What is Happening

[Colls47]

I posted a couple of times , but just wanted to follow, as things just keep taking turns that I don’t or can’t understand .

As said before , lost my far 4 years ago and then myself and family (wife and 4 kids ) have been social and physical support for my mum . She sadly passed away in June, night if my birthday , after myself and wife got her into hospital . She had given up at 82 after being along for 4 years when dad passed . I had been out of work since or just before dad died , as I didn’t want either of them to suffer alone . I have two older brothers , one moved out of country whe dad died and the other , very wealthy , did nothing for either of them .

Since mum has been on her own in the little village twenty miles away, I have called her for four years twice every day, and visited her at least once a week and had her at ours for dinner . There is now a massive void that I can’t quite work out what I should do with. I should get back to work , but doing what? Nothing interests me . I did call centre work for ten years , and got bullied out in the end , and as I felt wronged , I made sure I took them through a tribunal who paid out after 18 months . I worked at a bank not long after , and they put too much on me , and again as I felt wronged , with the union I took them to task and they paid out aswell.

4 months ago , I was diagnosed adhd . I am also expected ASD, Assesment is next week.

I was started on elvanse , didn’t like it after 9 days , too high followed by a crash , that at the moment , I can’t cope with . Then I was put on dexamphetamin 7.5mg twice a day, and after 3 weeks, my anxiety come through afternoon is awful and slowly but surely the anxiety has been increasing each week to the point where my health anxiety has me in a and e last night . I have physical health issues , crohnes disease , and a two weeks ago I had a letter from my consultant to advise , after a scan 8 weeks ago, I have inflammation in my Bowel and he wants to see me in October to start immuno suppressants. So I’m scared that something is going to happen, as last time , 20 years ago, similar resulted in me having half my bowel out and the op went a bit wrong , and I nearly died . So yeah, I’m scared ( although I have no symptoms ???)

Also, my eldest daughter turns 18 soon, and has developed her social life going out more ? And I feel a bit abandoned !! Like everyone in my life is leaving me , and i have nothing ?? These are real deep scared emotionS . Like transitions that I can’t cope with . I’m so scared right now . I’m 47 and it’s making me feel like my life is done now .

I’ve been treated for depression all my life , noting had really worked . I’m on two small doses of rubbish anti depressants, one being mirtazpine , and I’m sure this one is making things worse . I feel lost . Depression ? Adhd ? ASD ? Anxiety ? loss ? Transitions ? How do I unpick this ? how do I become or find me ? How the hell we I get back to work ? I have been waiting for some kind of therapy for 2 years

[lodopo]

Wow, so much loss.I am sorry to read about your loss.

You are grieving and seem traumatized.

Why are you waiting for therapy? Get a good one if you can. Find someone who will give you hope and talk about how to fight back against your rumination and depression.

You are grieving the real deal and it's really sad and hard.

When you are sad and grieving and depressed, symptoms that look like adhd are common.

Your daughter is going through a normal phase of young adulthood; Try not to take it personal.

See if you can find a grief group run by a therapist, and get a therapist. Be weary of medications. You can take a medication for depression but a medication for grief would not be appropriate.

Be very good to yourself. Much love and respect.

[Colls47]

Thank you . I have to wait for therapy as I can’t afford it and need the NHS to provide . It’s been about 2 years so far waiting, and Im just going further down the hole .

Adhd diagnosis was just before mum passed , and it’s an online psychiatry, who you never meet in person , and they prescribe what they feel will help , but are not involved in any way with your mental state / depression / anxiety ( which they believed was mostly down to my adhd )

I tried the two stims elvanse and dexamphetamin, both induced a low mood and further anxiety ( as I’m an over thinker and always analysing how I feel, health anxiety ) my mind doesn’t stop spinning , so , the stims whilst they had effect seemed to calm me for a bit, but soon as wore off , head in full worry mode.

They said they want me to now try intuniv , but after reading ( I research everything £ that they can make you zzzzzz, I said to them think it’s best we stop trying different drugs for now , it’s hard to know what is adhd , what is Grief anxiety etc

[DesertAl]

Sounds like your dealing with grief and other serious life changes. Grief it’s self can cycle the sufferer through seemingly uncontrollable peaks and valleys of emotional processing.

I lost my brother to COVID related isolation and type one diabetes. Do not underestimate the impacts of grief as your consciousness attempts to adjust to the new reality of your loss.

I would give a high priority to reducing anxiety using multiple methods, “meds, therapy, music, massage, meditation, exercise. Reducing your anxiety will hopefully help reduce your depression as well as some of your physical health issues.

Your eighteen year old is transitioning to adulthood.

The process of growing to adulthood is nonlinear with great variability. These life changes have been active for longer then you can perceive and are normally loaded with serious emotional hurdles.

Do not underestimate the power of grief or anxiety on your daily functional emotional state. Communicate you feelings to your family, ask for there help when appropriate. Schedule a fun date with your daughter,.

Best wishes, your post presents to me that you are reaching out for help, which is great, breath and prioritize reducing stress.

Allan

[Colls47]

Allan Thankyou . I do feel so so lost and in a real dark lonely place , even with a wife and 4 kids . I had hoped the adhd diagnosis was going to shine a light and help me deal with the previously diagnosed depression and anxiety , but seems the meds they are trying are just clearing my head for a short time then a major crash to the way I have always felt .If I go back through my life , there are been many times I have found myself in a similar situation and feelings , albeit not death related , but feeling of loss and so alone , and they were after a major car accident , when i lost a Job not long after moving out and felt all alone at my house panicking on what will happen , and also when I was diagnosed with crohnes many years ago and was so scared I was going to die , so going back through time , I recognise this feeling , but the way I got through them was either moving back home with parents because I couldn’t hack everything , or turning to drugs and party scene , or becoming very ill . So , that part scares me , as before , I had no responsibility, now, I’m a dad and a husband , and I can’t just walk off to recover , or crumble .

Does this sound like adhd traits going back through life ? Or am I just emotionally unstable