Looking to connect with fellow Adult ADHD folks

[sortofoutdoorsman]

Hi everyone,

It's really weird for me to get on here and not be able to use my actual name, also now seeing other people's usernames, somewhatoutdoorsman seems somewhat non-characterizing. So I suppose I'll do it here. Single male, 37, (god I hope I'm not violating any of the rules). Found out last August that I have Adult ADHD and probably had it as a kid as well. It presented before as daydreaming/inattentiveness; still does from time to time. Just switched to Vyvanse and it seems to be helping, though I still have anxiety. My ADHD presents now as inability to sit still for long periods of time. To the point that office work is almost strictly off the table, at least in the short term. So I work in a maintenance position and find that all that movement helps a lot. I have a college degree, though in something akin to liberal arts, which is frustrating. I didn't know I had ADHD in college, and things actually started off strong due to a bit of remission of my issues (specifically anxiety/depression (apparently it's mostly adhd and ocd)), and I got great grades, went from a finance major to a premed major. 3.92 GPA for my AA. University was a bit overwhelming. 400 people classes, almost no access to the professors, who didn't really want to be teaching anyway, but had to in order to continue their research. Community college, professors were actually there to teach, and I learned voraciously. I also didn't have any difficulty studying. I also had a small TBI right before my first semester at university, which seems to have exacerbated my ADHD. Worked in office settings for the first few years after college, rather successfully, except for my impulsive overspending because I was so damned miserable, then moved out west and got a job working in the outdoor industry, which was great, but I got fired 6 months in. Worked in the ski industry for a couple years, but the money wasn't very good, ended up going financially bankrupt (as in, I didn't claim bankruptcy, but all of my money was taken by the state due to not paying my credit card bills). Panic, overwhelming anxiety, depression, spent an entire 4th quarter (I had to travel for work almost constantly) freaking out about flying on planes when I had spent the previous two years doing the same thing, all of a sudden it gave me panic attacks and I realized I had to drink a beer or two before getting on any flight (works like a charm, as long as you don't have any addiction issues, which gratefully I've never struggled with). Lived for a year with my parents again trying to get acclimated. Adderall for the first year, which caused outbursts of anger and fury, but I could focus and wasn't freaking out all the time. I find that Vyvanse is more gentle, but this was the first script for it, so my psych and I will have to keep working at it because I still have some anxiety from it. Feel alone because I moved out west again (from the east coast) to work in the outdoor industry again. Living on my own is alright. Not much worse than before, in fact about the same. Have had a couple of great girlfriends over the last 4 years, one I had a lack of impulse control, the other, I changed a depression med, freaked out, and that's how I landed back east for a year. I've read a lot of your posts, and am grateful others will understand, but also wonder if this is going to get worse as I age. Any answers on that? Thank you for any help/advice you can give a newbie to this. Looking forward to making connections with all of you, even if we can't share names. Something is better than nothing.

[Zephira]

Well, you are older than me by a few years so I can’t say if it gets worse.

Sounds like you’ve been through some tumultous times to get where you’re at now. I can relate to a lot of it, especially the ‘being stuck’ at an office table. Yes, I can stand up and work but I need to move, or I’ll just explode.

Your picture and post makes me think of you as a person sitting on a plateau with chaos behind them, looking ahead, thinking - what now? And I guess it’s OK not to know. What’s important is you can walk away from the chaos and just breathe for a bit, imo.

[sortofoutdoorsman in reply to Zephira]

I know the feeling regarding getting ready to explode. My previous office job I had a standing desk and even bought a desk bicycle, but it was also a higher pressure job, so that didn't help in the long run. Thanks for the encouraging words, thanks for the acceptance.

[Shnookie]

Hi I'm Shnookie. This group is very supportive and we also give each other useful info and resources as well. Sounds like you have been on an up and down rollercoaster. However now it sounds like U R gaining a greater balance with your new therapist. One of my questions, is your anxiety. Have U and your therapist discussed anti-anxiety meds ?

Obviously, U don't want them to put U to sleep but rather something to take some of the edge off. Also and I say this out of experience and one is a bit older than U, please don't compare yourself to what happened in the past. Of course, it might occasionally happen, but please don't hyperfocus on it It sounds as though U R happier in a profession where U have the ability to be outside which is a good thing. I'm in your corner.

hugs S

[sortofoutdoorsman in reply to Shnookie]

Grateful to have you in my corner. I take Xanax and Klonopin right now (xanax during the day and klonopin if I wake up at night). As far as something longer lasting, I actually used to take buspar as a booster for zoloft, and it just made me more edgy. Weird. I'm trying to keep my face focused forward. I actually have an amazing psychiatrist who takes time to actually talk with me about what I've been experiencing. One step at at time, I suppose. I am glad to be working outdoors, it's always been where I've found some peace, I just hope it can continue. Without saying too much, my current work was an emergency hire position and that has an end date. I've been applying around more, but within this specific organization (which I love) it is very difficult to find permanent status work. So it may be a little incongruous for a bit. Anway, really grateful for your response.

[pammers]

I was just diagnosed and I'm in my 50's. And honestly, it was getting worse each year because I didn't know how to manage it (since I didn't even know I had it) and my anxiety and depression got worse in the process. I was a high functioning ADD and had been able to make it through in most areas of my life, but it got harder as I got older.

So I'm not a great example because it did get wayyyyy worse for me, but that was because I wasn't diagnosed. I did get on an anxiety and depression med that worked great, but I continued to struggle and was so frustrated with my crappy performance at jobs, my horrible memory, my lack of motivation, and so on. I knew there was something going on and sometimes felt like I was going nuts.

That first day of taking Adderall was life changing - I suddenly understood how my brain was supposed to work! I can't even tell you what a change it was for me, and I was lucky that the first drug I tried worked. Plus meeting other adults who have experienced the same as me, that was a big step forward.

Since you have been diagnosed, you have a great advantage to me and can continue to move forward. You now know why you are the way you are, and that is a huge first step. Hopefully the meds will get figured out soon. Just keep on trying, don't give up, and cut yourself a break - I went thru 2 bankruptcies myself, and I know how horrible it is, and how horrible I felt about myself. But you have a whole new life in front of you - who knows what it will bring.

Good luck to you!

[sortofoutdoorsman in reply to pammers]

Wow. Thank you. So good to be able to commiserate about the challenges. I wouldn't say I'm "high functioning" hahaha, I function, but if I start feeling lonely (which I live pretty far from home right now), I get a bit depressed. I'm actually at work right now because I fell asleep at 630pm last night haha and while I have to be up at 450am, I woke up at 1020pm and was WIDE AWAKE for about 3 hours. Thank you so much for the support. I'm really looking forward to being a part of this community.

[wtfadhd]

Impulsive overspending cuz im miserable, moving from East to west n back again over n over like a lost gypsy, college was a breeze, sudden mood changes, failed relationships, getting fired n changing careers, yep! Welcome to the club, lol. Not sure if it gets easier. Im 46. Dx at 40. Im still figuring it all out too. This group is super helpful for me. Its my tribe of people for sure. Even though the details differ, everyone on here knows the underlying feeling cuz we all feel it too. Cheers!

[sortofoutdoorsman in reply to wtfadhd]

Haha wow we're very alike! And I love your username! Wish I'd have thought of that lol. Glad there are so many responses and so many get it. The hardest part of any mental illness is the lack of people around you who seem to want to discuss it. Coping strategies and meds and all that. Gratefully I also have a cousin who has ADHD, it took a while for him to be diagnosed as well, and we see the same psychiatrist, so that helps too. Thanks for the encouragement!

[DesertAl]

Hello,

I was diagnosed at 50 with ADD, spent my first 50 years undiagnosed also dyslexic.

You shouldn't have to suffer from anxiety. Two things work for anxiety, cognitive therapy, and meds. My understanding is that cognitive therapy is equally effective as meds, my suggestion, do both.

I would also back away from alcohol for anxiety; it can cause additional derivative impacts.

I have been on a 40mg dose of Vyvance for a while now;

the effect is supportive yet not overpowering. I am also taking a 200 mg dose of Zoloft daily. I have noticed an increased depressive tendency when missing my dose over the last year.

I am aware of someone having bowel issues with higher doses of Vyvance; they had to go back on Adderall.

Finally, be kind to yourself.

Great to have you aboard.

Allan

[RCJH8610]

Hello! Welcome to the group! I was not formally diagnosed until I was 30. I did excellent in school but always had anxiety, OCD, and depression. My life completely changed for the better after beginning treatment with Concerta. I had no idea what it was like to be able to focus, feel confident and sure of myself... it was an overwhelming feeling. As you may know, there is no magic pill. Some days are better than others and I am constantly learning new ways to cope. I hope you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone ❤️🙌🏼

[NYHC]

This sounds lame, but I’m proud of you for being on here and making it as far as you have. Life is rough and the fact that you are doing as well as you are having spent most of your life untreated, shows how strong of a person you are. I am not quite your age yet so I’m not sure if it will get worse, but I ask myself everyday if it will ever end. There are so many people willing to be there for you so if it does end up getting worse, just know you won’t go through it alone.

[F_RN_Dx_at_39]

Ugh. I was just diagnosed over a yr ago. They say staying active, especially cardio and other things (I'm guessing you climb) can be really helpful, at least in the short term for a few hours. It's been a rough trip for me, but finding this group and actively working on myself through therapy, reading up on ADD, meds and providers has been really helpful.

[HowCome]

I’m 47, and very recently diagnosed.

Not sure about the future, but i look back and wonder if periods of Poor sleep have had the biggest impact (mostly being rubbish at going to bed, but also sleep disturbance while my son was baby thru pre-school).

Look at CHADD of Northern Virginia, i think I saw they have Zoom support groups Running at the moment. (I’d like to look in but i’m in the UK, so i should be in bed by the time EST evening meetings arrive.)

Maybe there are support group's on the West coast for you, too!

Anyway, best wishes!