Hi - New here, hoping to get advice and support to improve my struggles with ADD. Here are some things I've noticed over the years
1. Time is my enemy. There's never enough and I'm often making bad choices about what to do with it. I feel overwhelmed most of the time.
2. What I always thought of as "doing best under pressure" I'm realizing is causing me stress and anxiety and if I'm being honest not really my "best" either. But I can't seem to make myself do the most important things first.
3. Because of that, I feel I'm not really living my core values, which I feel bad about.
4. There's a spiral of procrastination causing shame causing further procrastination. It is a big problem at work.
5. Adderall and anxiety meds don't actually make things get done.
6. Stress and busyness of aging parents, difficult teens, household responsibilities, career ambitions, my own health issues, etc, is making my ADD symptoms more intrusive than ever. I feel like I'm going crazy or developing dementia on a regular basis.
7. To people who don't understand ADD it may look like a behavior problem or laziness or just not being very smart. But I DO know better, and I'm still hard on myself. I can be my biggest critic. I don't want an excuse for why I don't function better, I just want to function better.
I wonder if these thoughts strike a chord with anyone else here. I'm hoping I can learn ideas and tips from this forum and I appreciate the people sharing here.
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Adivina
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Number 5 is the one I honed in on. All the rest are common ADHD feelings/problems, but meds should work. They're not a miracle that fixes everything, but they fix enough that you have the space to address anything they don't fix yourself. They're a beginning to a lot of self work, but they're also the beginning of addressing pretty much everything else you listed. The problem is that we tend to assume there's one treatment for everything, and that doctors always know what they're doing. We assume that if the doctor says "you have X condition, here's the medication for that", then there's no reason to second-guess them - they've given you the standard treatment, that's it; and if it doesn't work, then meds don't work.
If you're experiences are anything like mine, you were diagnosed with anxiety long before you were diagnosed with ADHD. So they prescribed you a SSRI, like Prozac. But if you're anxiety is related to ADHD, then SSRIs won't treat it (if you're like me, they'll make both the ADHD and anxiety worse). Everything changed for me when I got on a dopamine-based antidepressant called buproprion. But that's such a non-standard treatment, most doctors think it's for addiction issues.
So, I'd start by telling your doctor that the meds are not doing what you want them to. It may just be a question of dosage, or a different regime. Unfortunately finding the right meds is a journey. A lot of trial and error, and doing you're own homework. Anyone who thinks meds are a quick fix has never done this before.
Once meds make you feel more capable, it's surprising how quickly self-esteem falls into place, and you stress less. Once you're able to procrastinate *less*, it's easier to go easy on yourself, and not see procrastination as a serious fault, but rather a bad habit that you can break. You will function better.
all of it. I’m in a very similar position of caring for aging parents and teens and this summer threw renovating our house into the chaos. Nothing gets done well or on time and that causes me to make bad decisions about time and money. The shame spiral is real. Maybe some of the lessons I learned this summer will help.
1. Be clear about what you can do and what support you need. For our renovation I knew that project management is not my strong suit and that decision making overwhelms me. I tried to get my husband to agree to having an interior designer help us but wasn’t clear or insistent about it. As a result I struggled through the renovation, questioning every decision and not ordering things on time. And beat myself up for not being able to do those things. I knew I needed that support and should have advocated for myself better.
No one does everything well! Knowing your strengths and limitations and getting support where needed is brave and frees you to focus on what you are great at.
2. The only thing that has been saving me lately is mindfulness meditation. It gives me the space to pause and identify priorities and what I need to let go. And also to be kind to myself. I’m so hard on myself and compare myself and my abilities to my neurotypical spouse who seemingly effortlessly gets things done. Meditation somehow always puts me in a space to remember that we bring other strengths to the table.
Maybe that’s not what you were looking for but hope it helps someone. Good luck! And hang in there.
I can definitely relate. The fuller my plate gets, the more things feel like they’re falling apart. With kids and a career, your baseline is already quite full.
In addition to meds, I think there are three things that I’ve found that help. The more I’m overwhelmed, the harder they are to implement. But so important.
My Planner Pad - it’s basically a Planner set up as a to do list system. If I make myself look at it in the morning and before bed, it helps a lot to get the chaos out of my head.
Flylady for housekeeping and organization. I discovered her long before my diagnosis and it’s one of the most impactful things I’ve done.
Walking - the more I walk during a day, the better my head seems to regulate itself. I’m lucky to have been able to build this into my commute. But some other form of exercise may also do this for you.
Thanks so much for your responses! All very helpful even if to know I'm not alone.
MTA- I've been on bupropion since about 2014. The med I tried first was Paxil and it made me gain 30 lb. I don't want to take anything ever again that would cause weight gain like that. On top of the bupropion I take adderall on work days. I might look into other options, these have been refilled by my primary care physician since the original psychiatrist prescribed them in 2014, and I haven't seen a psychiatrist since then for a med review.
daverussell If you think you have the symptoms you probably do. I was always this way but didn't get diagnosed until my son was, and I had recognized all of his school challenges in myself, so I went for help then too.
BlueTrails I think you deserve a medal for undertaking a renovation! I moved in 3 years ago and had all the walls painted gray, and in all that time I haven't been able to buy one piece of art. I did hire an interior designer but I kept not getting back to her and was unable to pull the trigger on any of her recommendations except the window blinds. Only because my family was pestering me relentlessly for window blinds.
I will try meditating - that is something I've thought about but never got around to.
Slmndrs i forgot all about flylady - one of my friends back in the 90s swore by her too. I will check it out. I agree walking is helpful - I do Zumba too and find it really resets my head. The planner idea is good too. I've been trying to learn to do this. Ive always had a problem with todo lists; after I write something on the list, I don't do it. I have calendars and am trying to develop a routine of writing up each morning what's needed that day, coming up, and in the future, and then starting the next day's page at the end of the day. A work in progress. I'd like to take a course in calendar management but haven't gotten around to finding one if there even is one.
I have no specific recommendations, if you're already in the med that id recommend. All i am saying is that if i were you, I wouldn't accept that the meds don't help you get things done. For me, meds have been the single thing that has made the most difference. Meds are where I'd look, to try to improve things.
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