Importance of how you die

I'm sure we've all heard it before, maybe even said it ourselves: "All we can do is buy time so we die from something else." As if the goal is to die in some other way.

I heard this again at a support group meeting last night. While going around the room so each person could tell their story, one man with a slow growing form of prostate cancer said, "I'm probably going to die from something else."

I started thinking about that as we continued to go around the room. I didn't really know what to say about my own, much worse situation other than the truth. I will probably die from prostate cancer and NOT something else. Then it just popped into my mind all of a sudden and I said: "Does it really matter how you die? What's more important is how you live."

I know we are all fighting this beast to stay around as long as we can, I'm all for that. But in all the fighting, sometimes it's easy for me to lose sight of what I'm fighting for. Its certainly not so I can die from something else. I'm fighting to make these days nothing less than the best days of my life. It's not how much "time you buy" that's important but how you live it.

So let's all be fully alive in whatever time we have here and savor every moment.

32 Replies

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shealy

a year ago

Though I love the way you all think I have not been able to wrap my arms around the whole live your life to the fullest every day and travel and whatever. I feel trapped because if I live the 5-7 years my doc said I will fall short of full retirement benefits but would however be more inclined to travel bit and enjoy while I can. But things are changing. Treatments are coming around that prolong life for us unlucky diseased souls and even if it is a minimal 4 months for each one, it brings me closer to the finish line to collect full benefits for retirement so my wife will get the best possible future. I know this sounds a little dismal but it is the way I think. I would not be happy if we started to relax and spend money on vacations and the like and then live another 15 years or so with not much to live on during and after I am gone. I too am obsessed with this disease and am always reading about it. So going forward I know I must carry on as though I will live a long life until something changes in my status. I had RP in May 2015 and after recovering from that I had my first PSA and it was a persistent 9.4. Checked again to be sure and it was 9.61. Started Lupron and have finally reached <0.01 undetectable PSA. It has been 21 months on Lupron and it is miserable due to all the typical side effects. But that being said, it is a good sign that I could go a while on this journey. No one knows, Right? Oh well to all out there I didn't mean to bring rain to the parade.

gregg57

in reply to shealy

I'm in a similar solution, at least in terms of still having to continue work. I'd like to retire now, but can't. So in some ways I feel like I may be missing out on whatever time I left by spending any of it working. But on the other hand, I do enjoy what I do for work and find it adds satisfaction to my life. If I was in a job I didn't like and working crazy hours, stress etc., definitely would want to get out of that. But I would anyway, whether I had PCa or not. I always think to myself, what would I be doing if I didn't know I had PCa? What kind of life would I want to have? I try to have basically the same life I had before the diagnosis. This is not to ignore the reality of the situation, but don't let it take you over and rob your quality of life.

I only really get sad when I think about the future and how things are going to end. But, then there are no good endings for anyone in that sense. I could have started doing that from the day I was born. The ending is always the same, why waste time and energy trying to imagine it? Deal with each stage as it comes, when it comes. That's the best approach. Unless there is something you can do now to actually help you with that in the future, don't bother trying to deal with it before it happens.

My suggestion is the same I give to myself, learn to live in this moment of time. Right now, in this moment, you are exactly the same as everyone else here. You are fully alive right now. No one else is better off than you are. I'm not saying we shouldn't prepare for the future, but things that are out of our control are a waste of energy to obsess over.

pete0550

Right on!! I was diagnosed locally advanced PCa in November 2014, Gleason 4+3, started ADT, now off it, PSA 0.08 in Feb. Still struggling with side effects of ADT but hey, what the hell, I'm alive. The news changed my outlook and I decided to live for today and let tomorrow take care of itself so last year had 2 trips to California, aided by a friend who lives there and kindly accommodated me, a family holiday in Italy with leisurely meander there and back through France, Switzerland and Belgium, At the end of this month, I'm heading for NZ to see the B&I Lions take on the ABs. As there next visit will be 2029 by which time I'll be 79 and maybe not fancying long haul flights, I decided to book an RV and have a tootle around the Land of the Long White Cloud. My family are very supportive, partner still works thanks to her pension age being raised in a very underhand manner but has told me to bugger off and see the world (in the nicest possible way). Then in July it's down with family to Antibes so yes, live life to the full.

Best wishes for the future.

Pete in UK