Executive functioning

[FAMOUSMILITIA]

Does anyone here with ADHD have advice for overcoming shame and humiliation for executive functioning deficits?

[iWasSunshine]

Yes! The short answer is : get an ADHD coach! (I have a whole post about it on my profile if you’re interested to know my experience and opinions about coaching.)

It’s all about changing your thoughts (which the coach will help you do) about your current situations.

Circumstances create Thoughts; thoughts create feelings; feelings drive actions; and actions will determine your results.

It’s all really fascinating and incredibly helpful! If you’re interested, DM me and I’d be happy to elaborate.

☀️

[wtfadhd in reply to iWasSunshine]

That last paragraph from iwassunshine is the exact description of CBT( cognitive, behavior therapy). CBT techniques are effective for almost anything a person may struggle with. Good luck!

[jonghee]

As stated by others, a coach will go a long way. I wish I could afford it. I plan to one day though.

There's small things you can do that are ADHD specific, such as playing a game with yourself. Don't allow all or nothing thinking to get you down...make the game be doing x amount of tasks one day. Once you hit that mini goal, give yourself credit. Then the next day, make your goal to do a little more. Don't get discouraged by focusing on the failures. Concentrate on daily mini goals, give yourself credit when you succeed, and forgive yourself when you don't, because you will eventually conquer it.

[Cupressaceae]

Acceptance goes a long way.

If you accept that ADHD means that you have executive functioning deficits, and despite your best efforts, there will be missteps and bad days, but you are fundamentally a good person doing the best you can, it's easier to stand up to people who try to shame you for being the way you are. Everyone makes mistakes, and there's no good that comes from shaming a person for something that is just part of ADHD.

Acceptance also makes it easier to see how you might make new choices in the future that support your executive functioning deficits, rather than exacerbating them. You aren't fighting your self-shaming inner voice, and can put your energy toward picking yourself back up and repairing relationships, or making your environment better for your needs.

I have several friends with ADHD, one of them a very close friend who I message when I'm having days where I just can't get any of my shit together. Just confiding in her helps me to defuse the situation, because she gets it. I don't ask her for pity or to cheer me on, just to hear me and understand, so that I don't feel alone in my struggles.

[DesertAl]

Shame is pervasive in ADD derivative impacts. Like an octopus, shames tendrils seem to extend everywhere. I found that shame was a major element of my life. I ventured out less at times for fear of feeling shame. I chose self-isolation of more shame.

My greatest shame was when I was reactive. I scared my children and my wife, acting reactively and at the times I was out of control.

What can you do about Executive Function caused shame? The first suggestion is enhancing your resilience. Increasing your social and work resilience will keep the stress down.

I have been working with a coach and it helps. When coached, remember that you need to understand how you work and when you are productive.

A good coach understands that their clients are non-normative and as such will integrate executive function in variable unique ways, their goal is to support what the client can integrate in their lives.

You should be in Cognitive therapy, and if available check out EMDR.

The shame has an originating point, find that point, then you can start working on finding the next one, and the next. Our society uses shame all the time to motivate, guess what, it's very destructive.

Shame is an inwardly focused emotion, yet it is a simple mental construct; I failed so I am ashamed. I am different so I am shamed. I am nonnormative so I am shamed. Being myself I am shamed. Each shaming beats you further to a point where you seek to not engage activities to limit shame.

Take small steps and educate yourself about your ADD, knowledge will bring comprehension and self-awareness.