hard time understanding wit and sarcasm?

[Skittlebrain]

Does anyone else struggle with understanding witty people? I’m not sure if this is an ADHD thing but for me I have the hardest time “getting it” when people are being witty or using sarcastic humor...I’m like miles behind when someone does that and then I feel awkward because I didn’t understand or catch on and I usually even need someone else who did get it to explain it to me or add further context to the conversation in that moment and then I will catch on but man does anyone else struggle in this area? I think somehow dry humor/sarcastic humor/witty comments just don’t compute to an ADHD brain- maybe it’s a part of our brain that doesn’t work properly? Let me know your thoughts!

[Skittlebrain]

I don’t know how to edit my post to add this so I’m commenting it and adding it but this issue I spoke of also includes when people are trying to be discreet or subtle, I NEVER pick up on subtlety, I always tell people I need them to give me direct clear communication because I will miss the mark if someone is being vague. For example I used to have a co-worker who would always try to communicate something to me discreetly with hints and body language that she thought I’d be able to detect and then the moment would pass for whatever she was trying to get me to notice and she would roll her eyes and act like I was dumb for not understanding and this happens with my husband as well but he is more patient with me about it than she was.

[Hidden in reply to Skittlebrain]

Oh my god yeh, my whole body doesn’t know whether to feel crushed, dumb, frustrated, stupid all the whole lot when I get the eye roll.

[Hidden]

I’m exactly the same, i get so many things explained to me it’s unbelievable. Your definitely not alone, I’m dyslexic too I don’t know if that’s anything to do with it....

[Skittlebrain in reply to Hidden]

So glad someone understands this, like you can’t be subtle with us who have ADHD you have to spell it out clearly! I hate when someone won’t just come out and say what they are trying to say like just get on with it already! Because I’m most likely not going to pick up on any hints you throw out so don’t be vague lol maybe our brains are too colorful and detailed for people who try to be discreet so maybe the joke is On them when they roll their eyes and wanna act like we are slow! Haha

[Learner51]

Hi Skittlebrain! (Love that self-deprecating screen name)

For context, I’m 51. I totally feel you on not getting some humor and sarcasm and missing subtle cues, which can be VERY painful. I think I’ve adapted over time to where I get most humor and sarcasm. Understanding subtle cues in relationships, especially when they’re new, is still pretty hard, but I’m way less clueless than I used to be. I recommend working on understanding why your brain doesn’t excel in this area and learn adaptation tools - and use them with people who deserve your understanding like your husband. I’m working on the same right now, too.

All the best and good luck!

G

[TheTaoOfPhil]

Hi Skittlebtrain,

I am new to the forums but since I and most people with ADHD operate in "curvilinear" time, I'm not writing an official introduction yet

Bear with me and I promise I'll get to the point.

I'm 57 and recently diagnosed with ADHD. I also have CPTSD. I was hoping that my ADHD diagnosis would explain why it is that I experience extreme exhaustion from dealing with social situations. Yes, I am introverted, but it's really to the point where the effects of social interactions on my mind and body generally leave me with such and aversion to them that I have become a bit of a recluse.

I only add that here because the psychologist who diagnosed me (who has many decades of experience in this field) insists that what I am describing is not an ADHD symptom but sounds like what people who have aspergers describe. He did not diagnose me with aspergers because I don't have other signs of it.

This sent me on a repeat dive into the rabbit hole of youtube videos on adult autism (I had taken a look at this earlier this year as well).

I could say a lot more about what I learned, but the thing that's most relevant to you is that I TOTALLY get what you are saying about social communication. I cannot stand it that people don't say what they mean clearly enough. I often spend a good deal of time in social interaction giving people what must feel to them like the 3rd degree about what they said in order to walk away from the interaction with the confidence that I've really understood them.

And not getting irony -- like, taking everything literally -- yes.Having had a number of decades to work on this, I too have adapted by keeping in mind the option that the things people say sometimes are not intended to be taken seriously. But it's not my default.

Here's the thing: as I understand it, these, too, are really autistic traits. (Not getting body language is also a classic social communication issue for aspies.) And there is a significant co-morbidity rate of autism and ADHD.

I'm not saying that I or anyone else in this thread has aspergers or is otherwise on the autism spectrum. (Getting a formal autism diagnosis is extremely expensive and I suspect that in my case the results may not be definitive. ) But I do identify with a good number of autistic traits, the irony and literalism and body language traits being among them.

I hope this helps.

TD

[smittyjms2222]

Don't take it personally and its not an ADHD thing. It's not a you thing its them. Its the other person being sarcastic/witty because they are insecure. Sarcasm and remarks of being witty is a negative response. The other person thinks they are funny and in reality they aren't.

Dirt off your shoulder and don't take it personally. Its not that you don't understand what they are saying, you are just more intelligent than that person.

[pragman]

I think sarcasm relies on unlikely behaviors or scenarios, and for folks like us who see all kinds of logical possibilities, its hard to categorize sarcasm....I can usually recognize it, sort of, but then I really don't know how to react to it. I usually follow through with a "its unlikely but possible" response, which assumes that the statement was genuine, and well, some people get frustrated because I don't "get it". Doesn't matter though, to me, these are imprecise forms of communication, and there are enough folks out there who prefer genuine communication over nuanced communication and like knowing that you're telling them exactly how you thinking and feeling about something/someone. Funnily though, I can totally catch sarcasm when i'm watching a comedy video...maybe thats because of the laughter tracks in comedy videos