Observers

[Brbnbrn]

A wife of a man going through what you all are going through is an observer. We pay attention to every expression, every sigh, every nap and at every meal. We note your energy, routine, smile and hug. If you hold on too long, we pull back and look at your face. We know. We love you. We are here for you.

[teamkv]

Amen.

[Brbnbrn]

OMGoodness! I knew you knew... but as a team, you are amazing with your combined knowledge and experience. We are all blessed to have you part of our Heathunlocked "family". Thank you!

[Hidden in reply to Brbnbrn]

I second that!

[Darryl Partner in reply to Brbnbrn]

Hi just to clarify. This is a Malecare community. Healthunlocked is the very fine platform we use.

[Tall_Allen]

In my live support group, which doesn't allow wives, the men sometimes regret that their wives and other loved ones now treat them like a patient rather than the person she married. Take time away from watching and try to continue just being with him. We are the same people we always were; we just have a disease now. We have doctors who are paid to treat us like patients.

[Grumpyswife in reply to Tall_Allen]

We are the same people we always were? How I wish that were true.

[whatsinaname in reply to Grumpyswife]

mjbach : I think I understand exactly what you mean. Very perceptive, indeed.

Just one thing. It works both ways, sometimes.

[Tall_Allen in reply to Grumpyswife]

When people are sick, their lives can become small and centered around their illness. I think it's important to fight against that tendency. I know my parents got a lot of quality of life by going to a senior center and engaging with other people. I run a current events class at a senior center now.

[Brbnbrn]

I know...I know... it's a balance I guess. And I know, he tries to protect me. I'm sure like you do too, with all your research and knowledge. It's appreciated and known. We adjust to make life the very best it can be. For both of us. (All of us in this situation.) 💖

[Stegosaurus37]

We're not the person we always were; we have changed. And in different ways depending on the individual; sometimes we get tougher, sometimes we hurt more.

But what is it like to see someone you love going down the path with one end? My wife is a total brick; she seems to be really tough and able to stand up to what I'm going through. But I can't tell how it really is for her. Now when I'm in reasonable condition and able to get through the daily routines OK, I guess that's one thing. But what about when I'm no longer here? I don't know and I don't think she does either. Women are tougher than men about these things.

Wives and support groups recognize we are humans and treat us as such. My oncologists see me as a 76 year old Gleason 9, stage 4 hunk of meat. They're not much good; they're just surprised I'm not dead already.

You need to give support to your support group just as much as they give it to you. Your wife, family and friends are giving you the support you need. Give them the support they need. And hang in there. We're with you here all the way.

[Hidden in reply to Stegosaurus37]

Well said Stego!

[Hidden]

500, that is experience! God bless you both!

[monte1111]

My cats like me. Sometimes.

[Brbnbrn in reply to monte1111]

Ha, ha, ha... as cats do. Thanks for the true laugh out loud! 🤗

[j-o-h-n in reply to monte1111]

But what the hell do cats know? They eat the lab mice we all depend on. 😵

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Tuesday 10/30/2018 9:02 PM EDT

[Hidden in reply to monte1111]

My dog the same.

[MelaniePaul]

Observing is important. But don't forget to live and enjoy the precious time you have together.

[Hidden in reply to MelaniePaul]

This is most important . I agree.

[Hidden]

Thank you. I’ll agree about her. Take care.

[Brbnbrn]

Yes, yes... my Mom lost my Dad to cancer at 62. Shes 85 now. I told her she was my roll model. She said I will have a harder time of it as we have so much fun together. We work, live and play together. (He retired from the Teamsters in 2006 then came to run my facilities dept. at the non-profit I operate.) He decided to retire next April so he can drive his Mustang and go to the gym at will. I'll miss him at work but know he'll be doing what he's always dreamed of doing in his lifetime. It's been a goal of his to live that lifestyle. I pray he has years to enjoy what he's worked so hard for! As for ALL the men who work and support their families for a lifetime. They deserve it. 💖