Adhd concerns

[cuttiePie18]

I recently met someone online... We went on our first date. It was a disaster... He was very quiet through out the whole date and l felt he was too cold which was the opposite of what he was when we were chatting. I left him and afterwards l did address the issue and he kept on saying sorry up until he admitted he has ADHD is was afraid to open up about it... I just need advise of how it's like to be with someone with Adhd... Coz he is my dream guy and l do wanna be with him.. Please advise on what l can do so we can build a good healthy relationship as we both have strong feelings for each other...And what can l expect, l need as much information so as to know what l am up against before we even attempt on being together. Thank you

[Mustwork]

Above all, you will need a great deal of

patience. This is because ADHD involves

challenges with executive functioning. Your partner may be taking time to understand you and carefully choosing his words, Initially, you may be concerned by periods of silence, but once he feels comfortable, he may well talk extensively. However, even then, be aware that he may sometimes say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Miscommunication will likely occur due to

his challenges with executive functioning;

he may struggle to articulate himself

clearly, sometimes conveying the opposite of his intended meaning. This can lead to arguments and frustration on both sides. You may feel misunderstood, while he may feel frustrated that you don't understand him, especially since he's been open about his ADHD.

[cuttiePie18 in reply to Mustwork]

Thank you for your response

[Prairiefrontporch]

definitely educate yourself. Read books about it. There’s a great book called adhd the effect on marriage. I would read that with him if it gets to that point so you can be proactive about the situation

[cuttiePie18 in reply to Prairiefrontporch]

Thank you

[wtfadhd]

No 2 people with ADHD are alike and so I suggest you get to know him face to face and find out first hand what his personal ADHD "isms" are and what he is about and how he does life. Meeting on line and typing/texing is very easy. We get to create the person that we want to be and wish that we were and striving to be. But meeting someone in person is very different. Im sure you know this. Not everything you read about ADHD is going to apply to him! Having one persona online and then a different one in person is NOT an ADHD trait. That is an EVERYONE trait. LOL.

[cuttiePie18 in reply to wtfadhd]

Thank you l will meet him again and get to know him better face to face

[Zilmita]

In my honest opinion (since I do have add/adhd) patience is key. Don't pressure him too much to get him to talk. He probably doesn't feel comfortable in his own skin since society can be pretty harsh on anyone that has any sort of disability. A common symptom of add/adhd is not being too social and/or too talkative. It's not because he doesn't have his own opinions. He might just not feel comfortable yet in expressing his views on certain topics. Ask his about things that he likes to do. One thing that I've noticed (at least about some people with add/adhd) is that they excel more in things that you have to use your hands to do. Things that are more hands on. Like sports, cooking/baking, arts/crafts, etc. Things that are more about creating/being creative. Things that require thinking. Like Trivia games, sudoku, etc. I would do more research on add/adhd to see what types of activities that people with those learning/social issues like to do that make them feel more comfortable.

[cuttiePie18 in reply to Zilmita]

Thank you, well said