parent child marriage

[Chrysalis3]

i’m in a parent child marriage and it feels utterly gut wrenchingly powerless and a never ending scolding

the never ending - you’re still don’t get it and are not getting it right.

the feelings of victim hood and when you think you got it… you really don’t and the realization of shit really?! i messed up again? i was so focused and so worried. but since no one was aware and i kept it in alll that is left for people to see is my actions and anyone looking would see oh she’s unfazed but on the inside im trying to keep it together and just stand up and get the essentials done and try not to forget things and worry about much of a failure i am

[Wasted71years]

Marriages before diagnosis can evolve to states like this, where one partner holds the steering wheel of life and chides the ADHD partner for what they believe are either intentional passive aggressive acts or moral failures like sloth.

I understood right away after diagnosis and my actions began to change the dynamic once I was being treated. It took longer for my spouse to understand ADHD and rid herself of the old perceptions of me. The good news is that it can happen. It did happen and we now have a very balanced relationship and neither of us unhappy.

Not perfection - there are still times when the medication doesn't work as well. There are still times when the old way of interpreting why I might forget something. Those are a rarity, however. She can say "there goes the ADHD" instead of assuming I intentionally did something.

[Chrysalis3 in reply to Wasted71years]

you intro wow hit me …why is it that is that everyone here understands and yet my clinicallly trained husband doesn’t. which makes me feel like he says something else is wrong with me. how could it be obvious to you all and to him i’m just making excuses (which i will admit yet i do) but then there IS Adhd here also so it’s very complex.

i prey he and i can get there , in fact i can’t wait. but it almost feels like a fantasy