Overwhelmed

[Kimberokc]

I am not OKAY. I am overwhelmed by everything. My home is not organized at all. I walk into my bedroom (if i can get to the bed without stepping over clothes, dishes, etc) i dont know where to start, so i sit and cry. This isn’t the life i chose

[Hidden]

I feel the same. The clutter causes so much stress. It’s hard to know where to start and even if I spend 2 hours cleaning, you can’t tell it.

[Kimberokc in reply to Hidden]

losing everything? i pick up something to put it away, I get sidetracked somewhere on the way and end up putting the plant fertilizer in the bathroom. This happens 3-4 times a day. Where in the world do we get assistance?

[emisme in reply to Kimberokc]

Something that I’ve been looking into lately is minimalism. I have come to realize that I collect too much stuff, and that stuff is what’s making everything so unmanageable. Even if I am disorganized or don’t keep a consistent routine, if I have less stuff, there’s always going to be less to deal with and therefore less stress. It’s hard for me because I’m an artist who feels they need all these different items and materials for future projects, but I think if I take this approach for everything else, even my studio will be easier to manage.

I’m not at all there yet and have many mental blocks to overcome, but what helps me is to put in my bluetooth headphones and play a selection of YouTube clips from The Minimalists YouTube channel WHILE I’m cleaning. They make a lot of sense, and I feel more empowered to deal with things properly when I’m listening to them.

[edwardthecat in reply to emisme]

Hi I'm new here, just diagnosed but saw this and had to comment, I want to be a minimalist.... but my house is the opposite of that and I don't know where to start..... I have way too much useless stuff and its overwhelming!

[emisme in reply to edwardthecat]

Sorry I didn’t respond to this. Not sure I even saw it. I think the best way to deal with stuff for me is to pick one small area to commit to. And one small chunk of time. “For the next 15 minutes, I will clear the junk away and clean this small surface.” You can even put a all the stuff in a basket and then commit another 15 minutes to properly dealing with everything in that basket the next day. If you do this, then you can also focus on wiping down the chosen surface and making it look nice. You will find that rewarding and hopefully look forward to the next one. The important part is to keep the tasks as small as you need to until you generate motivation to make them bigger. If you can’t commit 15 minutes, try 5. This works for other things, like exercise and school/work, too. I find when I commit to 3 mins of exercise, I usually continue for at least 10-20 minutes more.

Try it out and find something that works. Hope this is helpful.

[tkrat2]

Look for the blog A Slob Comes Clean by Dana K White. She is seriously amazing! Her brain is most likely ADHD- she says she hasn't been diagnosed, but she makes so much sense! Put her podcast on to listen while following her steps. She is funny and relatable and its like having a friend over without the embarrassment. I promise, she will help you see your house differently. Don’t judge yourself. Give yourself grace, and listen to Dana! She is a hoot! You will start cleaning and life with our brains will make a bit of sense!

[ZimmyZimmy]

Uuuuuuuuuhhhhh!!!! Yes! I moved into my little house a year ago (just me and the pets), and I still have 75% of my stuff in boxes. My home is very small so (my bedroom is a pile of boxes and laundry baskets, it’s the worst), I lose everything everywhere.

Friends say “just unpack one box a day!” That “one box” is so overwhelming because it’s like Christmas morning! What to do with each item? But wait…which shelf…but wait…do I like that shelf there…let’s rearrange the living room (again)…I should dust this…that plant needs water…the kitchen sink is full of dishes…

…then getting back to that ONE BOX, too tired to deal, day over, nothing done AGAIN. Thanks for the advice, friends….FAIL.

[Clayfox]

Having a messy house and being overwhelmed by the mess are two separate things. I do not doubt the level of mess, nor the mental anguish, but there is a step between them that you may be able to make progress on to make it not as hard.It may be possible that you could look around at the mess and not beat yourself up about it (through something that probably looks like therapy).

Some of us are just messy, and who gets to decide what counts as too messy? At the end of the day, you do. I guess what I'm saying is that the angst may be mitigated in part by acceptance, and if that makes you not as overwhelmed, it could make it easier to find a balance that works for you.

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On a practical note, my partner has gone through the following growth through therapy:

1) she used to make decisions that would cause the least trouble, but that was not authentic. She felt she couldn't be trusted to make her own decisions, because what if she decided to not take care of her family or didn't perform well at work?!

2) after about a year of therapy, she started to believe that making her own choices would be okay. She realized that she would choose to take care of the things she cares about Because she cares about them. This was the first major hurdle to making and owning her own choices.

3) SHE GOT DIAGNOSED WITH ADHD AND EVERYTHING STARTED MAKING SO MUCH MORE SENSE. This was a real turning point, and we learned a lot about the hidden pitfalls like emotional reactivity and the inconsistencies like lack of attention and hyperfocus, etc.

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Finally, she started a routine every morning of asking, "what are my roles and goals?" and "what am I choosing to prioritize today?" That meant the messy room, the unwashed laundry, or whatever could be okay because today she was prioritizing family time, or a work project, or work could wait today because she wanted to get some tidying done. By doing it daily, it doesn't build to overwhelm, and by acceptance of choices, it's not happening to her.

[BlueDaydreamer]

I have a path to my bed....I am not sure what is in the pile on my side of the bed besides clothes that don't fit, clothes I currently wear, and blankets. There is a chair somewhere under there, purses, bags, and books, but it is more than that. It is more than clutter, it is a humongous monster of a pile, and I am a hoarder, I guess. I have tried to attack the pile, find books I would really like to find, and get rid of worn out, too small clothes but I always end up in tears, with a huge mess in the "tidy" part of the room. I also feel completely overwhelmed. Even my smaller piles, in the living room can't go anywhere because I would never find them again. I am sorry, Kimberokc, I don't know the solution. I am reading a book that claims to help, but I don't know yet if it does. I keep getting distracted to other books or tasks or any distraction. The book is called Buried in Treasures. I have it on Kindle. There is more to the name, but I can't read it on my phone app, sorry. It's too small before I click it, and then it goes to the page I was on. <sigh> I hope you have a better day knowing you are not alone. I have talked to my counselor about my hoarding but she doesn't know much about how to help with it. She mostly specializes in children and ADHD. I have to go tend my husband's wound and go to work. Take care! 🤗

[BTV65]

Cluttered vs Neat

Yeah I hear you. I have so many papers on my desk, it can be scary to even think of sorting them. Stuff in the pile gets so old, that by the time I try to sort them I have to throw out 3/4 of it, as they are expired, or bills I already paid, etc. I guess that is a benefit. Throwing stuff in recycling means I don't have to figure out where to put it.

Boxes! My wife and I have boxes from when we moved into the house 13 years ago that we still haven't looked through or put away. "Where do I put this?" - that right there is the #1 reason for not sorting through it. Books? Piece of cake. I have book shelves. However there are 1001 bits and items that don't have an obvious place. I look through the box, making a pile of things I want to keep but don't know where they go. At the end, I dump them all back in the box because I don't know what else to do with them.

On the other hand... I have a clear path to the bed. Always. I do the laundry, I put my stuff away. Every shirt, pant, sock... they all have a place to go. No thinking needed.

The difference is having a spot/area that you know where things belong. Not having to decide. Not having to look for a place to put something. Those decisions are so hard.

Of course my workshop is a different story. I have places for pretty much everything, but I hate putting away tools/items, only to need them again. So I put off "cleaning up" because I have a hard time knowing when a project is really done, and my stuff ends up spread out all over the place (multiple projects of course) and I can never find things. It's so frustrating!

[LifeIsLearning in reply to BTV65]

I am right with you! Certain things have a home, and they get there eventually. BUT all the little odd things that have emotional ties to them . . . where on earth do they go?! Ugh!

As for the paperwork, I'm soooo glad my husband does not also have ADHD!!!!!

[dede2012]

yes, same here, the overwhelm is the kick, i have piles, that are "waiting" to be put away, but i do also prioritize, if i would not prioritize what's important than it would be really a disaster for me, i'm raising my granddaughter who is 11, and as long we get out the house in the morning in one piece, is all good, i know adhd is crazy, and there is so much to learn about it and that our brains work different, one day can be wonderful and then another day, you are just completely lost

[Jody2020]

I'm in the same boat. I can start sometimes with drugs and major effort but never finish anything. In the end my house and life looks and feels like a bomb went off. Whenever I've attempted to ask for help it only stresses me out more and made it worse. My adult kids think I'm just lazy, get mad, yell at me and go through the very long list of what I need to do. Which of course Ive already been trying to do for months (some things even years) and have only failed. Then the crippling depression and anxiety kicks into overdrive and I just shut down. I'm not sure why but it is a somehow comforting to know I'm not the only one dealing with this hell.

[ZimmyZimmy in reply to Jody2020]

Ya! Since I am alone, I am the one asking myself if I am being “just lazy.” Since I am in mid-adhd diagnosis, and only discovered the phenomenon a month ago…. I beat myself up about my scattered house and brain daily. Losing stuff, can’t keep organized, frazzled, always running late… I’m seeing the vicious cycle of so many little tasks to do, don’t know what to do first, overwhelm myself thinking about it, freeze, and blank out….

Not sure if I’m lazy or if this is adhd!

[Catjoy]

Hello omg I just, wrote my reply and press wrong button and lost it,, had a long nice response , this is when I wish I wasn't born... Anyways here we go, I can totally relate with clutter issues oh gosh you should see all the fashion magazines I have pile up, about 100 and pass by say will organize or give away tomorrow and it's been one year... Yes that's right. Oh and I tend to collect sales items for projects etc... And to be honest I don't need them, friends tell me where are my savings going ... Ok

[Catjoy]

Hello I'm back still concern about my first reply... Please let me know if anyone sees it, thanks oh gosh got to go to bed...

[Cupcake_Rottie]

Wow I have finally found my people... this is my life... I have resorted to sleeping on the couch for the last few years and now call my room "the black hole". I know whats in there and where everything is mostly. Its just "Organized Confusion"..... but its horrible and embarrassing. I never let anyone come to my house. I have projects everywhere that are undone... yes I bought sales items for projects as well... they are stacked up on tables pushed in corners..

I have toys for my grandkids... craft projects that have never been opened. Science projects and exploration items that are collecting dust. Clothes and shoes that never have been worn. I have patio furniture from April that is in plastic sitting in my basement.... its July... because I dont have everything I want in order to put it outside yet. UGH...

I sleep on the couch.. I work on the couch... cuz my home office is in the black hole... I set up a gym but never put batteries in the machine to use it. Bought a weight set but didnt unbox it. A security system Im paying for monthly but never even plugged it in yet.... Yeah... comcast that has been disconnected but the equipment is renting storage space in my house.... yes lovely... I have about 200 identical black shirts and I have to have the right one to wear. Im an hour late for everything even if I start 4hrs early because I cant leave without making sure "this one thing is done" or "I forgot to do this".... UGH...

I hate clutter, I hate mess, I hate dirty spaces... it drives me crazy and makes me depressed. however I am one person and everything is so overwhelming that I dont know what to do. I just go to a hotel room for a few days to get away so I dont go crazy in my house. In the hotel room I am OCD about everything being in a certain order.

I have had 30 jobs. I can do ANYTHING ... like anything. I can figure anything out just by looking or reading or hearing. I can do anyone's job, learn to do anything, easily. Its freaking weird how I can do that stuff. BUT I CANT FINISH THE FREAKING DISHES!!!!! I CANT CLEAN MY ROOM.... WTF?????????? I take a million drugs already and have a coach. I am supposed to be working my "real job" now. But its boring and I hate it.

Thank you for letting me vent and finally, finally, not feeling like I am out here in this going crazy more and more everyday and feeling hopeless ALONE!

[PJbox in reply to Cupcake_Rottie]

I feel like I could have written your post. I’m not where I ought to be in life but I did find that reducing decision making helped me. That’s an odd thing to say so I’ll explain it with two columns of “yes” & “no.” In the No column list all the tasks that never get done or are done late by your person al standards: (like dishes, vacuuming, cleaning the pool, paying bills). First step for me was to pay somebody else to do those things or automate them somehow: cleaning service, roomba, autopay. The “yes” Column (if you’ve already thought through a list) include not only the things you’re good at and enjoy but also things you want to do. Want to do but have not yet because the “no” column leaves you bogged down. That’s what happened to me. I decided my energy goes to yes column and delegated no column. I don’t get clothes and pedicures and my hair done as often because I pay for other services that are much more meaningful to me. I try to spend my life and decision making energy in the Yes column. Hope this all made sense. Best of luck with career endeavors!

Quote by Marc and Angel

[LifeIsLearning in reply to Cupcake_Rottie]

I know it's easier said than done, but finding a way to slow or cut off the stream of things into your house is a big step in the right direction. I know the name Mari Kondo might sound like a cus word, but she recommends thinking about where a thing will go in your house before you buy it (or if I bring this home, what will I get rid of). Getting a budget helped me slow down the purchases, but only because I have the accountability with my husband, whom I trust and I know has my interests in mind. I know that's not something everyone has.

In order to build your awareness that you CAN do hard things, I recommend a "Wins Wall" where you take a piece of paper and tape it to the wall (so you can't pile anything on top of it, and so you can see it regularly). Write things you did well on it. Start with all the jobs you've learned how to do. Then add stuff as you go. It could be mailing one present to one of the grand kids, putting two pairs of shoes in your car to drop off at a charity, or not buying an on sale craft item (that's my soft spot too!).

Set a small goal like "no more than 1 thing (besides food) will enter my house this week" or "I'll put two things in the car for charity a day till Saturday" and then reward that, maybe with a night out at the hotel.

I'm supposed to be working my "real job" too right now

Best wishes!

[ADHD33]

Yes!! To all of this! I absolutely hate clutter and it’s just so tough to keep things organized. I’ve started a new rule that if I don’t use something for a year I throw it out or donate it. It’s definitely helped a lot, but… damn… all that wasted money! I try and dedicate whole days on my calendar for cleaning… and then just end up on my couch all day staring at the mess. Who knows where to start?! I guess, on the positive side, those days I’ve binged a lot of good tv? 🤣

[dede2012]

you know i think us females are really so much more affected, do the hormones play a part in all this adhd mess and magnify it so much more, and if we reach our mid 50's is a disaster, looking back before my diagnosis and years before midlife, yes there were some questions why i'm this way, but after the diagnosis and after 50, i'm saying holy crap, there has to be a solution for this, i'm waiting for my doc visit next week, strattera did not work for me at all, so they better put me on the next med to try out because you just live day to day and is not getting better