Coping With Change

[worldtrvlr_wannabe]

I am a mother of 2, homeschooling with special needs, and working part time. I have known for several years about my ADHD and coped with it fairly successfully over the years. I just recently started taking medication for another health problem, and it actually helped tremendously with my ADHD, which seemed like a plus, but then I started noticing a negative effect on my relationship with my husband. Suddenly my weaknesses are my strengths. I have clarity of thought, decisive, motivation, follow through. Some of these things I used to lean on him for, but now not so much. Our disagreements have changed to hurtful words. I’m in uncharted waters here. In a way, I feel like I’m not the person he married. Any tips or resources for adjusting to our new circumstance and the effect on our marriage?

[cameron1988]

I don't have much experience with relationships but I would recommend professional help ie a therapist or counciling.

[worldtrvlr_wannabe in reply to cameron1988]

Yes I was hoping to go that route, but I dont know where to find a marriage counselor that would also have experience with the role of ADHD... any suggestions where to start?

[Applestoapples in reply to worldtrvlr_wannabe]

Hello fellow homeschooling mamma! I found this link today and have been on the hunt for a good therapist: therapists.psychcentral.com/

[Jjflash]

Hi there,the more I read about peoples' ADHD,the more I realise that they're all slightly different.Im sorry for the stress you're going through.Could part of the problem be that you used to rely on your husband a lot and now you don't.Maybe he finds it very difficult that you don't rely on him like you used to,where he liked being the one with the solutions to your problems.I don't know,only you and your husband know.Maybe you could try counselling as a couple where the cards get laid out on the table so there's no assuming on either part.Anyhow,I hope you fix this,you both sound pretty solid but you're both raw at the moment and looking to lash out at each other.You could also both try wellbeing/meditation to calm down your inner anger.All the best to both of you ok.

[worldtrvlr_wannabe in reply to Jjflash]

Yes, I dont relt on him for things, but also the things he relied on me for have changed. For example, my creativity made me good at problem solving or looking things in a different way. That strength is very weak, almost non existent anymore. It just scares me to think that maybe I'm not the person he fell in love with. Thankfully we are generally gentle, open people (despite things) and we have been able to talk about things so far... I can see how we are slowly figuring things out, but at the times when I dont know how to express what I am feeling or feel like I'm not being understood (or can't understand him haha) I wish that I had more tools available to me to help me navigate. Thank you for your thoughts. It definitely made me analyze the situation further.

[Jjflash in reply to worldtrvlr_wannabe]

Hi it's good to receive your reply.I hope you're ok by the way.Dont be too hard on yourself,you sound lovely but you've got everyday issues.I hope reading the messages on here make your life slightly easier.Also,you can't be at your best everyday so don't get down on yourself when you're struggling.If we could all tolerate ourselves a bit more when we are coming apart,things would be easier for all of us.i like the way that you keep looking at solutions,when you're stuck,it's easy to think that how it's going to be forever.I hope you stay with this outlook,you're both decent people.Take care of yourselves ok.

[Applestoapples]

Hey mamma. Hows it going? I have a second grader doing virtual school due to covid and my 3 year old stays home and basically dumps puzzle pieces in every room all day.

My therapist suggested that I get evaluated. I have yet to find someone to do so that upfront accepts my insurance.... Ever since my second child, she is now 3, I have struggled to keep things above water and always felt like an unfit mother since my first and it just multiplied with my second. I can't believe I am still married and still have a job and that people even enjoy my company let alone my ridiculous texting.

Did you ever wish people would be more straight forward with you like, "hey, I can't understand your question can you ask it in a different way?" Like you would if you were a customer service rep? Maybe that's what we need... a customer service representative to explain why or where our brains decided to go with that particular information or thought.

Anyway, I feel you! And I am glad to have found a fellow mom with ADHD as all signs point that direction for me. I am about to open up a can of worms on this marriage as I embark on this journey of self help and development and waters have been murky to start.

I'll continue to share any new found info with you as it pertains to marriage and adhd.

Take care,