It would be so great to fit in at school or work or the team or, or, or. We have all wished for this and sometimes it even came true. Hurray! But it never felt as good as we thought it would.
When we are trying to fit in we know that we are not accepted just as we are so something has to change. So, we sift through our characteristics trying to decide what to give up. We are desperately trying different iterations of ourselves to see what works.
Fitting in is changing to be the right shape, where as belonging, is having your shape incorporated into the whole.
When you have ADHD fitting in is a deep longing that follows you wherever you go. We think it would be so nice to be “normal” for once. Unfortunately due to the high price of “normal” or fitting in we suffer terribly. We aren’t ourselves when we fit in. We are a version of ourselves that takes a tremendous amount of energy to maintain.
We are constantly wondering what it will be that will be get us ousted from the group. This is a terrible feeling and generates stress and anxiety.
If you are longing to fit in or be normal I ask that you hang in there. Remind yourself that you haven’t found your group YET! They are out there, there are here in this forum for example, so you are getting warmer
As best you can let yourself be yourself when you are interacting in safe spaces like this one. You will be surprised by how much empathy, sympathy and understanding is available.
Search for belonging, make that the goal. One method for doing that is to recognize that you are wired differently and that’s OK. It’s the “that’s OK” part that takes practice. Accepting yourself for who and how you are is the first step to allowing others to do the same.
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