I think i have really severe adhd and autism

[asalem]

The disorders I know i have goes by the following: adhd/autism and trichotillomania (plucking out my hair), and a minor speech impediment with a stutter. I used to see a specialist for my speech impediment but I was younger but I was never told I am special needs. I think my parents hid it from me but I am not sure. I do remember on one occasion in middle school, I was sitting in someone's chair.

We had assigned seats and I was licking all over the top of the chair. When the teacher realized I was sitting in someone's chair, the guy who was assigned to it refused to sit in it since I licked all over it. They had to call the principal and she told the class I am special needs. I didn't think much about me being special needs until later on in my life. Could the people around know I was special needs without myself realizing they knew? I am 30 years old and I have no support. Even when I talk in the mirror, I can see my lips moving faster and I can see the disability in me.

My life has been screwed up because of my disability and I have no support. I made a appointment with Cerebral and the lady told me she could instantly see the adhd in me. She prescribed me ritalin 10 mg but I am afraid to take it. It's been a week since I got the bottle and I have yet to take one since I am too indecisive. One part me tells me this will change my life for the better. The other part of tells me it will give me a heart attack and I will end up in the hospital. I constantly live in fear so I have no idea what to do.

I've had over 20 jobs in the 10 years of my life. I can't stick to one job enough before my brain gives up and I end up depressed because I have no motivation anymore. I can't stand the thought of staying in once place for too long. I am so energetic that I constantly moving, walking, running, and just fidgeting. I am 30 years old and I am not growing out of it. What ever happened to that idea?

Even when I watch videos about people with adhd and autism talk, I am shocked to see that they appear to be way more functional than I am. I can't open my mouth without giving off my disability. My question is: How in the world have I never been told I am special needs? I have had some people treat me like one a few time but I was never officially told. Is it possible because my parents are from the middle east that they don't believe in adhd? I live in the US btw

[asalem]

I am tired by being treated like I am normal and can function on my own when I can't. I won't go into the details about how it's messed up but I just live like this anymore without any support. I can't even see a specialist anymore. This is absurd!