Undiagnosed until middle age

[ME196]

Hello everyone,I feel like I missed out on a full productive life because I had undiagnosed ADHD since I can remember; I was only recently diagnosed a few years ago in middle age. I've always hyperfocused on things that didn't matter to others but it would consume a lot my time. Has anyone had this feeling and have you overcome it: and how? I've also had other health issues that stopped me from opening my own business: (I had breast cancer) which I'm now cancer free; nut the ADHD has me scared of never being able to fulfill my dreams.

[Allysmum]

Yes! Wading through treacle

[ScooterJoe]

Yep, been there. Fast forward 20 years and you have me. I've had breast cancer too--9 years cancer free, thank God. Those couple of years were like walking through a fog. Not only having to adjust to a new body but my mother also passed away during that time. When I left work in the evening, there was no stopping at mom's house to see what she was cooking, it was going home to my quiet house (my husband worked evenings at the time) and just sitting there alone with my thoughts. I hope your bout with cancer went well and I have no complaints about my treatment nor the outcome. It was the psychological effect at a fragile time in life namely in my 60's, menopause and all that stuff. I don't know how your treatment went; I didn't have to have any chemo or radiation but my mastectomy was done as one day in and the next day out. It was literally the next day getting into the shower, now completely flat chested on one side with drain bags attached to me--shock!!! But, I guess I've muddled through. Like you I was diagnosed with an attention deficit problem late in life along with narcolepsy. I've dealt with depression since I was a teenager a long time ago. Just with those three issues I can take my Nuvigil, my Adderall and have a cup of coffee then settle in for my nap. Many people tell me that routine would keep them awake for days--it's just life to me. I guess what I'm saying is that you're not alone. Don't give up trying. We don't find 'happiness' in this life but we do seek joy: that feeling of well-being that doesn't depend on what circumstances we are going through. Being in these groups and sharing thoughts and feeling with others who are seeking understanding too is the best therapy I've had. Keep writing and don't give up.

[DreamingOfNormal]

I, too, was diagnosed later in life (in my 50’s). Of course, “back in the day” I wouldn’t have been diagnosed anyway, because ADHD wasn’t recognized. Boys were hyper or incorrigible & girls were lazy. I’m creative, so I use my hyper-focusing as a superpower.

The things that I’m really interested in I use to my advantage: I get my Christmas shopping done early, I create a calendar for family & friends with my photography, I clean the nooks & crannies of my kitchen using dental tools. These things may seem excessive or OCD to others, but they satisfy my my brain, & I’m accomplishing something. Perhaps you need to list the things you get hyperfocused on & use them to your advantage. Maybe researching things for other people?

All the best to you in your journey!

[Sunnyskies2023]

I’m going trough this too. But as I start treatment I’m not seeing that everything for me has gotten better. Just I know why now. So I’m not sure that much would have changed in my life. Maybe I haven’t found the right meds yet. I hope you find meaningful changes to your life and more happiness and success.

[PinkPanda23]

I am celebrating my 67th birthday today; I was 54 when I was diagnosed. It was such a relief and clarification to find out I wasn't crazy, lazy or stupid from the book my therapist had me read that I didn't spend too much time looking at my past except to forgive and validate myself. Fortunately, I had 21 years of 12th step work to help me cope with the fallout of having undiagnosed ADHD.

In 2014, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had surgery, chemo, and radiation for 10 months following. I stopped taking Vyvanse during all that and just focused on fighting cancer. There was so much brain fog during the treatments that ADHD was just one more thing... After breast cancer treatment, I could no longer tolerate ADHD meds - we tried 7 right away and 2 more just recently- I get tardive dyskenesia and chew up my mouth and cheeks 🤷‍♀️.

Three years ago, I went into severe heart failure and we discovered that the chemo had attacked my heart. I now have a pacemaker and take 9 prescriptions a day.

My point is that ADHD has always been with me and always will be. Knowing what it is and why I am the way I am has been such a relief, I just don't let it stop me from putting one foot in front of the other. I still forget things. I misplace things. I blurt out things at the wrong time and talk too much. But I also live in the moment and find joy every day and have a creative mind. ADHD gives me quirks that annoy the heck out of people, but also endears me to them. It's part of me, but not all of me.

You can do this. Come here often. It's very enlightening and people are kind and understanding. Best wishes!

[Knitting20projects]

Yes. I was diagnosed at 50 after trying for 6 years to get 2 highly trained professionals to hear my concerns. I was told I was too academically successful in school & then too professionally successful to have it. I then have needed 3.5 years away from my career due to burnout which I attribute to overfunctioning for decades with untreated ADHD. I am 51 & have considered going back into additional career training in a subspecialty area I’m passionate about. I worry I would struggle with 1 requirement: the research project, because I would need a lot of structure that I struggle to impose on myself. It’s very frustrating knowing other people don’t struggle with these issues. I also have family who minimize ADHD & have expressed judgmental opinions about behaviors we ADHD’ers really struggle with. Luckily my husband and kids are supportive. Sending you hugs. Medicine helps and yet isn’t a cure all.

[Attentiondefdiff]

It’s actually a very normal reaction. Dr. Hallowell addresses that in ADHD 2.0. Once you get diagnosed there is a time of mourning and grief for the life you could have had if only… Learning how it works in your life and becoming aware of what you’re doing then finding your way to have a more functional and easier life is the next step Just from experience don’t try to follow others’ strategies, use them as a reference to find your functional best