Everyone has banter and a good old rant about work with colleagues, right? I've started working across different sites in the last 6 months so I only see my colleagues one a week. In this day and age we (naturally) use email, social media (including non-work chat groups) and online meetings to communicate.As I don't have a frequent outlet, I've noticed that I'm using and saying a lot of things impulsively though these different forms of communication. I wouldn't normally "hold back" saying these things, but I thought this natural. I think I might be getting a reputation for being outspoken.
I'm awaiting an ADHD-diagnosis and I'm still sceptical. I hadn't considered my often unrestrained comments impulsive behaviour. Is this something anyone can relate to?
I was given a warning (unofficially) for sending an email about lack of support and "bureaucratic nonsense" and an online meeting where I interrupted an online meeting to disagree with managerial decision didn't go down well. I was polite about it.
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daverussell
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Impulsivity is definitely an ADHD trait, and there can be quite a difference between the familiar team you can speak relatively freely with, vs other groups you have to be more diplomatic with.
I have predominantly Inattentive ADHD (not much impulsivity), and I tend to be naturally "diplomatic" and mind my words, but even I have been called out for things I've said at work. Usually when frustrated beyond my tolerance level, which is considerable for "bureaucratic nonsense" and other forms of ...er, "nonsense" (trying to keep my verbiage appropriate for the forum 😅).
While we people with ADHD might crave novelty, changes in routine and environment can be stressful. Stress can result in more reactive behavior than normal (i.e. higher impulsivity). At least, that's my understanding. (I am just a layman, but I've read up a lot on ADHD in the last few years.)
For me, the lines are often blurry between honesty, assertiveness, being outspoken. And even more so, it’s a very fine line that I have to walk. Depending on the person, subject and setting, usually I have no problem telling someone the truth (as I see it). Usually this is to someone who’s full of themselves, esp if they’re giving their opinion without being asked. Or a supervisor who doesn’t know what they’re talking about. And, of course, I’m the one who's usually (always) according to them, wrong. But especially with a boss, I usually keep quiet
Some people have the gift of saying the right thing, while saying it just the right way-which I don’t have. I’ve witnessed people getting out of speeding tickets, getting the boss to agree with them. Me, after the conversation is over and I have time to think about it, THEN, I’ll figure out how I should have phrased it.
I do have some restraint. With an email as opposed to a face-to-face/live meeting is that I will review and put my point across more diplomatically. Likewise I'm more diplomatic on meeting - it just feels more personal. I do use a different language across setting e.g. Work chat vs Social Media. I think I need to think more about the platform I use. We have an online meeting later, that I know I'm going to have an opinion about. That will be my test.
With ADHD, we often have an underdeveloped ability to read and respond to social cues. This includes the unwritten rules for when a particular type of comment is acceptable or not. Once you build trust with a friend you can say things and not have them react badly, that if you said when first meeting them would seem intrusive or rude. Context, situations - those are subtleties that are more challenging for us.
I originally found the "Send" button a good delay tactic, but over time I feel Im bottling up unfinished business. I'm no longer just venting to one person in the office. Im more than happy to move on once I've said what I need to say.
It is pretty common for people with ADHD to not fit in with the peers at school and be less capable of social interactions. Certainly autism causes issues, but I think you may find that people with ADHD also don't read social cues as well. At least that has been my experience and I have heard this from a number of people who have ADHD but not an Autism comorbidity.
Some things like rejection sensitivity are not part of the DSM-5 or DIVA-5 criteria for diagnosis yet they are very common experiences for most who have ADHD.
1- no, but there is something else/ adhd specialist
2- yes, mild impulsive type/ neuropsychologist
3- we will never know / psychiatrist
4- no, but you might have anxiety/ group of neuropsychologists
5- there is nothing wrong with you, you are hypersensitive.
I recognize me in you, and I spotted 93 things mild autistic people do that I also do, and that can look like impulsivity related to adhd. They often go hand in hand.
After all those tests, you must think I am crazy. I would never recommend to be tested to anyone, cause I don't trust anyone anymore. Do not go see someone who is specialized in adhd, please go see someone who is ALSO specialized in autism.
I struggle a lot with impulsivity at work, especially since working remotely. I feel that not seeing people for real makes me blurt out things that I regret, and I also think that collaboration overall across our company is poor, resulting in a lot of nonsense and politics, which I have very little patience for. Was not diagnosed officially yet, but I have struggled with impulsive decisions and a lack of organisation for years. Good luck with your work, I personally find the corporate world increasingly harder to navigate.
It's those implementing them. I've found them have somewhat helpful on the one hand and a stress on the other.
We're currently undergoing inspection so being asked to do this, that and the other. I understand it's never going to be perfect, but there seems little interest in making it easy or just more efficient. Moreover there is a lack of trust which adds to additional expectations, pressure the lack of confidence.
It's funny because I feel like having ADHD makes me actually quite good at simplifying processes (my theory is I've had to find shortcuts to overcome other challenges). So when I see something that doesn't makes sense it actually frustrates me massively. ADHD also makes me too invested in my job emotionally and from a time perspective, which can make my emotional reactions more impulsive. Trying to learn how to set boundaries.
Man, I can relate. I was raised by my mother and older sister, who were both insanely outspoken, no holds barred comedians and the centers of their social communities. Both of them were absolutely riddled with ADHD. I know my father had it too, though he passed away before I grew up, I can tell, just from the stories about his hyperfocus on making art that he was probably an ADHDer too. So I grew up in a background where ADHD chattiness and trouble with boundaries and lack of filter was the norm, not the exception. I'm the shy, retiring member of my family and I'm still a talkaholic. Having ADHD and being raised by people who had ADHD imbued me with great social skills, but also, regrettably zero filter. I have said things at work that would definitely be cause for reprimand, or at least the constant side-eye of my coworkers, had I not been likable and able to reign it in 95% of the time. Having ADHD and having to be professional or do small talk all day can only be sustainable for so long before we snap and say something off the wall. I get you 100%
It’s tough. I definitely had a moment of frustration with my boss once that I later regretted. However, it was during a very difficult period at our workplace when multiple colleagues told him they were frustrated also. I was not proud of myself, though. It was fascinating—-I then rolled over, said nothing, and he completely left me alone. It was a very toxic environment and I found it hard to see stuff and say nothing eventually.
Funny you should reply. Things at work have come to head in the last few weeks. Everyone is feeling the pressure - which is usual in education this time of year (at least in the UK). Most would agree with me. I felt it needed saying.So I responded to a decision, and included a few colleague. I knew it would get a por reaction. My colleague in question spoke directly to me after she'd read the comment. I expressed that the conversation would go know here, but when my colleague wouldn't leave it I went into defensive mode.
I had a meeting today with another manager and had been worried it might not go well. I wasn't going to back down. For reasons relating to my own bealth. my own health so not wanting to take on extra work. Anyway I put my diplomatic outspoken hat on. I apologised in advance and said I was aware their maybe some conflict of interest. The outcome was really really good and she agreed with me. She said she respected my openness and honestly.
Another colleague (team lead) earlier that day said, "it's not in your make up to 'not say the right thing to suit the powers that be... that's an admirable quality btw"
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