Problem #1: Paralysis & Immediate Overwhelming Shut Down.

[ADHD_DAD_OF_3]

All other issues aside, my number one issue in these past 6 months has been my inability to complete tasks no matter how big or small. As soon as I am presented with a task, chore, or even something I once enjoyed I immediately shut down. My stomach knots up, anxiety sky rockets, and my brain immediately try’s to take me somewhere else. Ultimately I conclude with accomplishing nothing, guilt sets in, weight of my work load increases, I then shut down and find myself in a daze. I begin self isolating, retreating to mindless scrolling or staring off into nothing. My brain trying to find anything to get rid of these feelings. I have been trying breathing techniques and other methods to help manage this but it’s inevitable that it comes back many times each day. It’s truly a tormenting and vicious cycle that I cannot break.

Has anyone been in this position and successfully broken the cycle? If so, how did you do it?

I have lost all interest in doing things. I’ve lost all interest in things that I once enjoyed. It’s very difficult getting through each day and not being able to find even the smallest amount of enjoyment/happiness. 🙆‍♂️🙇‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤷‍♂️.

[Colls47]

hey, I dip in here and there , as it makes me feel worse at times reading that what I go through is adhd and ASD ( maybe not accepting my diagnosis from 3 years ago ag 47 )

I’m still trying to figure out exactly what is going on with the same as you describe . Have I found a way out ? Nope . Sometimes if I just make myself do the something , I get spaced out dizzy and flu like as I do it , but at times , as I’m involved in the said task, it eases , and can arouse some focus , albeit for a few moments .

I too like you as finding each day a chore . Things that used to excite me now fill me full of angst . Wife said yesterday we were going out in eve to a racing stadium . Should have been excited, but just wanted to lay on my bed and wish the day away .

I’m dealing with a multitude of emotions , grief , job loss and anti deprssant withdrawals at same time , so maybe someone who may have a clearer head can offer you some advice , but I get you and I’m hoping , kinda , that it’s adhd not a fault with my brain , and that it will come to pass for you and myself !!!

[Chrysalis3]

i feel you man! i feel the same way. what’s worse is that my husband just thinks i’m a lazy ass that could care less about anything. he tho is i dont love him or our child and that im a user, toxic person….i feel worse because i dont have anyone that understands to lean on to.

recently though Kristen Carder’s podcast about her and her husband being married for 20years really comforted me. it made me feel normal and not some psycho b&@$& as i have been called.

[Queen_of_Tara]

I will start by saying i dont have any great fix because I struggle too. I read a book recently that said split tasks down into ridiculously small parts. I focused in on the word ridiculously. Like emptying dishwasher...i include getting up and going to dishwasher. I start with silverware. Stop. Celebrate job done. Continue with glasses. Etc. Etc. Etc. It feels overwhelming because I'm not getting as much done as I want to or feel I should. But the beauty is that I'm working on it which is more than I'd be doing just sitting and fretting about not getting anything done. I do non-chores like this too, to do things i want to enjoy, reading and drawing are my two. I don't get everything done. I don't feel like it's THE ANSWER. But sometimes it works for me. If this doesn't help, feel free to ignore. Only take advice that is useful. I'm with you in the struggle! Keep going!

[ADHD_DAD_OF_3]

Sorry for the delayed response. As some of you know this feeling I made my original post then became too overwhelmed to go back and respond to anything…

The stresses of simple everyday life tasks have reached the point of crippling me and the feeling of being overwhelmed keeps me in that crippling state.

I just want to feel normal and happy again. I miss the feelings of enjoyment and feeling good about myself. I miss the feeling of accomplishment when I get something done or have a true win in my life. Right now if I am able to complete a task everything just feels so transactional and meaningless

I do at time embrace my ADHD. It is truly a gift and a curse. I excel rapidly at everything I do, and it’s rare that outside my mental struggles, there’s not many things I can’t do, fix, build, etc. The burden of this is I know I can do anything, I just can’t seem to get myself to do them.

I want to do fun things for myself, with my kids, friends, an d family. I don’t want them to ever view me as lazy or selfish but what they can only see my actions but not my feelings. I am trying to be an open and honest person to better help them understand, however in my mind I feel like all I’m doing is giving them excuses and the burdens of guilt and shame take over which in turn makes me not want to communicate at all.

I tell myself this is just where you’re at in life. Things will get better and become easier. However I worry about the damage I may have caused during this period (losing friends, love from my children, etc.) that when things do eventually get better I won’t have what I want and be able to share it with the people I want to.

Such is life, I guess.

[Chrysalis3]

your post hits home when you talk about the feelings you have. i, however, have never maybe once or twice have experienced the euphoria of getting something done. i feel crippled and i never get to the point of ever really tasting the pure sense of wow i did and earned it and man that feels good.

if anything im reminded everyday of how incompetent i feel…

i have no words of encouragement right now only to say thank you for your post bc on a daily i feel like an alien.

[FocusAndFlow]

I hear you. Been there, done that for the better part of the last two decades.

Here's a suggestion to get you thinking about something else and I can attest that it totally works. It may not be a panacea, but it gets me in a much, much better place to where I can put other behavioral tools in practice much easier and more consistently.

This is a very good write up on ADHD and Cold Plunging:

neurolaunch.com/cold-plunge...

As a consequence of researching this and the science behind it, I got a cold plunge. I've now gone over two weeks with daily Cold Plunges at or slightly below 40oF. I started off at 5 minutes and it easily built up to a tolerance of 20 minutes in about then days. If I feel this much better, pretty much all the time after 17 days straight, I can only imagine what 30, 60 and 90 days of daily cold plunges will do!

I suspect I have relatively high cold temp tolerance, though. START SLOW and EASY, 30 secs to 3 minutes in 55-60oF and bring temp down gradually, staying in longer so you don't shock yourself out of a major benefit on this one.

***OBVIOUSLY - Check with your doctor, in case you have a cardiac condition or any other contra-indication. Can't be too careful***

Now I even do routine dipping of my head underwater for 10 seconds about a dozen times or more during those 20 minute sessions. I even swing my head side to side so I keep breaking the thermal layer around my body so I get maximum cold exposure.

Bottom line: This results in a huge, yet gentle, totally manageable surge of dopamine and norepinephrine that lasts pretty much all day (at least 8 hours, up to 12 hours). No big crash at the end, just a gentle wearing off. It's completely natural and can increase these levels by up to 250%, per the science behind that.

Hubermanlab.com has a great podcast on this as well with Dr. Soeberg, the leading researcher on it. I highly recommend you look that up as well.

I'm sleeping better as well, and I can concentrate much better during the day, with an enormous DECREASE in COGNITIVE LOAD, which is what you are experiencing. That is where the shut down from overwhelm comes from. Your brain is going from Eustress to Distress and quick and often. Your system is overloaded with cortisol throughout the day, which is exactly what happened to me for decades.

I'll admit the cold is very unpleasant at first, but I actually look forward to it now, so do know that even the bad part of this goes away, or at least comes down considerably. In fact, my body acclimated to it very quickly, in just a half dozen or so sessions.

I was exactly where you are just a month or two back, and I've been unemployed for now 13 months. I'm calmly looking for work, and I am becoming much more the master of my emotions that I always wanted to be. Only the man who has complete dominion over himself and his emotions experiences true freedom. The cold really helps. A lot.

Yes, take your Rx, exercise, go on walks, meditate, eat and sleep well, supplements/vitamins - Continue to do everything you do, just add this to your routine. You'll thank yourself for having done it, no matter how unpleasant in the beginning.

Be well. Godspeed.