36 and single

[Daffodileyes]

Hi community,

I was diagnosed with ADHD just a month ago at age 36, and my whole life suddenly makes sense. I am struggling with being single and wondering if any of you took more time to find a committed/forever relationship and what role ADHD may have played. When I was much younger, I was in a three year relationship, but all of my relationships since haven't lasted past 6 months. I'm quite lonely, and I would love to find my life partner. I am grateful for any advice or insight!

[artnmusic]

Hi there, I can relate to getting a formal diagnosis at 36, that's when I was diagnosed also though I did suspect it for a long time. I do think ADD played a role in my ability to make sense of impulse vs values in terms of relationships. My husband (together for 19 yrs but married for 6, we met in our 30s) was someone who had different qualities than a lot of my previous relationship partners had. For one thing, he was stable and dependable! He wasn't flashy or "dangerous" and so I constantly questioned my choice initially. My previous relationships involved a lot of uncertainty, or over-the-top physical attraction (but not a good long term match etc). Everyone has to figure it out for themselves, but in my personal experience it was not easy to make the right choice, because my judgment was so clouded by looking for adrenaline/dopamine to fix my brain, instead of looking for a kind person who cared about me. I don't know if that is helpful but I hope so on some level! Best of luck in connecting to positive people and positive environments where you are valued! (that helps with meeting the right people )

[Katilicious]

Absolutely I can relate. I’m 52 and still single!! I’m so glad you have recognised this condition earlier than me. I have an extensive history of chasing unavailable men. I now acknowledge I was actually chasing dopamine. I rejected a lot lovely stable men and left them very confused. There’s nothing I can do about it now but it’s enlightening to understand my past. My longest relationship was 6 months.

[Chestertown]

Hi Daf, I'm older..I haven't given up. I lost my first wife in 2010 to cancer. I lost my second wife to cancer in March. Both were my rudders. No matter what you have hope. Hang in thre

[Harinti]

Some things are overrated. To be honest, I am single for a long time and I really enjoy that. But it's just my choice. If you really want to find a soulmate, try online dating. I think it's the best option now. But if you look for casual hookups, check out this website 100hookup.com/

[Hidden]

Hi!

30 and single 3 years here, I know ADHD played a role in my past relationships but I worked hard at being able to articulate my feelings and emotions even if I never knew why! Effort should count for a lot, after all the only ones who understand our brains the most are ourselves and it always takes work to communicate and understand others in any situation. I wasn't getting that fair treatment so I left both of mine after being overwhelmed and unhappy for years. It can be lonely in some moments, but honestly I'm happy that I can look forward and think about possibilities rather than wallow in past mistakes. I hope you have the strength to not settle when it comes to a serious relationship, just don't feel guilty about being human and wanting affection from a partner.

[Daffodileyes]

Hi there! Thank you for the kind and insightful reply! You are right, I can give myself permission to focus on possibilities and be honest with myself about my desire for affection and love. Are you searching for a new partner right now or moreso generally opening yourself up to the idea?

[Hidden in reply to Daffodileyes]

I've always left myself open to meeting someone, I've been on dating apps and met plenty of guys in the last 3 years it was just never a right fit. Had a run in with a co-worker despite my no work rule 🤭 whoops. I have very high standards now so I'd rather keep looking. I'm working really hard on my own success and I'm not where i want to be yet but I think there's never a right "time" persay because someone good could always lift you up. In the end they are the ones that get to decide you are worth it for them.

I'm hoping to make more in person connections when I move in 5 months, as dating apps are very difficult for finding genuine compatibility but I've tried everything under the sun almost so I can always recommend some. At the least they are great for experience and learning more about your wants and boundaries

[pragman]

The one suggestion I'd give you is to look for atypical people. It could be any type, but atypical people are generally more interesting and fun ,especially since they can be hard to figure out, which means: long-lasting dopamine supply! They are also more vulnerable just like you are since society in general doesn't understand their problems, just like it is for us, which makes for a more open, relatable and healthy relationship.