Oversharing and interrupting...

[RoseZen]

Does anyone have tips for managing oversharing or interrupting during social situations (especially in work settings)?

[Stippler]

I don't know if this is helpful but I might be dealing with the same thing. When I am volunteering, I tend to say to coworkers way more than I should, and then afterwards am fearful they are angry with me. I am beginning to think my excessive talking is due to my not being comfortable with silence. I am now trying to say nothing unless it is absolutely necessary, and hopefully teach myself that it is okay to not say so much. While it is out of my comfort zone, I am finding that the less I say, the less I regret saying. I hope this is helpful. For me it's an ongoing experiment - not sure how it will turn out over the long haul.

[WeAreAllOK]

I have the same challenge.

I have been told "Breathe through your nose"

I will watch with interest what people share here.

I may come back with some words, but at the moment they seem a little silly and simplistic. I will think.

[Newcassie]

This! I struggled with this all my adult life. I always was trying to control my talking with will power but ended up failing and feeling so much self-loathing.

I was finally diagnosed with ADHD at age 64 (just 2.5 years ago) and started taking Ritalin. Taking Ritalin is the ONLY thing that has truly helped me with this. My psychiatrist told me that the physical hyperactivity we often see in people with ADHD (mostly boys) often shows up in women & girls and verbal hyperactivity. Anyway, when I take my meds, I have the ability to choose to keep my mouth shut; without the meds it’s only a matter of time before my will power fails me.

All that being said, I use a quiet fidget toy to keep me focused and ‘awake’ during meetings. I tried a lot of things, but my GoTo is a beanie baby. The soft texture and the little beans inside soothe me like nothing else. I have a regular beanie baby at home but for going ‘out and about’ I have a smaller one that fits in my purse.

Of course, ADHD, I still have to remember to get it out! Hahaha

[STEM_Dad]

I don't have a great track record for keeping myself from oversharing, because when I start talking whatever pops into my mind tends to just come out of my mouth.

I have found that when I have a planned conversation and write brief notes of what I want to talk about, it helps me to stay on topic more often than not. If I don't have written notes to remind me, but still planned in advance what I want to say, then I'm only halfway likely to overshare.

• The act of writing helps with processing and decision making, which can help to reduce oversharing.

ADHD meds have given me the ability to stop myself from oversharing when I realize that I'm doing it, and they somewhat enable me to stop myself before I open my mouth.

• I'm Inattentive, not Hyperactive-Impulsive, so I don't think that I interrupt as often. However, before starting on meds, I did interrupt more often because I didn't want to forget what I wanted to say. (My meds help me a lot with my working memory.)

I've also noticed that I'm more likely to overshare when I'm tired, and thus have less control of my mouth. When I'm at my normal or lower level of anxiety, I can usually refrain from blurting things out, but when I'm super anxious my filters don't always catch my thoughts before they come out of my mouth.

I've also read that dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) can help to reduce impulsive behaviors.

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TL;DR-

Write notes for yourself on what you plan to discuss, and try to stick to your talking points.

[STEM_Dad]

The other side of this issue is that when we overshare, we tend to feel a sense of shame after-the-fact.

I think of myself as an honest person, and while I might feel a bit embarrassed about sharing more than I meant to, I do not feel embarrassed about being honest and truthful.

I still try to reduce how much oversharing that I do, but since I try not to say anything bad about other people, I don't usually feel like I say anything damaging. I do get distracted easily, and so I do say distracting things; I get off topic; I add too much backstory or too much detail.

But since based on my values I try to be accepting of others as they are, and I try to always be my authentic self, ... I end up not feeling too bad when I do overshare with others.

~~~~~

As for interrupting:

• If I do catch myself interrupting someone else, I will often try to apologize and ask the person to continue with what they were saying.

Altogether, I think that by intentionally practicing authenticity and respect, people that I engage in conversation with don't seem to hold it against me very much when I do interrupt or overshare.

I do wish that I didn't do so, but I try to give myself some grace about the fact that I do.

ADHD does make us emotionally sensitive, and we do not fit into the same mold that our neurotypical friends, family, and colleagues do. Feeling like we are different, don't fit in, are the odd ones out can make is feel uncomfortable or ashamed. But remember that even as different as you are, you do belong, and you have as much of a right to be heard as anyone else does.

Sometimes, the need to share information (which can lead to oversharing) and the impulse to interrupt come from a desire to be significant, to feel like we matter. Well, the truth is that YOU ARE SIGNIFICANT, and YOU DO MATTER! If you realize that, then maybe you won't feel the need to try so hard.

Sometimes, we overshare or interrupt out of excitement about some situation or topic of conversation. We are very emotion-driven and interest-driven, so sometimes we just can't keep the topic of conversation that we are so excited about or so worked up from spilling out.

(I learned from a pastor that "what fills you up is what spills out of you". That lesson was about being filled to with goodness, kindness, etc. ...all the positive qualities that a Bible verse refers to as the "fruit of the Spirit". But it's a universal truth that when you are full of thoughts, ideas, facts, opinions, or whatever else, then it will flow out of you as readily as you take it all in.)

[Mamamichl]

I recently went from a sped face to face classroom to a virtual one . It is helped me immensely because I can mute myself and blurt as much as I want then unmute when I have something cohesive to say. Doing things in writing also helps for me.

One last idea is that it depends on the work environment. Some teams are more open than others and willing to accommodate naturally, others need to have an ada forced on them to be treating workers humanely. I also noticed I naturally over share less with younger kids than older kids and adults.

[Amiwrong]

I tend to overshare when I am going through personal issues. It has come back to bite me. I often trust people and so if I’m struggling in a relationship and openly talk about it, or vent, I always have deep regret, but I feel like it’s really hard to control myself. Some of the things I’ve said has come full circle to where my partner found out what I said. Horrible.

I go though periods at work where I can control it very well. Just paying attention. Like if I can’t catch myself, afterwards I will make a point to ponder over the conversation, be aware, and tell myself to try and catch it sooner the next time, and I would. It would get easier each time. Then later it al comes back again, I start sharing too much. It’s like an addiction that I have to keep in check and I keep falling off the wagon. But I will keep trying :). I hope you too can figure out some skills.

[Soton4ever]

I see you seek advice about dealing with oversharing, interrupting, chaos and clutter, and I don't know excactly what you are looking for other than just do it or just don't do it. I know it's not "just", but there's really no magical solution other than being aware of it and trying your best. Forgive yourself when you fail, and keep trying.