In my head for too long, here’s what’s happening

I get confused when they say, be honest and express your feelings. Then When you finally get the courage to do so, which is, like out this world for at-least me. Like I don’t do feelings, I don’t understand them, i spend more time asking myself inside “why are they responding this way” and comparing body language and gestures to things I would do since I’m aware I respond to certain things a certain way. I get sad inside and feel not human when I get this feeling of expectation from others that I actually understand. I hear myself more than I do them.

Stopping myself in being negative, I do sometimes lol find it funny catching myself thinking about computer parts and stuff( I loooove computers haha) as I’m trying to have a serious conversation about something.

The good thing is, I’ve found the set of friends who, despite my questionable behavior with ADHD, actually make me feel appreciated and not alone. One friend she stops me when I get negative and I’ll do the same to her, we give each other quotes and help each other through the day making sure a good day isn’t put to waste.

What works for me is, if you can relate, I hope this helps if you haven’t found benefit in it yet. I have a good amount of years abusing substances so I’m sure it plays a part in how my mind has turned on me. It’s working more and more in reverse and wants me to fail. That’s how I feel. So what I do is expose myself to others. Humiliate yourself in a positive way with the right people. Give your mind exactly what it wants. But don’t hurt yourself either. I do it in a way that pushes me towards my actual goal in bettering myself. If I relapse or want to relapse, normally I’d lie and keep to myself. Now, I say it to people I trust and in a way like I committed the biggest crime. To get the feeling of uncomfort and then associate that with the thoughts of using. So I hope eventually, when I think of using, I get the bad feelings and don’t turn to them as quickly. Idk I’m super wild with the shit I do sometimes. I feel that I sound insane. Which I probably do 🤓

It’s so so so important to look at ADHD and it’s symptoms and immediately make each of those symptoms your strongest feature of yourself. Train yourself to go against them until you have gained control of them. Working against the symptoms is painful and extremely difficult but just like working out, it gets easier and you get better. Let things start foreign to you, like being “wtf is this dude talking about”. That’s the best place to Start. Just continue asking yourself that and repeat what I said, “make each of those symptoms your strongest feature of yourself”. And use your wonderful head to explore possibilities. Do it as many times as possible until your tired and/or lose interest or get distracted. Then return to the same again when you remember and repeat. Doing that is the hardest, because ugh we have to remember and stuff. It’s the hardest because mastering that, will give you the sudden realization of being in control most of the time.. not all lol. It would be awesome but hey! Positive minds! Lol

Master and get just the slightest grasp of your own self and thank yourself everyday and love yourself for being kind to yourself by letting yourself be in control of you.

Always look up. Never down. Ain’t nothing but shit when you look down. Hahaha.

Ok yeah that was like I just ran a lap around the US. I’m out!

Love you all and peace out

[zonarosso]

Love it. Mastering the self defeating part of your brain (It may help to give it a name, mine is Monkey Mind from Buddhism) is extremely tough because we're conditioned to believe we don't have a choice. Like you said, delaying action and analyzing your feelings are the first step in realizing you have a choice to react with action or choose to tell the Monkey Mind 'not today'. Thanks for sharing your strategy's.