Reject can hurt--but did you know that for some people with ADHD it can be almost debilitating? Rejection sensitive dysphoria co-occurs with ADHD and people who experience describe it as "catastrophic."
Is this also your experience? How have you found ways of coping? Read more from the expert in RSD at "Rejection Can More Painful with ADHD" at bit.ly/nrcRSD .
I applaud this article. Since being diagnosed with ADHD, I have spent hours thinking back through my undiagnosed years. My internally focused research has brought me to a conclusion that maps very closely to the article.
My ADHD behaviors have been impactful, yet the most damaging impacts of my ADHD are the derivatives of the ADHD impacts which precipitate out of the acts as deep, broad feelings of shame. This isn't just any level of shame either, this is debilitating gut-wrenching pain. A failure of any level brought shame and guilt. I lived my live with shame right around the corner at all times. Our human society loves to shame, a fact that indiviuals with ADHD know all to well.
I recently answere an ADHD specific question on Quora from a mother of young ADHD diagnosed adolesent, her question was what she could do to help her son. My response was simple, do not shame you son. When he fails to complete a task he is not lazy, he is not uncaring, he is not spoiled and he is not disrespectful: he is, trying as hard as he can becuase, the only thing he every wanted was to make his family proud of him. Shame will bring pain and isolation, not success and sociability. Quick Judgement seems to be pervasive these days.
Thank you for posting. It all fits for me. I described how I feel as having a “fear of abandonment.” Fear of rejection equals fear of abandonment for me! My feelings are like shards of glass. If you have found something that works for you, please share here or privately.
I like this article very much: chadd.org/wp-content/upload...
my partner (RSD) of 8 months dumped me via text. I feel concerned for him and how he may be feeling, since the reaction was so extreme. Would it be wise to check in on him?
Hello Anne B,
It's natural and kind to feel concerned for your former partner. However, since the break-up is still very recent it may be wise to let thing sit for a while and not check in on him.
Take this time right now to focus on yourself, what you need and the things you would like in the future. It's a time to rest. He decided to call things off, so you may want to leave that ball in his court and take care of yourself right now. You deserve good things and the time and space to pursue those good things for yourself.
Best wishes during a difficult time,
Karen
CHADD's National Resource Center on ADHD
I have heard my whole life that I am “too sensitive”
For me, it is the hardest part of having ADHD, it’s impossible to describe adequately and people don’t understand that we’re not over reacting - the pain is REAL and it’s soul breaking. When you have been rejected by your peers and your family over and over it makes for some pretty shitty self esteem. The worst part is that in the midst of it I feel completely justified in feeling the way I do. I don’t feel like I’m being too sensitive, people, in my experience, are nasty.
It’s not until later that I realise maybe it wasn’t that bad and then the shame kicks in. Honestly, it’s easier just to isolate myself now
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