Following a particularly challenging day at work, which was preceded by a difficult nights sleep, last evening I found myself submerged in the familiar sort of ADHD thoughts and emotions I lived with my whole life. I have gotten the medications dialed in, I’m developing my inner advocate to contend on my behalf with the inner critic I started creating when I was six, and I’m continuing to engage in counseling and conversation (this forum) about my ADHD. Yet last night it all fell to pieces and I got discouraged thinking this isn’t going to last (like everything else I’ve tried).
This morning I woke up and thought about how these very sophisticated Covid vaccines are not 100% effective. 95% is a very effective success rate considering that the seasonal flu shot is less than 50% effective.
This all reminded me that no therapy, no drug, no change in behavior against ADHD will ever be 100% effective. Even the diligent application of all three combined will not be a 100% “cure”.
I think it’s normal and healthy to have moments, hours, even days when we find we have returned to the old ADHD patterns of thinking and feeling. Weeks on the other hand probably mean we need to consider a change in our therapy, but I suspect we should expect moments of “relapse” as part of an ordinary, balanced life with this gift of ADHD.
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Alan0127
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Hello Alan. I am sorry you’ve been having a tough time. You are right though, ADHD is a life long battle regardless of the different treatment options you utilize. Some days will be better than others. There are many things that can trigger heightened ADHD symptoms such as poor/disrupted sleep, diet (foods high in sugar, caffeine, and artificial dyes), sudden changes to routines (a new job, or the end of a long term relationship), daily stressors (work deadlines/projects, or relational stress). I hope you can find comfort in knowing that you are not alone. I like to use the analogy of a roller coaster to explain life with ADHD, sometimes we feel great and confident and other times we feel anxious, stressed and unsure of ourselves. I’m still trying to learn how to cope with the “drops” or “lows” of ADHD. Good luck to you on your journey. ❤️
I can relate to those feeling of ADHD desolation too. But in spite of the many positives of having ADHD, I can't discount how the mental discouragement and in my cases changes in brain chemistry drain far too much of my life. I'm feeling wonderful about life currently. Though there have been long stretches of my life wasted in the "ADHD vortex". God bless us all.
Hi Alan. I've been there. Often or in a lot ways, I'm still there. I've had to rewrite this reply several times. I'm new to this, so I don't know if I'm answering your Post, or making this about me. But our sharing of experiences is what helps make a connection. So,,, what's the right way to answer? Sorry to say that I don't have an answer for you, except to tell you that you are not alone.
I understand. Again, I've been there (and I'll be back there again in the future).
I've had sleep problems since I was a kid. Lack of sleep always exaggerated everything negative. Bad or unpleasant dreams kept me from getting quality sleep. (There is an Rx, Prazosin, for bad dreams which has help a lot). Then there's also the problem of falling asleep.
As you said, "This all reminded me that no therapy, no drug, no change in behavior against ADHD will ever be 100% effective" Even the diligent application of all three combined will not be a 100% “cure”. I feel the same way. I think medical and psychological science has a long way to go for finding out the answers to ADHD. Especially the emotional side of ADHD. The emotional side being the emotions inherent with ADHD, or that we experience from trying to survive in life while having ADHD?
Also, as life goes on, my ADHD changes...? The amount of ADHD Rx needed changes, along with other things that are hard to put a finger on.
I need to develop an advocate for my inner critic.
Yes, I have 'Relapses' also. Discouragement, along with frustration and self doubt are like a virus. They're just waiting for the opportunity to get in my head.
No silver bullets. There will be bad days but in some ways we need them, otherwise we would forget what a good day feels like. At the risk of glibness, would you trade no bad days for no good days, and settle for permanent mediocrity? Put another way, we cannot move forward without making the attempt. Oftentimes the attempt ends in failure and sometimes that will make us feel bad, yet nothing can be learnt until we try. I realise that it's cold comfort when you're low and I hope you feel better soon. Here's a book recommendation that helped me handle the negative outcomes of life: The courage to be disliked, Kishimi and Koga
Thank you for being willing to share this, Alan. I also find this to be the case. In my circumstance, I find that a supportive environment (e.g., friends, family and colleagues at work) hold substantial power over how I view myself and handle these set backs. When I can have a positive enough environment (typically requiring positivity in all 3 domains), I can do well. However, when one of these domains is filled with more negativity, my ADHD symptoms exacerbate -- or perhaps, my inner critic is exacerbated and my guilt for my ADHD thoughts and actions are heightened.
I appreciate that you have suggested that these negative days/weeks/months are likely information for me to recalibrate my treatment. I typically get into a cycle of really, really negative self-talk.
I assure you, I know how it feels. I am 28 and have ADHD, all my life I worked hard, gave 150% than others to get 50% of what they can achieve. Growing up as a child, it sucked, back then, no one knows what ADHD was, not even to my parents, they wouldn't admit it as a condition, they rule it out by saying I didn't work hard enough.
Anyways, I already developed a certain way of thinking, and mimic a confident personality, and take ease with things that out of my control, that's how I am managing. Not a day passes by when I don't feel, if didn't have ADHD, I would have done it in a better way. That feeling sucks.
BUT, at the same time, I also feel that how others don't know the value of not having ADHD and take things for granted and mess their life. I bet a majority of ADHD people feel they are in a good position in spite of having ADHD, that's because we work hard, we know the value, we appreciate things and we truly master at things we are confident about.
On a side note, I want to retire early as I can after making good enough money and sit on a couch and smoke pot all day and every day. If you have enough please take my suggestion 😂
Thank you for your thoughts. It’s helpful to hear that others have the same fight going on inside. Believe me, I tried smoking weed. I tried drinking. I tried sex with crazy women. It may work for some and I’m glad it does but for me, it just dug the hole I was in deeper. I hit granite and couldn’t dig any further.
My last of several attempts to end my suffering led me to a road, way out in the middle of nowhere. As I turned to drive to the end of my life somehow, running and running, I saw the sign at its entrance.
NO OUTLET
It was like God saying that to me. “Alan, there is no way out of this. You can try but you can’t fix it. But you can live in the chaos that is every human life. There is no cheap fix.” ...or something like that.
I don’t know anything about God, or whatever people mean when they use that noun, and I don’t even want to. I also don’t know anything about gravity but I feel something pulling on me from somewhere all the time. I don’t want to float away. I want to matter and to belong.
I created, with the *help* of some other doubtful sources, an inner critic who has been accusing me my whole life. What has helped is spending the last eight months creating an inner advocate. If I can create one, I can create the other. Maybe it’s God, maybe it’s my adult self, maybe it’s a consciousness bigger than my own already living inside of my body. I talk to it now. I listen to it. Mostly it says it doesn’t know what’s going on either but that it likes everything about me. That it finds no fault in me. That there is a perfectly good reason for every choice I have made. Some have hurt other people very badly and that is very bad, I must own it, but it was just the logical conclusion to the information I had at the time. I am guilty but I can’t endure the shame my guilt hangs on me. It does nothing but lead me right back into the same dead end over and over. The one with no outlet. I don’t want to live there anymore.
Have you ever looked into internal family systems or IFS for short as a model for therapy?
Head specifically deals with your internal parts and the roles they play and theWays the day learn to protect you that are now not productive. And you learn to have a relationship with them and acknowledge them and eventually give them another role to play.
You can check out YouTube videos for Dick Schwartz or IFS if you want to know more.
And I read say to not be so hard on yourself because this stuff just doesn't go away overnight if ever I think we learn to become more accepting of ourselves rather than anything really just disappearing. We shift our perspective about it and that takes the negativity away from it.
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