Warm and Cold

[Stavros_]

I would like to talk more about my situation. So. I met this guy, who the day I met him, he had broken up from a very exhausting relationship. It's been two months since then. We live in the same dorms and we see each other randomly in the shared kitchen. We have had very good conversations, sometimes going as long as 4 hours, generally, we hit it very well a lot of things in common, similar political/ ethical views and all.

He has said that I am attractive and he has thrown some compliments but I am not sure if I should take them seriously. He has invited me to some stuff, but not through a message, I just happen to see him in the kitchen. I have asked him to hang out but he has declined every single time. So the thing I worry about is that he may have feelings or he fears he might start to develop feelings and that's why he keeps me in a distance, or he fears that I might start to have feeligns... I definitely have feelings but I haven't shown anything to make him feel uncomfortable. I have spoken to a friend of his about it, and I suggested I should talk to him straight about my feelings, his friend said no, that he is in a very vulnerable emotional state and that wouldn't be good for him. In the end, I should keep calm, let things evolve on their own and see how it will go. In me, I feel I am losing a good opportunity to have something good with someone I like, but there are also moments i feel that we may not be that good together, sometimes he's cold sometimes he's warm.

I very much understand his position but also I am afraid that if he really liked me he would have shown it to me. He has said to me that he wants his relationships and his friendships separate, is that why he keeps me away from his friends? does he think of it as a potential relationship or does he just not want me because he is onto me. I am trying to focus on other stuff, studies, work, gym improving in general, but I think I am in love and it's very exhausting. All I can do is to wait and see but it gets harder and harder. what is your opinion, what can you detect, do you think he has feelings for me and wants to keep safe or he doesnt? what should I do?

I know ADHD doesn't help with obsession and overanalyzing but what do you think, am I delulu or do these assumptions sound logical... I dont know what else to do other than wait and let things go how they are supposed to. All I want is a moment that I can impress him, to lit up a spark in him you know?

[Beayou]

I saw you’re 24, like my son. I would just chill a bit and just enjoy what comes. I know that’s hard. But if you would change just a little and let the expectations go and just see and enjoy this person when he comes into your life and not read anything into it, whatever is meant to happen will happen without you needing nor having to do that much hard work at all. So in some ways - enjoy the now and aim to go with the flow of life. Just set your ‘wantings’ clear in your mind and focus on what you want - focus only on the good feelings of what you want and trust in the process. Don’t try to rush things nor work to make it you hope it should be - literally lean back and feel it already be as you want it and stay as much as you can in a good state of mind - and he will be even more attracted to you - as you feel so good - and then what ever magic that is supposed to happen with this person will come - without any hard work from your part - expect your ever never ending inner work of always finding and staying in your own inner joy and faith - no matter what ❤️🙏🤗🌸

[Stavros_ in reply to Beayou]

Honestly, thank you so much, i am working on it, its different mentality for me. It's more like, instead of waiting for him to like me, or to beg for an oportunity to impress him or whatever, i need to let things evolve. I'll still show my interest, because, he is an interesting person, but only that. You put it very well and thank you so much for that.

[BLC89]

Hello Stavros,I personally believe you won't miss out on the one for you. Things fall into place and you are both in the same place - mentally and physically - at the same time.

If he is hot and cold he isn't sure what he wants, sometimes he wants this (hot) other times he wants that (cold).

You don't want to, and can't help him figure it out, that is his journey.

As best you can be in the here and now, appreciate the good he has to offer and trust the flow, as Beayou suggests.

That is not easy for younger people so if you can relax into it you are ahead of most your age.

Appreciate the nice conversations and laughs and leave the rest.

You deserve someone who clearly and concisely communicates how much you mean to them. Don't settle for "Reading into it" that's bs and a waste of energy, and you probably aren't going to "read it" correctly.

Clear and concise are your best friends.

Good luck!

BLC89

[Stavros_ in reply to BLC89]

Also avery good way to put it, thank so much for your words!!