I got diagnosed as kid, my mom refused medication. I received SSI, and went to a school called B.O.C.E.S. because of my inattentiveness and my inability to stop daydreaming. I have always been very hyper and I don't have the ability to shut up. This as affected me negatively in my relationships. I'm 32 and haven't had a relationship since 2014. Its also hard for me to keep a job. People tend to not like me, and it makes me an easy target for scapegoating.
I've experience a lot of workplace bullying from co-workers simply because I'm different. I have been fired from many jobs for being different. Simply because people don't like me. I don't do anything to directly hurt people. There are many factors like me being gender non-conforming, (which is something I don't have control of) and also being an attractive female feeds into this general dislike of me. Since everyone expects me to behave like a feminine female because of the way I look, people tend to be disgusted with my unfeminine behavior. I have always been like this since I was a child, and I try to mask my inability to conform to gender, but the mask slips up and I cannot keep it up for long because its unnatural for me to behave like a woman.
I'm fully aware that having ADHD is a factor in my inability to conform to gender. I know medication will not cure that, I'm fine with being a non-binary person. Its not a poltical issue for me. I don't have any issues with my lack of gender. I'm perfectly happy being female. The issue is my inability to be taken seriously by people. I need a stable job. I don't want to depend on my family for the rest of my life.
I am currently back in school studying cybersecurity. I want a job where I don't interact with people very much and my skills speak for me, not my ability to get people to like me. It a high-demand career field that is friendly towards neurodiverse people. Most likely I will land a work from home job. I realized I work best alone, away from people. I have workplace PTSD. I have been bullied, sexually harassed, and violently assaulted in multiple work places. I learned the hard way being different makes you an easy target.
The service industry is rife with problems already and its not good for anyone who is neurodiverse to work in that kind of rigid environment, where everyone is pitted against eachother. Add to that internalized sexism and I'm an easy target for disgruntled women because of the way I look is mismatched with the way I behave. Luckily for me, I have ADHD so any physical attacks I have from someone, I see a coming a mile away.
I learned from experience that I need the protections that come with having a disability. I need an adult ADHD evaluation. I have talked to my primary care provider and she gave me a list of ADHD clinics but none of them have neuropsychologists and if they do have one none of them accept medicaid. I live in chicago. I need this diagnosis and the protections that come with it. I also need medication to control my restlessness and my inability to pay attention to things that bore me. It causes problems when I try to make friends since my brain likes to wander a lot. I have incontrollable daydreaming, many ideas that pop up and I never have the ability to just start what I wanna do. Its like I'm paralyzed by my multitude of ideas. I'm tired of being a 32 year old loser. I want stability in my life and I want to be able to make my ideas into reality without getting overwelmed by the steps that I need to take to make my ideas reality. I need help ASAP! I tired of seeing my life pass by and not be able to enjoy it.