How do you deal with... feeling like you never have time for anything?

[MTA-]

Time blindness is a common symptom of ADHD... It describes the way that when you're hyperfocussing (or dissaccioating) you don't notice the passage of time. You're focussing on your project, or whatever, and all of a sudden, you realise that the day has disappeared, and you haven't done anything else, even eating, all day.

But I get this so chronically that the term "time blindness" feels like an understatement. I have all these hobbies and projects that I never do, because I don't feel like I have the time. I feel like days pass before I get to any of the things that I enjoy. Which is crazy, because I work normal hours, and I don't have kids..., I probably have more free time than a lot of people. I just don't feel it.

Here's an example... About a year ago, I took up jogging. As a beginner, I mapped out a 2km route. That's quite a short distance for jogging, and I could run it in about ten minutes. Add on getting my gear together, and showering afterwards, the whole activity, took at most half an hour. There is no way that I could say I didn't have time for this.

But say I started jogging at 2pm... It's the weekend, so I want to get in more than one fun activity... so I do some gardening beforehand... If I don't put some buffer time inbetween the two, then it feels like work, not a hobby. So If I start gardening at 12.30 (I can't do it before that, because lunch), then I have an hour in the garden, which isn't long. Of course, I could get out there before lunch, but tasks expand to fill the time alloted to them, I'd end up not eating lunch, I'd still be in the garden at 2, then run inside to go jogging. Being rushed stresses me out, which completely defeats the purpose of these hobbies.

But if I only do the jogging, then a half-hour activity takes all day. Then, let's not forget housework. Gotta find time to do that, and that's not something I can skip.

I never see friends, because of this. And It's been so long, that I don't really have friends. It sounds silly and neurotic, but it seriously effects me. I just feel like if I lived a fulfilling life, I'd be a nervous wreck from stress, living in a dirty house, always late for work, always sick from never eating or drinking.

It's one of those things where the answer seems obvious (the last CBT practitioner I saw just kept asking why I couldn't go jogging before breakfast, or after dinner), but my ADHD puts that obvious answer just out of reach. If anyone relates, can anyone suggest any strategies? I am really in the place for practical advice.

[The1Path]

I’m going to be frank, so prepare yourself. 1. Use a timer! My hyper focus is also so strong. So I use my phone & my Alexa to set a block of time to do one activity, before the switch to another. 2. Get organized. Make a list on your phone’s note pad app or on a literal pad of paper of activities you want to do that week or that weeekend, If you are lucky, or very driven, you might actually accomplish half. Which is still very good!! 3. Stop with the self pity & start prioritizing those activities! We all know exercise is a key factor in a good quality of life. So make it the first thing you do, after breakfast, teeth brushing & getting dressed.

Realize that NO ONE has enough time to do everything. Accept that to change your life for the better, you will need to take baby steps - remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

But each day that you do work on your priorities, that you take a step on those priorities, you ARE creating a better life for yourself.

[wtfadhd]

MTA- as a social worker, i can say this, “ why do you xyz….” is the stupidest f’in question to ask someone. cuz, duh, if you knew, you wouldnt be sitting in a counselors office, paying money, asking for help. grrrrr. sorry u had to go thru that😢

are the things u r avoiding doing ( jogging, etc) truly hobbies n goals that are interesting to you? bc us ADHD’ers hyperfocus on the stuff we truly are interested in. thats the good news and the bad news

we have interest based brain wiring vs organizing task by degree of importance which non adhd folks do automatically without anguish.

if we arent truly passionate about something, rather that be our job, our beloved sport, a clean house, fast cars, or whatever… we wont happily stick with it. unless of course, we feel Sooo much pressure from family, ourselves, society- and then maybe we do the task n end up wondering why we have anxiety n depression🤦🏽‍♀️

Trying to learn “ adhd life hacks” to force ourselves to like n follow thru with a task that we dont truly think is interesting will be stressful and in the long run it just wont last ( unless by chance we end up getting obsessed with it…. lol).

we cant rewire our adhd brains by learning how to faking being neurotypical.

if u wanna exercise- n if u happen to find exercising important- u will naturally explore different types of exercise and find something ya like.

my advice- the more u beat yourself up n try to force yourself to just pick something n stick with it- the less likely you will ever do it. and ever be happy

[MTA- in reply to wtfadhd]

Yes! That's the crazy part, these are real hobbies and interests. When I get to them, I can get a real hyperfocus on.

You're right, we can't force ourselves to do things that we don't want to do. Unfortunately, it's a bit more complicated than either wanting or not wanting to do something. It's a bit like if you had a party to go to, but you couldn't make yourself go, because you didn't want to deal with traffic Hating traffic is not the same thing as hating parties, but the result (avoidance) could be very much the same. It's not the thing itself that I find myself avoiding.

For me, the traffic is this time issue. That's why I am asking specifically about this feeling of never having time, or not being able to percieve time the way neurotypical people do.

Because that is my impediment. After 37 years of undiagnosed ADHD, I guess I am a bit paranoid about time. Like genuinely always rushing for things that I am late for. Living with that trauma, I do feel a strong urge to avoid that stress.

[Wasted71years]

The time blindness extends to connecting future rewards with boring tasks today.

We know intellectually that we want to jog to be healthy. Neurotypical people would anticipate the increased health and good feelings, which fuels the interest in dressing and jogging now. ADHD brains don't anticipate other than intellectually. We KNOW we should do something, but we don't have any emotional pull to get started now on something that will not pay off now, only later. There is no later with ADHD.

[MTA- in reply to Wasted71years]

You've hit the nail on the head.

The crazy thing, though, is that we're not talking about the far off benefits of jogging, like increased health; we're talking about the almost immediate benefits of jogging, like the fact that I just plain enjoyed it. And we're not talking about lacking the motivation, it's more like I can't handle the stress of alloting time to it.

There is no later, even when that later is five minutes away... In five minutes I could be doing something that makes my life fulfilling. But for now, all I can think of is the stress of watching the seconds tick by, and feeling like I have more time if I don't fill it with anything.

[LifeAfterDiagnosis]

Is dissociation an ADHD symptom? How do you experience it?

[MTA- in reply to LifeAfterDiagnosis]

It's a symptom of neurodivergence. But I was using the term colloquially, rather than formally. So I don't think I am really talking about something that is clinically diagnosable.

I guess it's the equal-opposite to hyperfocus. When I am tired, and I can't focus on anything, let alone hyperfocus, I find myself staring blankly at what I am meant to be doing, rather than doing it.

I guess you could also say that when I am hyperfocusing, I am dissociated from everything else.

[pasoapaso1984]

Hey there! I can understand this SO well (like everyone else in here, I suppose haha) I started medical treatment for ADHD last January and I thrived for 3 months approximately, until one day I became pregnant an I chose to drop all medications. It has been very hard and I saw how much the meds helped me, but some habits did stick with me, the hormonal changes have been my biggest challenges, everything had been a mess, I saw my ADHD symptoms exploding in my face. Recently I found a self care app that helped me with strategies to time manage, setting goals for tomorrow every night and offered meditation, I also implemented the pomodoro method in my life, specially at work! I work in an office, so the struggle is real with so many deadlines, and mix that with keeping up with all the medical appointments...! But it has helped me a lot and I feel better about myself because I appreciate even the little accomplishments (even if my accomplishment is ONLY not forgetting one thing) So yeah, I hghly recommend you find the best strategy for your schedule and the high priority tasks.

[lovelylavish in reply to pasoapaso1984]

hi pasoapaso1984, would you mind sharing what app you found/use?