In need of information on everyday living

[Muneca48]

Does any one else have problems at home when it comes to communicating with their significant other for simple things. It has gotten so bad that my boyfriend and I cant even go a few hours with out extremely misunderstanding eachother. I dont know what to do anymore. We cant keep going the way we are. Can anyone give me anything to do.

[Daniel_1976]

Hi, Muneca.

I am married for almost 13 years (to be completed in December), and one key learn that we had is the importance of communication.

Let’s begin with some questions (those questions bellow address both, you and your significant other):

1) Do you really think that this person in front of you is the reason of your struggle? When you realize that the passion phase has gone and both have to deal with the unmasked person in front of you, will you give up and look out for a new relation, until you reach this very same point on your next relationship? Do you realize that this struggle in reality is the starting point of your growth as a mature couple?

2) Do you have empathy to place yourself in each other’s shoes? This means trying to understand the other’s view of the situation, in context with the person traumas, wins and losses.

3) Would you listen to what your significant other wants to communicate to you or do you want to pick the most quick and effortless response to end the situation, based on your assumptions and previous negative experiences?

We have learned a practical exercise called “knee to knee”, where you place yourselves in a close seating face to face position and let the other talk, without interruptions, until he/she gives you the allowance to talk. The theme of the talk goes like this: “In my head I understood this action/talk of yours as if you… <talk about the situation that brought you to this conversation>.” OR “My intention with this act/talk, was to tell you that <talk about your reasons – take no shortcuts>”.

After talking everything, without interruption, let the other person talk, and do not interrupt.

After really knowing what was inside the head of your significant other and why he/she had acted that way, it is time to dissolve the misunderstanding and come to terms.

If you love each other, I am sure it was an unintended misunderstanding and to talk about it, really listening to your partner, is the only way to take the best out of it and to learn about each other’s true feelings.

[Muneca48 in reply to Daniel_1976]

Thank you so much!!!....I have tried so much on my own its not working and I can see why. I forget that there are more people who go through the same struggles that I do. Its nice to finally know Its not just me, im not alone.

[pragman]

Hey, "normal" people struggle with this, so I'd say, cut yourself some slack. The one advice I can give you though is that relationships are rarely "meant to be". Each relationship needs constant nurturing and improvement. It gets better over time if both of you work on it, take time to have conversations that are more reflective and thoughtful, and try to understand the other person's viewpoint.