I need some advice. I have a child who was diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago. In all my research on his behalf, I began to realize the traits being described described me as a child. So I read some articles about adult ADHD, and ADHD in women.... my mind was BLOWN at how much I related to it all. I learned about the genetic component, and how mine was a common story (your kid is diagnosed, then you are). I had been struggling a lot in recent years with what seem to be anxiety issues at times (which I believe is playing a part here), but ADHD seemed to be looking like a bigger part of the picture, and perhaps more at route of the anxiety. (Stress plays a big part, too, but even that seems to be amplified by the ADHD).
So with that bit of background info... I recently started seeing a therapist to try to diagnose the possible ADHD, and to deal with some of the stress and work through all of that.
Trouble is, the therapist doesn’t think it’s ADHD. Her reasons are that a lot of my symptoms are present in anxiety, and she doesn’t see a lot of the “hallmarks of ADHD” in me.
But.... the hallmarks she listed are more typical of boys. I’ve done a lot of research about adult ADHD in women, and I feel like she’s missing the mark. I honestly feel like she’s misinformed. I also realize, however, that she’s more knowledgeable on the subject than I am, as a whole, I just am not convinced she understands how ADHD presents differently in women. She has also asked me very little about my possible symptoms as a child.
I guess what I’m really wanting here is opinions from those of you who have been diagnosed - should I schedule with my GP to discuss this further? Or a psychiatrist? She recommended I try my son’s meds one day and see how I feel. She also recommended talking to my son’s psychiatrist the next time I’m there about myself, or at least the differences between ADHD and anxiety. (I’m not very comfortable with that - would rather keep his appointments focused on him.) She also said I was a “tough nut to crack”, and that she wasn’t sure which one or both were going on with me.
Any advice you might have would be so greatly appreciated!
Written by
JannS
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
She may NOT be more knowledgeable on the subject: a LOT of professionals have been trained in outdated if not simply wrong information—they are merely human, after all, and have limited time to spend researching their patients' conditions, while the available knowledge often continues to grow too fast for them to keep up.
This is especially problematic for ADHD in women, as culture and biochemistry BOTH bias them toward inattentive presentation, while professionals WERE long trained to recognize only impulsive or combined presentations that cause OTHERS difficulty—not to mention the long-disproved notion that ADHD “goes away” (when, in fact, the patient merely learns to accommodate enough that their symptoms fail to bother others).
ADHD and anxiety are common traveling partners; but the natural consequences of ADHD can also cause substantial worry—still without a cause that is clear to patient or provider, because each ASSUMES wrongly that the patient's life is otherwise normal!
This is no small concern, since treating neurochemically-based anxiety that isn't actually present can worsen ADHD at least as badly as failing to treat it when it is present would. (Neurotransmitters boosted by most anxiety treatment, if increased too much, down-regulate those that need to be boosted by ADHD treatment, and vice versa.)
Recommending you try your son's medications is both illegal AND irresponsible—full stop. Putting aside State and Federal statute concerning any prescription—not to mention controlled substances—anything that might deprive him of what HE needs would be wrong.
At least this therapist appears not yet to have decided, entirely; but likely isn't free of diagnostic bias, either.
Thank you for the reply. Yes, I was a little taken aback when she suggested trying his meds.
She told me she didn’t think I had ADHD because people she sees that have it can’t hold a conversation and are bouncing off the walls.
This was concerning to me because I’m 42, so probably I’ve learned how to focus in certain situations (or at least appear to be), and learned not to bounce off the walls. Also, these aren’t universal traits, especially not for women.
She doesn’t know how hard I work to focus in those situations.
I’m wondering what I should do now? She’s not wrong - there is definitely anxiety present, but I think it’s biggest contributor is my suspected ADHD, along with stress.
So who should I see? My regular GP? Do I need to go to a psychiatrist? I hate to go through that whole process when I already have a therapist, and finding a therapist was hard enough. (It was hard to find some who took my insurance, which was a surprise. I also prefer a female.)
Any advice on what my next step should be would be greatly appreciated!!!
In the end, you'll need an MD—be they psychiatrist, GP or internist—to PRESCRIBE, unless you find an alternative therapy that works for you: a therapist without a medical license can't do that—even if yours is in practice WITH an MD, she'll have to refer you.
I was undiagnosed ADD for years, I am not hyperactive, rare for a guy....
I would get checked out, psychiatrist but one who specializes in Adult ADHD. You owe it to yourself and you kid.... the better you are the better you are for him.
Everyone is different meds help but are not a cure. You need to figure out what works for you, as well as what helps your son.
There are conditions which will go hand in hand with ADHD. Co morbidity ,
Thank you for the replies! Meds I’m not sold on, though they seem to have helped my son. (I think he is needing an updated dosage, however.)
I’m really looking for how to go about getting the diagnosis. It’s hard to tell if someone specializes in adult ADHD! Maybe I’ll just ask my son’s therapist or call their office and ask. Idk if I’d want to see the same guy my son sees... that might be awkward?
She needs to read Women and ADD by Sari Solden. Also, Anxiety and/or Depression are also present in approximately 70% of people who have ADHD. Finally, I can tell you, it presents differently in women and girls. There's a book by Littman and Quinn called ADD and Girls that speaks to this. The part estrogen plays in this equation is significant. Ask her to research it more or you may want to do research to locate another therapist.
Hi Jan, I’ve recently been through the diagnosis route so I’m very familiar with it. It’s not an easy route currently as funding was withdrawn for adult adhd assessments with the NHS die to a huge backlog in the system still to put through. I’m not sure if the gates have been opened yet but I’ll tell you what I did.
I decided to go private and as I have a lonnng history of mental health issues and diagnoses (OCD, bipolar, social phobia? Anxiety disorder to name a few) my GP referred me to the Autism service (which I thought strange as we didn’t talk about autism so I was confused)
Anyway, to cut a long story short it turns out I have high functioning autism too. I asked my GP to refer me to a private practice (Birmingham priory) I paid to go private and it was the best thing I ever did.
I’m 40 and have ASD and adhd. Apparently it’s quite common to be diagnosed with several mental health labels due to the amount of coping mechanisms I’ve had to apply through life which then become more traits for diagnosis. If you look at the additude website there is an amazing article On executive function and why when lacking this can cause numerous problems throughout life as you can only rely on your emotions to drive you forward as planning, timing and forecasting are missing pathways
I hope this helps. Please feel free to PM me if you want anymore info, I’m happy to help anyone dealing with these issues so if there is even a morsel that can help I’m happy to oblige as I know Only too well - my son has ADHD too. I was diagnosed after him.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Getting an actual diagnosis
I suspect I have ADHD (adult woman) 
26F Late diagnosis: any advice appreciated
Do I tell people or not? 
Is Neuropsychological testing in an ADHD Evaluation Important?
