Fears with my new life and TDAH

[LuisBarcelona]

I am afraid of emptiness and making mistakes now that I am going to start a new life without my protective partner after 13 years. Will I be able to choose a house for rent where I feel comfortable? How will I handle finances? and loneliness? What if I have a serious illness? I live far from my family who can't help me either, but I have friends, I'm sociable, a job that I like... Have you ever felt that emptiness of starting over knowing our ADHD difficulties? It will be my first conscious grief. Thanks!

[STEM_Dad]

Since you're not going to have that protective partner in your life anymore, think about what kinds of support you will need from your friends.

It's okay to have a conversation with them to tell them what help you're going to need. They also might have good advice from their own experiences, and might be able to help you build structure and new routines into your life.

[LuisBarcelona in reply to STEM_Dad]

Definitely. I have a couple of friends who are incredible and I love them very much and I also helped a lot with their difficulties. Because I think that despite our neurodivergence we are incredible and equally valid. Hugs STEM_Dad

[STEM_Dad in reply to LuisBarcelona]

How right you are! People are all equal, and equally important, but also uniquely different.

There's an old proverb that "two are better than one; if one falls down, the other is there to lift them up". (It's from the Bible, but I forget which verse exactly.)

It's good to have others in your life to help you, especially in a difficult time for you. And you will be there for them, too. This is one of the beautiful things about life, that we can come together to help one another in difficult times, so that we can have more good times together.

[Solyplaya]

I totally understand how you are feeling. After 23 years with an overprotective partner and planning a separation this is also my worry. How do you manage things you have never had to manage? Bills, rent .. For me the diagnosis was painful but it was also empowering. Think of it as a new learning experience, relie on friends of you have to and don't be afraid to ask for help on things they knew how to do. You got this! Btw I'm Spanish too best of luck

[LuisBarcelona in reply to Solyplaya]

thanks a lot Solyplaya how many things in common!I i also live with sunandbeach, Solyplaya

I love him very but as my brother. I think I have been with him until now because of my fear: the incompetent who needs to be cared.

How lucky that the diagnosis has helped you, I have received it as a relief on one hand but on the other I increase my fear, and less self-sufficiency.

Are you in a therapeutic onlime group? do you live in Spain? Can I contact you privately?

[Solyplaya in reply to LuisBarcelona]

Hi LuisBarcelona, Ha ha! Yes, I too had a bit of solyplaya in Mallorca this summer. Unfortunately I live in the Uk

I live in the Uk :(I'm not in any groups yet, only on Facebook for teachers with Adhd . I'm a Spanish teacher. I was diagnosed 3 years ago in my old age and I'm trying to figure things out . I too am with a partner that does everything just because it was convenient, but I am willing to have a go at figuring things out... Sure you can contact me, but I'm not sure how to share my details on this platform...

[LuisBarcelona in reply to Solyplaya]

Thank you very much for your message and good luck in your process! You have already seen that there are many of us and that we are progressing little by little towards more and more autonomy. How much can you help each other in a specific group for teachers. Thank you! I will look for more Facebook groups with other parts of my personality to connect with.

[EnlightenedOne]

In my recovery program, we're taught to recognize what you can control and what you can't, and to do what you can do "One day at a time". Sometimes it has to be reduced to "one hour at a time" at times when it feels overwhelming and there is much to do.

I support what others say, lean into people you trust and be vulnerable in what you really need today. This moment will also pass and afterwards I believe you will recognize what you were capable of doing these decisions to transition your life all along. Write it down, do what you can to empty your worries onto something else that you can read or a friend you trust that will listen. And then you can be ready for the day, and repeat tomorrow when you feel the same way. It will get better, you can do this

[LuisBarcelona in reply to EnlightenedOne]

Great advice that I will remember: one day at a time, especially in this process. I also write down everything. With chaos, but drive and bullet points help me a lot. Thank you so much EnlightenedOne

[LuisBarcelona]

Thank you very much for your recommendations and support! I feel understood and with more tools. I am sad for the loss. I feel positive about my friends will help ,e with everyday life. I already have a couple of good friends who are already doing it. God the management of looking for a flat, budget, interviews and in the end choosing. What a chaos with my divergent way of processing but at the end with strest I manage.

I think my awareness of neurodivergent traits has scared me more than helped me lately because before I went through other situations successfully, in a chaotic, anxious but successful way.

I have always had a lot of fear that I have faced.

[LuisBarcelona]

It has been one of the hardest weekends of my life. We have been experiencing the first part of grief together. We have cried together trying to understand what has brought us to this place and our relationship. I feel immense emptiness and fear about what my life will be after this decision. But I also feel freedom, a desire to grow, to focus on my work, my family and my friends. To be independent. Make new friends, take care of myself, work on my body and soul. And to learn new coping strategies with all of you.