Dating and ADHD

[pippapeach]

Hey y'all! Little bit awkward to post this online, but yay for impulsivity I guess. Basically, I've never had a romantic relationship or anything like that (unless you count a flirtationship in like 6th grade). I've always been more focused on school or super anxiou, so I never really got into a relationship. Since I'll be in school until I'm literally like 30, I've decided to be brave and try a dating app.

I both have and research ADHD, and primarily focus on social problems associated with ADHD, so I know the research behind ADHD and romantic relationships (and have first-hand experience with the platonic relationship issues ADHD can be a part of). I think I'd just like to know if any of y'all have tips to help combat relationship/dating problems from the start, even if it just helps to calm my anxiety about it. I'm open about having ADHD, but I also try not to kick down doors and yell that I'm diagnosed with ADHD (if that makes sense), so I'm not sure about including it in my profile or in super early messages. Any thoughts?

[wtfadhd]

Yes, my thought is that you are super intelligent for putting so much thought into this!! I think it is going to save you from insane frustration! Lol

My god, if I knew then about ADHD what i do now( and need to know much more) the trajectory of my romantic life would have been so very different!

My thought, be very open about your ADHD right away! Try to assess how much they might understand and capable of putting up with. And you too, ADHD is frustrating, even the best of relationships are frustrating, and so pick a partner who is worthy of that extra stress,😉.

Good Luck!

[Rickytshirt]

I'd concentrate on being yourself without worrying about labels and potential negative issues. You'll get around to that conversation with everyone you spend time with eventually. The important thing is they get to know you in person and words on a screen won't convey that half as easily as just being around them and having a real conversation. Yes ADHD symptoms can cause problems in relationships and an understanding partner will be accepting of you and these can be mitigated in the fullness of time. However in the initial stages of dating I would just try not to be too nervous and be happy. Remember, everyone wants to be around happy people.

[GatsbyCat]

Hello pippapeach!

I think that you're very smart to research this area out. ADHD can definitely contribute to conflict in relationships, dating, marriage.

I didn't know that I had ADHD until about 1 1/2 years ago, and then after my diagnosis, a lot of situations started making sense. I am fortunate to have a very supportive fiance. Choose someone that is intelligent and understanding to date/marry. The better they are able to understand and support you, the better your relationship will become.

Being upfront about your ADHD will certainly help any potential partner understand some of the issues. I've been working on myself and my habits through reading, and CBT (cognitive behavior therapy- mostly now on my own as my therapist sucked). Here's some of the books that I've found helpful:

1) Taking Charge of Adult ADHD 1st Edition

by Russell A. Barkley (Author)

AND

2) The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps Paperback – September 1, 2010

by Melissa Orlov (Author), Edward M. Hallowell (Foreword)

AND, I agree with RickyTshirt;

Be happy, be yourself, and work towards your own goals in life. Give yourself positive self talk, and don't beat yourself down. Also, stay focused on what you would like to accomplish in this short life and remember that YOU CAN DO IT!

Best wishes on this awesome journey of life.

Regards~

GatsbyCat

👻👾

[sortofoutdoorsman in reply to GatsbyCat]

Barkley and Hallowell are amazing! I'm gonna go get those books now I just finished Driven to Distraction by Hallowell and...some other guy...anyway, super insightful and can really help in understanding that we're not the only ones who are experiencing this.

[PineapplePrincess]

Omg. I love you. "Yay for impulsivity" 😂😂

I would not mention the ADHD that early. It's nothing to be ashamed of - I'm open about mine too - but it's too complex to explain on your profile or in early messages. People don't really understand it so I think it's best to bring it up during a conversation where you have more opportunity to discuss what your diagnosis means for you.

Besides, plenty of folks struggle through relationships without realizing they even have ADHD. Maintaining a romantic relationship is always work, but it sounds like you're at an advantage because you are already aware of the specific pitfalls that could arise for you.

Good luck out there!