk! OMG!!! SsamO that was you looking at me through my window! LOL!!! And I was so skinny most of my life (young 150 lbs to older 180lbs) now 248 since starting treatments. I've been in surgery a few times for various things and every time I ask the doc to do a tummy-tuck while they're in there but they always deny my request. I'll look into the supplemental oxygen, thank you for the suggestion.
Welcome to the club! I’ve had 4 yrs of the same...total castration is a charm , if one is so lucky..as I hav3 been this far .I cry at all injustice I see . And sometimes when the wind blows.. I’m 58 ,you are doing OK .. I try not to utter the word either...prior APC I felt invincible ,risk taker ,feared little in life . ...now I don’t relish anything stressful . I’m whittled down in every aspect except my spirit .. It grows stronger daily . My faith is in love here and peace in the here after . . Live life to the fullest ..
Wow you took the words right out of my mouth. This is exactly how I feel with all the same effects, especially the crazy stupid dreams, EVERY night. And I feel like everyone that sees me tells me how great I look but they don’t see me at my low points and don’t understand. My wife is the only one that gets it but I think even she has decided I’m just a tough sob and amazed how well I handle it all, when inside I’m on the verge of crying often but I hide it. My onc tells me I need to talk to someone but can’t even get anyone to even call me back. The mental health system in AZ is broken. All the providers are months out and aren’t accepting new patients. Anyway, good to be alive and all that but it’s definitely a mind fuck.
To pcfred: I assume the p.c. stands for pretty cool fred...
C A N C E R.... fuck you... I hate that word, every time I hear it on TV or the radio, I cringe. And to think there's a Zodiac sign too. I once told the security guard at the information desk at MSKcc that the basement floor should be changed from "C" to B, that's how bad I got. So now I have learned to except it and try to laugh all day. I am the silliest prick in the world, but I don't have trouble sleeping at night. So be funny, laugh at everything, I kid with all my doctors. Today I saw my German Orthopedic surgeon and he asked me if I had any pain? I replied in google translate German "only when I have sex"... He just smiled (but I laughed). When you meet someone for the first time and you're leaving them... Tell them "it was a pleasure, all theirs" and watch their expression. PLEASE PLEASE laugh!!!
I love it!!! Yes, I do laugh as much as possible and try and make everyone laugh or at least smile.
I once had t see a neurologist about tinnitus, I have it in both ears (my dad had it too). So after this very serious and formal doc finished asking me lots of questions and running a few test she said they basically couldn't do anything about it except introduce other sounds that would kind of mask it but I already knew that, I read up on it beforehand.
Anywho, she asked me if I had any questions and I asked her "what do I do about the voices in my head"? You should have seen the look on her face! She said in kind of a frightened voice "you hear voices"? My wife was with me and there was another doctor in the room, they were cracking up but the doc was looking for a way out of the room.
My wife tells her "he's joking", I laughed and said I'm just joking with you but it still took her a few to get the joke.
LOL I've got Tinnitus also... so thanks for the line "what do I do about the voices in my head"? Can't wait to use it...(Don't worry, i'll give you credit for it)...
I feel like my body has totally let me down, as I'm in so much pain I cannot do anything physical, it's very depressing.
Two years ago I worked on a building project under the most extreme conditions. It was on a remote island in Finland during the winter 12hr days in -20C (10 days straight and 5 days off) the day started the day off with a 3km walk across the sea ice, we built main house on top of hill, plus sauna and barn, things like all the roof beams had to be lifted by hand as no cranes could get to island, 5 of us finished the project in 4.5 months. As I'm stage 4 with extensive bone Mets I'm guessing I was probably stage 4 two years ago. My only symptom in Nov was pain in both Femurs and fatigue.
I shrugged my shoulders and said Que Sera Sera a long time ago. I do hate crying at all the crappy things I see on the news. I do not like getting in touch with my feminine side. Another 6 month Lupron shot in July. Maybe I should have waited on ordering all those tee shirts. Next month I may be yearning for something with more lace and frills.
I think everyone's experience is different and no one can respond exactly to the symptoms you are having. Even so, I also want to yell at the television when the "C" word is mentioned...which seems like a lot! Depression may come partially from meds you may be taking but I find meditation does really help be clear my thoughts and hits a "reset button" for me each day. Also, confiding in a spouse, family member, friend or therapist is good. They need to understand what's going on and they usually want to know. They are there because they care about you and not knowing is actually worse for them.
How are they to know when to give you a hug or get you help that you may need if you keep it bottled up inside? The sooner that you share your fears, emotional turmoil and all the rest of it, the more likely you are to get a handle on it. Not addressing it will assure that at some point you will just boil over.
People love you and there are all kinds of ways to deal with all of it through meditation, medications, therapy and/or other options.
Take care of yourself and let your wife in. She can help and we all need help now and then. All the best to you.
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