Coaching or CBT?

[arepa]

Hi everyone, I wanted to hear if you have had any good experiences getting a coach or going for a CBT therapist.

I'm on meds and do psychotherapy but I need help to work more consistently on a specific research project that I don't have much time to complete. My medication helps a bit for some tasks, but overall I'm still unproductive and have little sense of the passage of time. There's also a lot of anxiety in avoidance, as you all might know, so this is not just a lack of calendars and organisation skills.

I tried someone recently who was not specialised in ADHD and didn't like the approach tbh. I tend to find it quite impossible to follow instructions if I don't find them meaningful or doable, so I'm looking for someone who can support me in creating new habits myself instead of imposing a specific structure, but I don't know if I should be looking for a coach or CBT in this case.

Let me know your thoughts and experiences. Many thanks

[Redpanda5]

Thinking outside the box here since you didn’t like the method of the coach you had and they do seem to follow their own agenda.

Perhaps just look for a part time assistant? My college son said the same things as you after a disastrous year of college. He didn’t want therapy and he didn’t want a coach telling him what to do (felt like it would be even more work). He knew specifically what he needed and just needed someone to manage it.

It turned into me being me his assistant. He struggled greatly with meeting deadlines and with avoidance anxiety. He asked me to text him daily at a specific time to check how he’s doing (accountability) and also asked me to text him a screenshot of everything he has to do so that he doesn’t avoid looking at his calendar (anxiety avoidance). This routine forces him to be accountable and eliminates the dread of the unknown.

If you want greater support than that then you’ll probably want a coach but if you know exactly what would help you then just hire someone to do those things for you. It might be cheaper too.

[arepa in reply to Redpanda5]

Thank you, that's a good idea. My partner has actually offered to be this accountability person but the funny thing is that he has ADHD himself (and unmedicated) so it didn't last a day haha we might give it another try or I can ask someone else

[Redpanda5 in reply to arepa]

Haha! The heart is in the right place! Yes though, probably a different person is the best choice. Whoever you choose - do thoughtful things for them along the way —- buy them a coffee or dinner certificate if they won’t accept compensation.

[Charumbe]

Personally I think you should do both, therapy first if you can't do both at the same time. I did coaching before getting medication (I know this is not your situation). I would not recommend coaching on its it's own, because though I did see improvements I found the skills discussed to remain hard to follow through on regularly without the rigour of specialized therapy.

I think medication, a CBT therapist that specifically specializes in ADHD, and coaching should all be used in combination until a person feels stabilized, and then reintroduced as needed in the future (we all change and forget things and fall out of good loops sometimes).

Also, try the Focus Mate website. I am a happy if infrequent user. It is great for making sure you focus on important long term projects via the ability to precommit to a sequence of sessions, as well as short term need to get this done right now stuff. If you use it, read their tips and FAQ to maximize the social and precommitment aspects. It really has worked for me. Just... Have to remember to use it lol

Edit: fixed my many typos

[arepa in reply to Charumbe]

Oh thanks so much for the FocusMate suggestion. I was just thinking these days that it would be so nice if something like this existed!

It was very useful to know about your coaching experience... In my case, I tried a CBT therapist (a bit unexperienced) and was given a list of things I should do every day (such as doing some breathing exercises at least 3x a day for at least 10 minutes) which would be fab if only I didn't have ADHD! The sessions ended up being a moment of the week where I felt extra guilty and anxious, and needing to explain myself a lot instead of working on my needs.

I think I wanted someone with a more specific method for ADHD who could support me in creating new and meaningful habits bit by bit. At the same time, I do have little time to complete this project of mine, so that's why I thought of coaching (but I know there's a chance it can feel a bit like my initial experience).

I think I will give CBT another try with someone specialised in ADHD and perhaps ask the therapist to help me keep on track with this project ... It would probably be too confusing and expensive for me to do psychotherapy (which I don't intend to stop) + CBT + coaching

[Charumbe in reply to arepa]

I think you have a good plan! Let us know how it goes and don't be afraid to try different things until something works!

[unclaimedjule]

good question! Similar circumstance. I’m leaning toward a coach. They know adhd , less expensive, easy online access.

Have you made any progress?