How do people get better with ADD ?

[TormentedAndTortured]

How does it work ? Can I ever not feel like a hopeless loser ? Do people actually get better? How does that happen ? Take the right pill and it goes away ? Is there any hope for someone like me? If so, where is it? Do I have anything to hope for ? Just wondering

[Zilmita]

The honest truth is that you'll always have days where you feel this bad. Like you're worthless. Sometimes it doesn't matter if you're surrounded by loving people. You just feel bad. Unfortunately, that's part of the disability. Yes, pills/medications/exercise/meditation can work but, we must all remember that we're all unique/special people that a just because one thing(s) work for one person doesn't mean that it's going to work for the next. Find a hobby that you like and try to get really good at it. I'm trying to get better at baking so that I can have my own mini business and make money. Because, seriously...... As someone that works (trying to find work) in the field of education, you don't get paid enough and the benefits aren't that great (especially if you don't get hired and/or are a teachers aide/assistant). There are lots of people leaving this industry for that reason and because of lack of respect from (what I've heard) co-workers, other staff, the kids, and/or their parents/family members. In all honesty, we're not really the ones with the problem. It's society that has the issue. Whether it's a neighbour, friend, family member, etc. I've heard in front of my face the parents of people with learning issues say the worst things ever about their kid. One person was called a worthless fat fu%^. The same person's parents said that they're as stupid as another family member that has issues with memory and a very short attention span. One parent said that because their kid was female with multiple disabilities that they didn't want them to succeed in life the way that they wanted to. They didn't want their child to get a degree in something that would earn them a lot of money, any type of financial independence, marriage, kids, etc. So basically, the parent wanted their child to live with them, help cook, clean, organise things around the house, etc. Things that doesn't give the kid (who's 43 now btw) any sense of accomplishment at all. Ofcourse, the parents will deny any wrongdoing. This is typical behaviour (from what I've hears/read) of parents with disabled kids. There is a website (an app that you can download on your cell phone) called Meet Up. This site/app is filled with social groups of various interests. There are boardgames groups, religious groups, sci fy groups, etc. Join one of those groups to find friends. Be with people that have similar interests as you do. I can find it difficult at times because most of the people on these meet up groups are older than I am. I'm 43 years old. Most of these people are 50 and up. I wish you lots of luck with finding a social group, getting medication that can help you feel better about your disability, etc.

[STEM_Dad]

Since ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, it will always be with us.

Medication is the #1 most effective treatment for over 90% of us.

Feeling like a loser is a mental state, a self-image issue. Some types of medication might help some with mood, but what you believe about yourself is what you perceive.

Thanks to neuroplasticity, we can make changes in our brain about what we think. Things that can help improve our minds via neuroplasticity include: mindfulness, meditation, education, reading , journaling, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or other therapies, social engagement, and exercise. (Yes, exercise can have many positive effects on the brain, not just the body.)

Unfortunately, we can't completely rewire our brains via neuroplasticity or train our neurons to process dopamine better.

There's no cure for ADHD. But the ways to treat ADHD continue to improve, both in the number of possible treatments and the effectiveness of certain ones.

...It does take time, persistence, and a lot of trial-and-error to figure out what treatments work best for you, because we're all different.

[Zilmita in reply to STEM_Dad]

I agree with what you wrote. I wish that there were more out there for people like us. This is one of the only sites where people can come to ask questions and comment on issues that others are having. There isn't any physical building where events/activities are held on a weekly bases for people in our population. This is sad and very frustrating. I've done 5 K's in which the event raised money for Autism Speaks which is an organisation that does research, studies, etc for people with autism. Why can't we have something like that? It's like society doesn't want us around. If we don't create a group that meets once a month no one else is going to do it. Maybe that's what we should do. Who agrees with me? An actual group should be formed to meet once (at least) a month to do a fun event/activity together. Is there anyone located within the Wake Forest, North Carolina area? I moved here about 4 ½ months ago. If someone does live within Wake Forest let's meet up somewhere soon. There is this really cool local coffee shop in downtown Wake Forest called the Coffee Shop. Their iced vanilla chai coffee is fantastic. I also love their coffee muffins. Yummy!!!! So, whomever wants to meet let's decided on a time and day.

[STEM_Dad in reply to Zilmita]

I wish that I could meet up with other members of this group. I'm too remote, our in rural western New York. (I'm about 1½ hours drive from Buffalo, Rochester, and Ithaca, NY. I'm very close to the Pennsylvania state line. I've found no ADHD groups in my area.)

If I was in North Carolina, I would definitely want to meet up over a coffee. (It's also hard to find a good cafe anywhere near me.)

I did a little searching and found that there are ADHD groups in the Durham, NC, area. It it's not to far for you, maybe check them out.

meetup.com/find/?keywords=A...

You might also find that some people in those groups actually live closer to Wake Forest, and they might just need an invitation to start meeting together there.

(From a men's ADHD support group on Facebook, I found a couple of members within 40 miles of me. We talked briefly about meeting up, but I think we all forgot about it.)

[Zilmita in reply to STEM_Dad]

Thanks for the information. I'm still new to the Wake Forest area. I don't know the area too well yet. The issue is my parents (especially my mom) don't want me to drive more than a few miles from the house. So, the support group would have to be located in Wake Forest and no further. I did (a couple of months ago) post about meeting at a local coffee shop in Wake Forest. One person replied. We were supposed to meet up a few weeks ago. Sadly, it never happened.

[STEM_Dad in reply to Zilmita]

That must be difficult, not being able to go far from home.

I'm not geographically limited for my own sake, but for shared custody of my kids.

My parents are back in Idaho (both in their early 70s). My mom can't see well enough to drive anymore, but can still keep house very well and takes care of my grandma. My dad is still able to drive them around everywhere they need to go, and he loves walking about the shops to get my mom whatever is needed. But he can't go on any long rides by himself in the country, like he used to, because he has to be close enough to help my mom and grandma, when needed. (Of course, he does still get to enjoy their company on a ride, every now and again...just not rambling along by himself.)

Someday, I know that my parents will need help from me or one of my brothers. Since I can't be apart from my kids for long (and my youngest is only in 4th grade), I think my older brother (whose youngest child is in high school) will have to answer the call.

I'm grateful that I don't need anyone looking after me, but my life was such a mess after my divorce that I actually did need my parent's help for a while.

• If I hadn't already been diagnosed with ADHD then, on ADHD medication and in therapy, I probably would've needed their help for a lot longer. But when my kids' mom moved across the country with them, I knew that I had to make a way to be near them again. So, now, I have to stay close.

[STEM_Dad in reply to STEM_Dad]

CHADD.org let's it's members establish local CHADD groups.

I've inquired about it, and learned that the person who registers the affiliate group has to be a CHADD member, and membership costs $75/yr. I think that local affiliate group members don't necessarily have to be paid CHADD members.

• I haven't been able to budget for CHADD membership, so I can start a local affiliate. I suggested that they have an all-remote CHADD affiliate to help support this forum. They answered back that I can start a local affiliate (and that I could perhaps use that to help support people on this forum).

I come here anyway, membership or not, because I like the discussion and mutual support. I was just hoping to be able to get some more resources to help us all.

[MorningDanceTrece]

For me just finding out that I have Inattentive ADHD which is a medical condition that I didn't give to myself automatically helped me to stop feeling like a hopeless loser.

This is an idea to consider:

**Remind yourself regularly that you have a medical condition that you didn't give to yourself and it's not your fault that you are the way you are.

You have coding in your brain so to speak and algorithms that make you think and do things in a certain way that actually makes sense to your brain and that that's not bad.

It's okay.**

I hope that you find that helpful.

[DopamineMachine]

My heart goes out to you. I have felt the same way in the past, but these days that feeling of worthlessness is gone. I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, but I can tell you what has helped me, as someone diagnosed with ADHD and depression late in life.

First of all, have you been evaluated for depression? It is commonly comorbid with ADHD, but is a separate thing. The feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and inner torment you’re describing are symptoms of depression, not ADHD. My depression symptoms improved a little when I was diagnosed with ADHD and started treatment, but they lingered painfully until I was prescribed an antidepressant alongside the stimulants. I had been resistant to the idea of antidepressants, but they’ve honestly helped me a TON!

Learning all I could about how ADHD works helped with that too. Knowing how the ADHD brain works made it a lot harder to judge myself… the brain is an organ, so neurodevelopmental disorders are physical disorders, just less visible. And you wouldn’t judge someone negatively because they were born with a physical disorder, would you?

Another thing I found that really changed how I felt about myself and my place in the world is the VIA Character Strengths assessment (look it up, it’s free). It’s similar to a personality test, but it’s based in culturally-inclusive scientific research, and it helps you identify what your actual STRENGTHS are. ADHDers get so much negative feedback about who we are and how we function that it eats away at our sense of self-worth. I agree 100% with the comment that it’s society’s fault that we’re excluded, not ours. That alone doesn’t make it easier for us to exist here - we can’t force others to accept us - but we CAN accept ourselves and others like us, and I found the VIA resources incredibly helpful in adjusting my world view so that I pay more attention to my and others’ STRENGTHS instead of perceived weaknesses. It has enhanced my ability to connect with other people and I no longer hate or judge myself for my shortcomings. Plus, when looking for jobs, it has helped me skip past all the BS in job listings and ask interviewers more informed questions to try and understand how well suited a job might be suited to my particular strengths. Not all jobs or relationships are a good fit for me, and that’s ok! There are great fits out there for all of us, and it can be hard to find them until we know and love ourselves as we are.

The hard thing about mental health care is that it’s up to each of us to seek it for ourselves, and that means forcing ourselves to be more vulnerable than we already are when we’re at our lowest. You are a valuable person and you deserve to feel better! Hang in there, you’re among friends, and we want you to be happy. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other… breathe, and follow the dopamine!