Living Independently

[MoonMama87]

I have been diagnosed ADHD for about 10 years now. Some days are better than others. Recently, I've been going through a lot of stress and I know that I am circling the burnout drain. I have zero energy and zero motivation to do anything. This has caused my house to look like a mess. I have been trying to clean here and there but every time I clean up, it just gets trashed again. I know I have a problem with just putting things anywhere instead of where they should go and so I've been working on that. But it seems like not much is helping. I know it's not just me. My teenage son contributes to the mess and hardly cleans up after himself. I have talked to him and tried to lead by example and clean as much as I can but it seems like he doesn't really care. It's stressing me out beyond imagination. I don't want to be messy. I don't want to live in a mess. I just want to be able to clean and declutter without issues like burnout and executive function getting in my way.

Does anyone have any tips or hacks that help them when cleaning? I started watching some videos in Youtube and found a guy with Autism who helps people with ADHD and Hoarding Disorder and other neurodivergent folks clean and declutter their homes for free. And to be honest it is the most peaceful and judgement free process. He shows how he cleans and it has helped change my mindset somewhat. While I know that it's helping, I feel like it's not enough.

Thanks for reading this and helping out if possible. 💟

[CreationInProgress]

Hi! I totally get it I've been there and first of all you have to set your priorities. Having an organized house is important but your health and your mental health comes first. When burnout hit me one of the hardest thing was stopping neglecting and torturing myself for all the things that I didn't do.

Keeping the house organized when you are exhausted is a battle. One thing that I realized is that I got overwhelmed by all the things (clutter) that I have and I wonder how others can survive with so much less... Here I use what I call "the hide and clean system" when we start cleaning we don't know how much dopamine are we going to " produce or maintain" so it's good to have a cheat here. When I'm cleaning a room I start by putting all the clutter in a box to deal with it later. Put some music and clean the area. Depending on how much energy I have after it I put some of the things from the box and the rest you hide it (for now) because it can get overwhelming to put it all back. The next step is look at this space and be amazed by how good it looks and for the next days you try to maintain that space if you have extra energy you unhide the box and put some things.

With your son that depends on your parenting style and the rules that you set. I'm also a psychologist working with kids and teens and they have to understand that they don't live in a hotel and things aren't free so their work is school and helping at home. If he wants to meet friends you are probably driving him and that's a privilege the same as wifi and computers because it isn't free for you. It may look like tough love but that's going to help him later in life. Maybe body double can work, you can set an hour to clean everyday and you both share the chores for that hour.

Set only one goal for the day like cleaning the bathroom if you also clean the kitchen and the living area it's an extra that you did but if you set lots of goals and you only achieve two you'll probably feel bad.

I hope it helps!

[MoonMama87 in reply to CreationInProgress]

Thank you so much for your reply! I will definitely try these tips, they sound easy and I'm at that point where it's needed. Also, thank you for the parenting tip. You're right, it may sound like tough love but it's necessary. Thanks again! 😊

[Babyjane1980]

Can you share the name of the YouTuber that you found? I don't have too much to share in terms of tips, but definitely feel your pain. I am finishing up a graduate degree and have kids, so my house is just always a wreck. And when I briefly ride the medication wave and get stuff done, it only lasts a couple of days. I think on some level, there has to be some acceptance that not all of us will have impeccably tidy homes. In fact, most people don't!! But it is stressful to see that never ending pile of laundry...

[MoonMama87 in reply to Babyjane1980]

Hi, Babyjane! Yes, the name of the YT is Midwest Magic Clean. He is silly and thorough. I absolutely love his videos. Good point about accepting that not all our homes will be tidy. I struggle with perfectionism so sometimes I want things to be just right and it drives me nuts when it's not. But I have been working on accepting that 80% is just as good as 100% and leaves me with better mental health. Thank you for your comment.

[Mamamichl]

some people swear that the dubbii app is amazing. It’s an app for body doubling. Also, you can tie your son to helping out my bricking his phone or game system until some of he cleaning is done.