I posted a couple of times , but just wanted to follow, as things just keep taking turns that I don’t or can’t understand .
As said before , lost my far 4 years ago and then myself and family (wife and 4 kids ) have been social and physical support for my mum . She sadly passed away in June, night if my birthday , after myself and wife got her into hospital . She had given up at 82 after being along for 4 years when dad passed . I had been out of work since or just before dad died , as I didn’t want either of them to suffer alone . I have two older brothers , one moved out of country whe dad died and the other , very wealthy , did nothing for either of them .
Since mum has been on her own in the little village twenty miles away, I have called her for four years twice every day, and visited her at least once a week and had her at ours for dinner . There is now a massive void that I can’t quite work out what I should do with. I should get back to work , but doing what? Nothing interests me . I did call centre work for ten years , and got bullied out in the end , and as I felt wronged , I made sure I took them through a tribunal who paid out after 18 months . I worked at a bank not long after , and they put too much on me , and again as I felt wronged , with the union I took them to task and they paid out aswell.
4 months ago , I was diagnosed adhd . I am also expected ASD, Assesment is next week.
I was started on elvanse , didn’t like it after 9 days , too high followed by a crash , that at the moment , I can’t cope with . Then I was put on dexamphetamin 7.5mg twice a day, and after 3 weeks, my anxiety come through afternoon is awful and slowly but surely the anxiety has been increasing each week to the point where my health anxiety has me in a and e last night . I have physical health issues , crohnes disease , and a two weeks ago I had a letter from my consultant to advise , after a scan 8 weeks ago, I have inflammation in my Bowel and he wants to see me in October to start immuno suppressants. So I’m scared that something is going to happen, as last time , 20 years ago, similar resulted in me having half my bowel out and the op went a bit wrong , and I nearly died . So yeah, I’m scared ( although I have no symptoms ???)
Also, my eldest daughter turns 18 soon, and has developed her social life going out more ? And I feel a bit abandoned !! Like everyone in my life is leaving me , and i have nothing ?? These are real deep scared emotionS . Like transitions that I can’t cope with . I’m so scared right now . I’m 47 and it’s making me feel like my life is done now .
I’ve been treated for depression all my life , noting had really worked . I’m on two small doses of rubbish anti depressants, one being mirtazpine , and I’m sure this one is making things worse . I feel lost . Depression ? Adhd ? ASD ? Anxiety ? loss ? Transitions ? How do I unpick this ? how do I become or find me ? How the hell we I get back to work ? I have been waiting for some kind of therapy for 2 years