Help with rejecting the path of fortune

[43creatures]

So I know nobody likes somebody who begrudges being fortunate, which is certainly part of the problem. I have a good job, its easy for me, so easy I hardly do any work anymore, which makes me stressed that I'll lose it, but the thing is I have been struggling for a long time and at this point have no motivation at all and kind of want to lose it. It pays very well, like almost 4X the average salary of my state, but I think I want to give up my whole career. I interviewed today for a new job, because I was recruited for the job, not because I was looking. It pays ridiculously well, almost double what I am making now. I could buy whatever I wanted and save up huge amounts of money. I'm qualified for it and maybe I'll even get it if I keep trying. It's interesting, and I would have to work harder and travel and such, but it's still within my career, and I just don't like my career anymore. I know my ADHD would take care of achieving on the job and I would dive in with both feet and be engaged, but I know the rest of my life would suffer as a result. Since diagnosis I have, for the first time in my life, let my desperation about being good at work take a back seat and focused on self-care, and figuring out what I actually want.

I grew up without resources, undiagnosed, confused, and with no direction in life. I wasn't supposed to have this fortune at work. I didn't go to college, I never tried that hard at my job on purpose, I just said yes to opportunities and had neurosis about pleasing people and proving myself. That is another part of the problem. I feel like I have to be a statistic for achievement, because my high school guidance councillor said I was going to work at a liquor store or be a drug dealer, but here I am 35 years later with a career people work their asses off to get. How on earth can I say no, what kind of person does that?

I think I just want to work in a bike shop, making less than the average income in my state. Not being able to buy anything beyond basic necessities and having a balanced life that would allow me to focus on self care and our beautiful world while I still have years left to live in it well. I can afford it, I just have to give up shopping, but really, I don't need much and just waste money now anyway. But, I don't know how to stop climbing the ladder the whole world wants to climb. I don't know how to say no.

[Greenbeeps]

I’d say you’re rejecting a path that doesn’t suit your values in order find your true path of fortune….fortune surely doesn’t always equate with money?

When I went part time so that I could spend more time with my children made me feel richer than all the money I was losing per month.

Draw this out and see what it looks like…if it’s losing financial security you’re feeling some sort of battle with I’m sure you’d plan for that before leaving this path?

[Mamamichl]

maybe see if you can keep the job and work part time in doing this bike shop thing. That way you can do what you want but still make the money. Pick up some things out of work, or even work 75% or even 50% in the place you are at so you have more time for other things. Another idea is to tell your current job you are bored and want to do something a bit different within the company (if you like the company still).

Although we do well in chaos, it sounds like changing to the other job in your career may be too chaotic and bad for your personal life. Maybe ask them if you could take a bit of a pay cut for other things to happen, like part of the time doing something similar in your field but maybe taking time with public as well. Ask them if they can help with relocation so you don’t have to travel as much. There’s nothing wrong in asking for them to adjust if they want you bad enough. That way you don’t struggle as much if you do decide to transition.

Those are just some ideas. Hope his helps! Zen 🫂

[BLC89]

Hello 43creatures,

You are lucky to know what you actually want. Saying "NO" to anything is tough for most ADHDers due to Rejection Sensitivity Dysmorphia and often being a people pleaser.

You don't have to choose one or the other forever. If you want to pause on the corporate career you can ask for sabbatical or quit with lots of notice. Then do the bike shop gig for a while and see how you like it. If it is a dream come true, bravo! You have what so many seek.

If it isn't everything you dreamed or you would like to be able to afford a few nicer things then get back into the corporate world. Nothing has to be forever.

I do like the idea Mamamichl put forth to cut back at corporate and get a bike shop gig for the other part of the time. That may be the best of all worlds as you can try out the bike shop and not fully give up corporate security.

Saying "no" is a gift for everyone, it is NOT selfish. When you say "No" you are reserving your energy for what you want/need and allowing the other party to find a better fit. When you say yes and don't fully show up it sucks for everyone.

You can do this. Chase your bike shop dream n whatever form that may take, and keep us posted!

Good luck,

BLC89