So I have been having confidence issues as of late in regards of just transferring to a 4 year university as a junior and going towards a career path into doing research in Entomology or Herpetology. I recently had to drop a class because I had a professor that did not care about her students and in the past had many complaints from students due to her uncaring and rude interactions with them in office hours and in lecture. I talked to my academic advisor about it and he knew already knew why I wanted to drop because many other students that had her wanted to drop as well. He agreed with me and he said yeah that I should drop because it's not worth being in this class if you are thinking that your failing and that the professor has a history of poor teaching. So I was able to drop and while my boyfriend's mom was driving me home I told her my situation. I already told her this before and that I was going to hold out until to see whether i'm doing good or not. This quarter they extended the drop without a W a couple of days ago due to the rise of cases of covid before winter started and I was able to submit a form to drop on time. Anyways back to me telling her that I dropped. She means well but she asked how I am doing on my other classes and I said I was doing ok and it seemed that I put too much on my plate this quarter because I did not do well on my first two midterms as well as the first midterm in that class that I dropped. I was taking really hard classes that included bio genetics, organic chemistry and the second part of the series of physics class physics 2B. I can't remember the details but at some point she said that maybe that i'm not interested in those classes and that's why i'm failing and should seek the classes i'm interested and maybe seek a new career that i'm interested in. I mean that is good advice don't get me wrong but I already done that once already in community college by changing my major from math and science to biology because I was more interested in a range of subjects like animals, plants, and how do cells function. Idk I guess I felt crushed by hearing that because I felt that if I change my major and career path again then all my time in community college feels like a waste. First time I entered community college I wanted to be a nurse but then I knew I felt it wasn't for me because when I interned at a hospital lets just say I did not have a good experience there and I felt that doing that kind of job feels boring to me just sitting in the back and just calling names and taking vitals. Also dealing with rude patients that treat you like your a servant also gave me the impression that this was not for me because I can't handle the stress and there was this one time I cried and a nice older lady that worked their had to calm me down because I was almost going into a meltdown. I was embbaraced afterwards because why would they hire someone like me that can't handle rude patients? So I moved on to maybe getting to be a veteranarian but then changed my mind again because again what if I deal with rude people and the fact it's very competitive to become a vet and you have to get really good grades in order to get into a vet school. So I decided to maybe become a researcher in either bugs or reptiles because I think learning about these animals would be a satisfying job for me. I like working with other people and I like working in a lab and observing and collecting data so I thought that would be a perfect fit. I try to not let what she said bother me but its kind of eating away at me lately. I'm now second guessing my choices and I'm starting to feel that maybe I don't belong in those classes or belong in a job that does reasearch. I just... don't know what to do. I'm frustrated and feel like i'm going no where and no matter how hard I work I always fail at the end and I end up wasting time and thinking that this is a waste of time. Should I go with her advice? I did really well in art classes and got an associates degree in art so maybe I can go into graphics design if things don't work out? Also at the same time I don't feel like opening up to talking to her anymore because she also said that I just need to focus if I do want to go into researching. That made me even more frustrated because I spend almost all of my time focusing on school even to the point that I forget to eat. I feel like its like saying to someone with OCD (my boyfriend has OCD) and telling them just don't wash your hands and stop worrying that your going to die or not.
Anyways TLDR; I'm frustrated because i'm trying to explain to my boyfriends mom what I'm going through with having ADHD and she just gives me an automatic response that I just need to work harder or change career paths so I guess nevermind on being vulnerable to her and talking my feelings out. And now i'm starting to believe that i'm not good enough for getting into this career path of researching. Idk should I keep going or just throw in the towel and just go for the type of classes i'm good at like art or writing and get a career path that revolves around those two? I'm on my second quarter at the college that I go to so I don't think it's too late to change majors again especially on a clean slate that I have now being a transfer. I feel alone with my thoughts and it would be nice to talk to someone who might be in a similar situation as I am.
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Littleblue865
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Littleblue,it can be difficult when you have adhd cos lots out there don't understand,including GPS.have you seen a specialist who will have an idea what you're going through and will hopefully get you on meds so that you're able to concentrate better on your studies.Please eat normally cos youre gonna be mentally and physically weaker if you don't.Maybe try to study in shorter blocks so you can be sharper for shorter studying periods.Also,do what you really want to do.That way,you will study easier cos the subject is of interest to you.Try not to burn out mentally,give yourself breaks and try to switch off in between.Its very important to be able to unburden yourself with non judgemental people.look on the Internet where you will hopefully pick up some tips on how to manage your symptoms better,eg YouTube.Remember you're not alone ok
I am on meds at the moment and i'm at 15 mg now so maybe I can speak with my nurse practitioner to up my dose next time I meet with her. Also I'm considering maybe getting regular therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy as well to maybe some how cope with stress and be able to deal with negativity whether it's intentional or not. I do want to do research and I know I can do it and looking back at my post I think I may have overestimated myself in taking all of these hard classes. I'm thinking of maybe talking to my academic advisor to see if I can take at least one easy elective class each quarter between my hard classes and maybe any elective classes that would help complete my requirements for my bachelors. I know it'll probably delay on getting a bachelor's degree sooner but I think it will be for the best because i'll have an easier time studying without overwhelming myself. Thank you for the advice and its nice to hear that i'm not alone every once in a while because I do forget that it's ok to be human.
Those sound like very hard courses, and if you have to change direction it doesn't make you a bad person. Also, I find that taking a bath with a good book helps me relax and sometimes laugh out loud. It also gives me somewhere to go, the library which I love and miss being able to sit and relax. Still worried about covid and I don't want to get it again. It's great that we can help each other.
It’s okay. If anyone understands, those of us on here do. Sometimes you just want to help people understand what’s going on in your life or I. Your head.
You will have to deal with rude and unthoughtful customers, patients, etc no matter what you do. You may also have to deal with rude and unthoughtful bosses. Unfortunately, everyone has to deal with people like this and worse. It is part of life. Do you have a guidance counselor you can talk to ?
Do not worry about your boyfriend's mother not understanding. Trying to explain things to her probably will not help her understand. It sounds like she has never been close to a young person with ADHD.
I just quickly want to add….talking it out here is a great idea. You can get some ideas from people who are not emotionally involved. Mother of boyfriend has good intentions but is not objective. She’s trying to be helpful - but has emotional investment. Good idea to talk it out here and let people give objective opinions.
At my age, I’d also say, I wish as a young woman I had taken a solid career with a lab or a hospital or large entity who would be able to support my further education. I don’t think the Arts lends itself to deep pockets for career development aid. So perhaps you could get that research position and then pursue the Arts on the side afterwards, which may be more of a pleasant goal??? Just a thought. Best Wishes for your future success. Hugs.
I'm not quite we're you are but I'm about to start college. I can be here as a friend if you need someone to talk to prayers for you
I think you are very wise for sharing your thoughts here...in a supportive environment. I also think it is a very good idea to try to find a therapist you can connect with and who specializes in treating people with ADHD. As a 46 year-old with ADHD, I did not learn of my diagnosis until I was 41 and finishing up my Master of Social Work degree. I started taking Adderall and it has been life changing, especially as it relates to reading. I take 15mg rapid release around 7:30am and then again around noon and it really helps me at work. Just an fyi...it may be that you need more than one dose per day--I would speak to your doctor for sure about that.
Also, I know that society expects people to go to college and have a degree/career path chosen right out of high school, but I think that is so challenging for the majority of people. I didn't go to college right out of high school because I had no idea what I wanted to do. I ended up going back part-time at 30 years old and chipping away at my 3 degrees 2 classes at a time. It took me 11 years to get an Associates of Arts, a Bachelor of Sciences in Human Development and Family Sciences, and a Master of Social Work. It was a ton of hard work and not done in the conventional straight out of high school way, but I wouldn't trade the effort or the timing of my completion looking back.
And truth be told, I had no idea what I wanted to do for a career after I completed the Bachelor's degree. I knew I wanted to get a higher degree, but wasn't sure in what. I started taking personality tests, career tests that show you what type of jobs fit with a person's strengths/interests, and also looking at job postings online to read descriptions of jobs that interested me to see if I could visualize myself actually doing the job. I found all of these tactics VERY HELPFUL! I would caution to only use reputable tests...btw. This research I did, led me to realize that social work is EXACTLY what I am meant to do. BUT...again...it wasn't until I was about 38 years old that I figured that out.
I know the pressure is great for you to know what you want to do now, but please know that even if you do take a bunch of classes and switch your major (I did that too), you will always have the benefit of learning at least a little something something from each class you take. And you never know how that info...no matter how small or great...may be useful to you or someone else one day.
Lastly, I think your idea of mixing up your classes and taking some easier ones along with the harder ones is VERY WISE!! Hang in there! You've got this! And remember...us ADHD-ers can be VERY HARD on ourselves and very sensitive to any perceived criticism. If you haven't already checked it out, I highly recommend ADDitude Magazine (additudemag.com/). Super helpful to learn more of the intricacies of ADHD, like RSD: rejection sensitive dysphoria. It's a thing! Good to be mindful of RSD and learn how to best cope if you find yourself struggling...something a good therapists can help with additudemag.com/rejection-s...
I wish you the best! And you are absolutely not alone! Keep reaching out
That is just one person's opinion. Yes, you have to consider what you can actually do, and things that you are not appropriate for, you have to decide that, I have gone through many changes, in and out of school. Even if you have to change what your doing, your education thus far is not a loss. It is part of you, and I think you should try to think of it that way. Even if you ultimately decide she may be right. A graphic artist sounds like a great job as well.
Forgetting to eat is not good for any one, but I believe people like us need to be me more aware of it. I forget to eat sometimes, and it can make me real shaky. Also, not drinking enough water or getting enough sleep. Unfortunately, I have trouble following. that advice. When I go to sleep, it is hard to sleep with no noise because I live right across from the elevator and it doesn't stop at night. For studying, I try to break down each paragraph and write a few bullet points to remember and I just write it over and over and it helps me to to retain some of it. Also, someone said to work in short parts and I think that is a good idea. Maybe set your phone timer? Or if you have Alexa, or something like that to help you in your study bursts.
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