dealing

[mrstreetown]

My husband has stage 4 . Just learned about it in the last 8 months. I also have many health issues. I am having great difficulty in dealing. He seems so angry, but says he isn't. I'm shaking so much all the time. I need help I see a counseler but it is not helping yet.

[Darryl Partner]

Good that you are seeking help here, but there are limits to what an online group can do. Call your therapist or a friend or family member. If you feel in any sort of danger, call your emergency service like 911.....seeking help is helpful for both you and your husband

[NPfisherman]

Prayers for you both...he is struggling just like me....you should see the counselor together and he needs to express his fears, his sadness, etc...Is he sleeping? It's one of the things I struggle with and many others do...so hard...God bless you....at some point, he needs to acknowledge his diagnosis and enjoy the time you have left together.....a fun outing doing something you both enjoy maybe...hang in there...Do follow Darryl's advice....be safe...

[gusgold in reply to NPfisherman]

Fish,

have you found a way to beat insomnia...the problem sleeping when taking Xtandi is unreal

Gus

[NPfisherman in reply to gusgold]

Most nights I take melatonin 5 mg....it helps me get about 5 hours --sometimes more ....sometimes less.... I still have the brain wanderings of the newly diagnosed....when I want/need to sleep much longer, I take temazepam 7.5 mg, but I find benzodiazepines leave me sluggish in am--.... it is a controlled substance, and it goes fine with Zytiga...you would need to check with your MD about drug to drug interactions with Xtandi--initial search looks ok but I am not a PharmD... the beauty of 7.5 mg dose is it is the lowest dose and on nights when 7.5 mg doesn't get it done, then you can take a second... you could likely also take melatonin and add a temazepam as needed....

Fish....I like it...

Good luck Gus...

[Hidden]

Hi,

When told of my Advanced Prostate Cancer, Metastatic, Stage 4 diagnosis, it felt like a ton of concrete bricks fell on me. The urologist told me like it was a flu, he said, "Don't worry, treatment can extend your time", oh, well, ok, nothing to worry about, have time...

My diagnosis was just a few months ago, my time is difficult, struggling with emotional negotiation. For me, it's like a rebirth, reset all things and become a warrior.

Do not expect others to understand, this forum is a wonderful place for our journey...

[NPfisherman in reply to Hidden]

Excellent post...Well put...my feelings exactly...a ton of bricks fell on you....I may see if Cigna will provide some counseling for me .... the mind races with this, especially at night.... yes, emotional negotiation--an emotional rollercoaster....Being with loved ones and wondering how soon and what comes next......wondering what your next PSA and testosterone will be...it is a process to getting there and becoming that warrior... Hang tough, New York....

[tom67inMA]

So sorry to hear that you are struggling. I got my diagnosis just over two months ago and have been on a roller coaster ever since. Generally I'm coping extremely well, and attribute that to many things:

1) Exercise. I go for a run when I can, walk when I'm not well enough to run, and feel absolutely miserable on the days I can't even walk. I'm usually pain free when running, and between that and the endorphin rush it's hard not to be in a good mood for a while.

2) Medication. I was already on bupropion and clonazepam prior to diagnosis, and have since added medical marijuana.

3) Meditation, which I don't do nearly enough, but it does help. Some people prefer prayer, but anything that allows you to look at the situation differently will help.

4) Taking a leave of absence from work. Getting away from the stress of my job has done wonders. It also helps that my job has a great disability plan.

5) The cancer treatments appear to be working really well for me. It's much easier to think positively on the days my condition is improving.

That said, I still have my really dark moments, particularly this past week when I've had an unexpected wave of side effects from chemotherapy and also caught a chest cold and have been running a fever.

[NPfisherman in reply to tom67inMA]

Hang in there tom...you're a warrior....like us all.....Spartans...

[gusgold]

I would talk to his onco...some of the drugs taken for PCa can make you really angry....just the lack of Testosterone from Lupron is real hard on a man

[Tjc1]

He could very well be mad. But he probably dosen't know why. Lupron and the dtop in T at that point had me mentaly and physically messed up. Sorta never ends but geting help works wonders. Good luck and Merry Christmas!

[j-o-h-n]

It's a kick in the crotch... Time heals all wounds they say. Well it's worked for me. I just put it in the back of my mind and laugh as much as I can. One time when I was being radiated (zapped) and I was fooling around with the technicians, another patient came over to me and said "you're the happiest guy I ever saw who has cancer". My response was "I'm not going to change my personality just because I know I'm going to die". Heck we always knew we were going to die some day. I know, but why now and why from a terrible disease? If I knew the answers to those questions, I would have never have married my ex-wife. In time his anger will pass. So hang in there and a Happy Christmas to you both and to your loved ones. I have to go now, one night left, I have to put a hole in my roof, I don't have a chimney.

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Sunday 12/23/2018 7:15 PM EST

[ctarleton in reply to j-o-h-n]

"...hole in my roof, I don't have a chimney. ".... Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

[dmt1121]

Definitely talking to a therapist that specializes in patients and families dealing with this type of disease is crucial....mine is an FNP with medical training. Your MO or primary care doctor may be able to refer you to someone appropriate. Also, it's and emotional roller coaster as each time you change meds or have an updated (worse) diagnosis, it brings it all home again.

If you have basic grounds rules (maybe unwritten or "unofficial"), it may help. With my wife and I, we discuss my condition in clinical terms and then how we are each dealing with the stress and shock, etc. I do ask her how she is handling it and tell her how much I appreciate all her support and hard work on my behalf. It is definitely stressful for all concerned and your husband has a right to be upset, as do you. That does not mean he gets to take it out on you.....though occasional blow-ups, followed by an apology are part of what happens at our house when things are not going well. We are not perfect but we need to respect each other and make the most of what time we have.

Good luck!

[JimVanHorn]

I wish you a wonderful Christmas in spite of your woes. I believe in God and that has helped me with fear of the unknown. They say that faith erases fear. Both are in the future and who knows what the future holds? They told me I could die in five years when I started this prostate business. That scared me. Well it has been eleven years now and I was recently told I no longer have Prostrate cancer! So today I am thinking of you and I know how you must feel with you both having medical problems. I went to a professional psychologist when my mother died and she helped me a lot. I still have heart, kidney, and diabetes disease that gives me plenty to worry about. I just remember that love erases anger (in the present) and faith erases fear (in the future) and the rest will just have to take care of itself! Have a Happy New Year an just do your best.

[mrstreetown in reply to JimVanHorn]

Thank you so much. Your words really helped

[Stegosaurus37]

The best mental therapy that I've found is to do things for others. Volunteer for things. do something for someone you know who is sicker that you. Join in a community clean-up day. You'l be amazed how much that helps.