Also positive aspects, not only problems to be corrected with medicines

[Mikk1]

Hi. I am reading these posts and I see many very well balanced considerations about many matters. I think this can be a great help for who has practical difficulties in life or at work.

Anyway I’d like to speak also about the way to see life when symptoms are not heavy, because controlled through medicines and therapy, or simply because the condition is not as heavy as in other persons.

It seems all about: you have heavy problems, medicines will help you.

Ok, right maybe.

But … it’s not only this. When you have solved the practical problems, it remains also the way in which you relate to other persons. I mean that once the practical problems are under control there are also feelings, opinions, way of living, different view of things and so on. About these minor aspects we could feel different respect what considered normal, but it doesn’t mean we are wrong.

It’s not just doing things in the right or wrong way, but a different way maybe.

I would like to speak also about this and not only about medicines that solve what we are not able to do in the right way.

For example, very often I feel myself very different respect other persons. It’s not that I cannot understand the importance of practical behaviour and conform to what considered normal by society, that allows to live among other persons, but sometimes I feel that persons around me cannot go further that.

They all seem to need practical solutions to imminent problems, standard behaviours accepted by everybody, but they do not see further that. For example they seem to have difficulties in recognizing or speaking about feelings. Or, from a practical point of view, persons around me usually seem to have no interest in what the solution of imminent problems could produce wrongly on the long term.

Anyway, what I’d like to say here is that, ok, medicines and therapy help in solve major practical problems, but are we sure we would like to become more normal in everything?

Or we would just need to feel ourself more supported by persons similar to us in sensibility and view of life? Are we sure we are completely wrong?

Ok, it’s a deficit, it means that anything in our body and our mind doesn’t work properly respect the average human race. But this gives also a different sensibility that goes further the practical aspects of life. We are lucky in this, because we have no longer to hunt to eat, or defend ourselves from fierce wild animals, so our peculiar traits are less weak than in the past and maybe could be accepted, by us for first, because they give us also positive characteristics. This is not only consolation. Don’t you agree?

[Gettingittogether]

The meds aren't trying to make us "normal." The meds are to help our brains function in a way that allows us to thrive.

I don't quite follow you (I almost do), but what I'll say is EVERYTHING in life is practical. You want to connect with people who have a distinct "non-normal" sensibility? OK, great. So when are you going to meet them and how? And what if no one can get there on time? You still have to be able to make decisions, act on decisions, sort out priorities, take care of your health, find food, find healthy food, remember details of people's lives in order to connect with them and build the bond and on and on ...

Maybe I can address your concern by saying this: look, if someone wants to do the minimum of treatment that allows them to stay alive and function, then go for it.

Just keep in mind: rockstars have to be to places on time, have to pay bills, have to hire managers, need to figure out how to prevent the managers from stealing money (if the rockstars are going to do the hands-off move) ... Rockstars get sick and need to take care of their health and get reasonable sleep and on and on ...

Skipping over these matters only shortens your life. So yes, it sucks to have to some of the "practical" stuff of life, but it doesn't kill you. And after a while, some of that practical stuff can become enjoyable or neutral.

You've heard those jokes about procrastinators, about the association of procrastinators ... they were planning to schedule a meeting ... but ... they keep delaying ... that's humor for sure, but there is truth in that getting together socially with others requires planning and follow through and lots of practical habits and others ... even if you want to rebel against all the practical stuff? ... How do you find these other people btw? You gotta look for them? What's the process of looking for the rebel-against-normality people? You're back to the importance of taking concrete consistent action.

I'm not sure we can escape that--that's a part of being human. I'll end by saying, I agree with you that hey, maybe you want to learn the more "normal" and "practical" stuff in order to live a more creative and free-flowing life. That's fine ... I'm just saying that that free-lowing life wil run into rigid-non-moving life if bills aren't paid on time, if credit cards and wallets are consistently lost and misplaced ... or overdrawn ... if cars break down because of no regular maintenance and oil changes and the like ...

But say more. I'm not sure I am addressing your question.

[Mikk1 in reply to Gettingittogether]

Maybe there is some misunderstanting. I tried to clarify at the beginning of my post but maybe I was not clear enough. Obviously at the basis of all there is the capacity to maintain a job and survive. And hopefully not only at a minimum level.

[Gettingittogether in reply to Mikk1]

So I'm missing your point. To speak personally, I don't want to conform or conforming's sake. I comply with a bunch of deadlines and requirements just because I have learned that not doing so is a bigger headache.

I'm not trying to become a robot. I am an extremely feeling, emotional, intuitive person. And I don't hide my ADHD. I really don't. I tell people up front I'm not good with details. I laugh when I see people organizing tasks that would drive me nuts.

But I claim my own space as an individual. I can be more creative when I'm not worried about paying bills and missing payments and losing wallets and keys and showing up late for appointments and procrastinating things and stressing myself to the max at the absolute last minute ... I do all of that stuff FOR ME! ... To make my life easier.

[Mikk1 in reply to Gettingittogether]

That sounds good. I am saying that, that kind of being not always is accepted or seen positive, simply because not undertood by others.

We are often judged at work by persons who think in a different way, but not for this better.

Sometimes we are simply not undertood. Or anyway we feel like that.

I like when that happens in sports because in that case there is a known winner, no matter if he/she has adhd or not.

But in jobs things are completely different, most of times.

[Gettingittogether]

I will say it is important that we can people who are "our people," people who do appreciate us and value us ... and who we sync with.

And I try to resist the illusion that everybody else is "normal" and happy and because they are living more conventional lives, are living life better than I am ... I wonder if that addresses your point more ...

One reason I recommend therapy so strongly is because we do have to find a way to appreciate ourselves as we are. We have to find a way to feel valued and worthy in the world just as we are. That takes some work, but the work, in my view at least, is worth it.

Rebels, revolutionaries, hippies, religious folks---all subgroups basically try to find their own community. Sometimes these days we might find part of that online.

[Mikk1 in reply to Gettingittogether]

No. Maybe I am not good in explaining what I mean.It's not that I think that others are better and I need to be more confident in myself. It's not that the problem.

On the contrary I think that sometimes we do things in a different and good way, but it is not recognised by others because not understood and because there is not a clear evidence like in the result of a sport contest.

Sometimes other persons see only the negative aspects of what we do respect what they would do, without undertanding the good part, that sometimes could be much more important.

[Gettingittogether in reply to Mikk1]

And the goal is to spend time with those peope who appreciate our gifts. And who don't mind our weaknesses.

And then on the other side, to minize to the extent possible, time we spend with people who don't appreciate our gifts--and to work to not be bothered by these people who don't appreciate our gifts if spending time with them is unavoidable.