High functioning ADHDer

[extrastout23]

Seeking friends and support for making the best of as well as overcoming the worst of long undiagnosed ADHD.

[STEM_Dad]

Welcome to the forum! Well, this is in a good place for community and support.

Are you also looking for suggestions of other support groups and communities online, I've listed the ones I'm a part of in my bio on this site.

[extrastout23 in reply to STEM_Dad]

Any and all support I can find, absolutely. I've yet to meet someone that has an ADHD diagnosis or even remotely thinks the way I do in 45 years. Thank you

[STEM_Dad in reply to extrastout23]

Well, as you meet more adults with an ADHD diagnosis, you will find that there is a lot of variation, but also a lot of similarities.

We often feel like we don't fit in, which leads to "masking", in an attempt to seem "normal".

I was masking up until my ADHD diagnosis, because I had assumed that I was neurotypical. But I also realized a long time ago that despite my ongoing attempts to fit in with the main group wherever I was at, I was always on the edge of the group. I was generally likable, but different enough that I often wasn't included.

And I couldn't hide my distractibility or my memory issues.

Eventually, years before my diagnosis, I realized that I had an affinity for people that i knew who were neurodivergent (ADHD, ASD, OCD, dyslexic, etc). I just thought that it was my empathy. Then I realized more and more that the things I'd always struggled with were traits that I shared with colleagues who had opened up to me that they have ADHD.

It wasn't a sudden epiphany...it was a slow realization. And it still took getting totally overwhelmed with anxiety before I would finally go to a mental health counselor, and then asked "while I'm here (for anxiety therapy), can you assess me for ADHD, too?"

...

Sorry about the long story. Here's the conclusion.

I think a lot of people with ADHD are all around us, but are masking. Statistically, between 5-10% of adults would qualify for an ADHD diagnosis. (There are others with ADHD traits, but not enough to be diagnosed, so they might have subclinical ADHD.)

I feel a lot more comfortable with myself once I finally accepted that I have ADHD and stopped masking. I choose to be open to others about having ADHD. I often experience feeling accepted by others for who I am, when before I felt tolerated but not really accepted.

[fransmom]

I am a nurse who was diagnosed at 42. It was a relief to put a name on why I’ve always felt socially inept, scatterbrained with severe memory issues, didstractibity and emotional dysregulation not to mention RSD. It took a nasty divorce of 23 years and menopause where the symptoms became out of control to seek help as I thought I might have a brain tumor or something. All the compensation I’ve done my whole life to fit in and thought I was broken affected my job performance which developed into anxiety, severe depression and imposter syndrome. I’ve been a nurse for 20 years and had no clue of the adult symptoms or that ADHD is like a spectrum which can present itself totally different in females. Hitting menopause just added to the shit show it seems. I felt so overwhelmed and at the end of my rope. Consulted with neurologist who did MRI,eeg and a battery of cognitive assessment tests . Referred to Psych NP and was Dx either the aforementioned conditions. She referred me to online resources like CHAAD AND ADDitute which was life changing. I cried, like hysterically, after reading and participating in the forums and finally said, “yes I finally found my people”. The overwhelming life stressors culminated and added to my depression, with ever increasing anxiety, while I was undiagnosed was almost my rock bottom.

Find a good therapist who specialize in our issues and meds helped tremendously, but in the end, it’s a daily struggle and most of it is just being neurodivergent in a neurotyocal world . There are tons of references out there to assist with better understanding your brain function, which for me was fundamental. Just know you’re not alone. You’re not defective or broken. You are just you. Sorry for being long winded. It’s one of our many quirks😊. Hope this helps.

[extrastout23 in reply to fransmom]

Long winded... like my bio? Lol. Everything you both have described fits me to a T. A lot of my symptoms were masked for a long time either from compensation or lack of stress. In my late 20's the possibility of ADHD was brought to my attention by my then wife and I couldn't believe what I was reading! That's when the journey of discovery began. Psychiatrist that prescribed Strattera, which had sexual side effects for me, only for him to tell me "You know you're getting older though, right?" I was maybe 30 at the time. Adderall had a different sexual side effect, so meds weren't very successful.

Neurofeedback was next and might have helped a little, but at the time, I couldn't really pin point if I was doing or feeling better. Didn't really have specific markers that I could identify as improving.

Then divorce, unemployment, and lost the house (2008 was so wonderful). Followed by PDD, Persistent Depression Disorder, which had likely long been there, but with the circumstances it flared up like a fire pit.

Then the funniest thing happened, my life started going somewhere again. I got a corporate job with a salary, bonus, and great benefits. I was on my own and lived by myself for the first time ever. Granted that only lasted 5 or 6 months when my new girlfriend (now wife of going on 6 years) moved in with me. I had stopped therapy and felt great for quite a while.

But the last 4 years, the stress has just been building and building (Yay COVID, inflation, and high interest rates!). Then came breakdown number 2, a year ago. Emergency room visit, 6 months of disability, therapy and Wellbutrin/Prozac is ongoing. The PDD has improved, but the stress and ADHD keep poking at it with the help of anxiety.

Now I can clearly identify so many symptoms, but I'm not sure how to deal with them. Meds didn't work, neurofeedback didn't, and I have also had plenty of CBT with little success. The best I can tell, I simply need to drink less and lose weight, considering I caught diabetes instead of COVID, hypertension, and ED. Sounds simple enough... Nope.

It feels great to be able to spell it all out to people that understand though, so thank you for reaching out. So much easier to write everything then to try and explain in person. You can't re-read and change or correct what you say. You can't pause as long to try and figure out what to say next.

But thank you again and sorry for the novella haha.

[Brownbird]

Hi.Know that feeling of having high function ADHD. I consider myself to be one too. But it catches up and then there are dark places where the neurotypicals cannot reach. I believe that life has a lot of opportunities and trying to fit in has only made me more resentful. I quit full time work in July to explore opportunities and navigate paths I haven't done before. Would love to connect.

[extrastout23 in reply to Brownbird]

Couldn't have said it better, and I'm in the very early stages of exploring opportunities. What did you have in mind?

[Burgersnfries130]

New here. First time posting in a community forum but long time reader of many. I guess I feel as if I need to share because it was helpful and comforting to hear some of yours. Thanks for sharing. I always felt I was different but couldn't put a pin on it. I'm 40 and was diagnosed a few months ago. I work as a corporate tax accountant. Probably the worst profession someone with ADHD could have. Similar to some of you I got by or around my ADHD by fear and panic, working long and late hours, and bullshiting. However, shit hit the fan in the last 5 years. I'm married with 2 kids and I was struggling hard, the stress of work, marriage and 2 children started messing me up. I quickly became very overweight, and put on medication for diabetes and high cholesterol. My coping mechanisms to deal with my ADHD were limited. I have 2 children, I can no longer stay at work late. Instead I'd stay up after they go to sleep to try to work. This affected my marriage among other things. My health as well because of the lack of sleep. I felt like life was just spiraling out of control. Having to overextend myself to please my wife, my boss, and my kids. It sucked all the energy and little joy I had left, I wished I could just disappear. I believe at this point I had dysthymia (self diagnosed). So many friends and peers around me seemed like they had their shit together. Why can't I? I'm struggling at work, marriage, and our finances are hell. The worst feeling for me is when I see former colleagues and peers who started at Big 4 accounting firms at the same time or after me become partners and directors and I'm still a senior which is the level you get to after 3 or 4 years of working in the field, I'm on year 17.

I began to blame: my childhood, my laziness as an adolescent and young adult, lack of confidence and believing in myself, my ethnic culture I grew up in, my father for always working and my mother who was a pushover. Through my endless scrolling of my social media feeds I came across ADHD. When I began to read more about it I couldn't believe it. I felt like I was reading my biography (exaggerating) it brought me to tears. I hesitated for a bit to seek professional help. But I made an appointment with a psychiatrist and he confirmed that I likely have it and prescribed medication. That being said, I've had a hard time accepting the diagnosis I know some people find relief. But I can't help but think had I found out sooner what could have been. Probably not the right way to look at it, which is what brought me here. I hate the field I work in but with 2 kids and mortgage and living paycheck to paycheck I see no other choice. The medication is helping quite a bit. I tried one therapist but we didn't click. I'm meeting another soon. I recently started working at a new company same field, and my boss here is extremely kind, which helps a lot, it also gives me some motivation to better myself. If you got to here, thanks for reading. And please share.