Thank you for asking this question

[Acnsimpkin]

I was diagnosed in February 2023. One month into medicine and about 300 hours into research due to hyperfocus. All stages of grief for me. Sometimes I'm angry Noone helped me sooner. Happy due to answers to my story. Support from my family, grief due to immense sadness. Calm and stillness because of the meds. But I just let it all be here as I am new baby in this new world. I am so glad you are all here sharing your experiences and strength and struggles to see I'm not alone. Thank You all.

[STEM_Dad]

Welcome to the forums!

Yeah, I went through a lot of those kids of feelings, too. Only got diagnosed at 45, back in 2020.

[Gettingittogether]

Yep, a ton of grief and sadness, I remember that after diagnosis. Suddenly projects that others could complete and that I couldn't (or could only complete in 5x the time) made sense to me.

Projects completed by people who were no brighter than I was. I'm amazed I went so long without seeing how CLEARLY being organized is an advantage. In almost everything being organized is an advantage.

[Ara7]

I just received my diagnosis a few weeks ago, ADHD- combined with depression and anxiety, I'm 47. I was hoping for the diagnosis so I could get medication and all my struggles would be over with a pill. Then I could finish my degree that I have been unable to complete for years. I was almost worried I wouldn't get diagnosed when I was waiting for the results. Then when I did get my diagnosis, PLOT TWIST, I couldn't get out of bed for days! I felt so lost, mad, and broken.

Now that I have a bit more control of my emotions and have had a chance to read on ALL the symptoms I've suffered my entire life I don't know if I am relived that I have a diagnosis, mad that it took me so long to get this figured out, sad because I feel defective and broken.... so many emotions. I thought the only thing that being ADHD meant was that I couldn't sit still and couldn't focus. So many other struggles I have had in my life are symptoms of ADHD!

With my diagnosis I was advised to look at CHADD.org, buy a couple books for executive function, get a ADHD coach, and call my doctor for medication.

I have an appointment with a doctor for medication in another week. I found this forum from CHADD and I bought the couple of books recommended during my diagnosis about EF (one turned out to be for children- ADHD not paying attention to detail) and the other book is a workbook for EF, I have no idea what EF means for ME!

The coaching is around $4000 for 3 months, I can't afford that!

[El-Eektrified in reply to Ara7]

On books, there is just one, that I would suggest… this is “Adult ADHD” written by Russel Barkley.

I’ve read plenty, but this book basically has it all.. most books I’ve read don’t come near the quality Russel Barkley offers. Not to forget, most other books actually refer to his researches or books.

Listen to podcasts, by chadd or ADDitude, my favorites are the ones with Russel Barkley, William Dodson, Thomas E. Brown and Walt Karniski.

Meds can be beneficial, CBT, reading, coaching… but the latter is something you can teach yourself… In the end it’s all about acceptance…

[STEM_Dad in reply to Ara7]

It sounds like you're in the grieving process. This new discovery of your diagnosis gives you a new lens to see your past and present life by. Yeah, I've been there. Having those thoughts of, "if only I'd known sooner," or "why didn't someone catch this," or "my life could have been so different, so much 'better'."

You can't change the past, but you can begin to make changes in the present.

I had to learn that I was grieving missed opportunity, grieving the life that I did not live because of the life that I did.

(Shortly after my ADHD diagnosis, I found out that my wife had fallen in love with someone else, which led to the end of our marriage. So, just to survive that emotional avalanche, I learned a lot about processing grief. It's taken almost two years, counseling, CBT & mindfulness training, and even a mild antidepressant.)

I now try to see my past like a biography or a history textbook, for the lessons I can learn from it, to make my future and my kids' future better.

Be patient with yourself. I hope that you get through to the other side, to have acceptance of your past. I'm hoping that your doctor helps you find a medication that works well for you. (For me, it took about 6 months to find the best one for me.)

Good luck with school. I'm hoping to return to school eventually, to finish my degree. But first, I'm focusing on building a new life.

[LifeAfterDiagnosis]

That's exactly what diagnoses do to me, too. It's like my whole life flashes before my eyes. I grieve and celebrate simultaneously. Such a journey!

[NYCmom2]

Super normal to go through the grief stages after diagnoses. What helped me through it a little quicker was contemplating how we can only live and improve the present moment. And make some thoughtful choices for future self.

After getting the right medication (which I call shape wear for my brain) I set one goal that eluded me previously and attempted to master it. It helped my self esteem immensely and allowed me to see the new possibilities of my properly medicated brain.

For anger or frustration towards family or previous therapists/psychiatrists that didn’t support you or properly diagnose you. That takes time but the short cut is they didn’t know better. Many in the health field are only in the last few years beginning to open their eyes about ADHD. As for family, many of them are likely struggling through life with undiagnosed ADHD. It’s about 50% chance of passing ADHD on to offspring.

It takes time to process and integrate all of this new information. Be patient with yourself! Keep us posted on your journey!