I'm the one with ADHD, but in my relationship I'm the one who does all the looking after

[wishy2]

i read posts and articles about how to lobve wth someone with ADHD, which I accept can be difficlt! however, I find I'm the one who does all the forward plannong, takes everyone in a big family into consideration, looks at the bigger picture and changes plans and has to be flexible for the best of everyone. I look for opportunities for my ADHD kids, I lbby school, I follow through to make home a good learning environment, set up appointments, psychologists, doctors, do medication. I plan housework, meal plans, shopping, washing, child care, think of who I can get to help with homework.... everything. I also used to work in quite a high powered academic and medical job, and have had to give that mostly up to be able to manage everything. But these are all the things out of my skill base. Recently I was told how frustrating it is that I change plans all the time... but this is hardly ever ever for myself or through disorganisation. I take it on board, that stability and structure are best, but I was infuriated and deeply insulted. I just want someone to say what you do is amazing. the fact you do it whilst struggling with your own ADHD and the ups and downs that are part of meds is incredible. arghhhh

[PoppyWithADD]

I'm single with no kids but I somehow still relate to this. I feel like I need someone to take care of me but there are so many administrative tasks I have to take care of all the time, wth mixed success. It sounds like you don't feel supported by your partner, and I am guessing you are female and they are male...I shouldn't assume, but I know that is a common dynamic. I hope you can get some support and acknowledgment. You are working hard and doing a good job!

[hairynosedwombat]

hi wishy,

i can't believe this post has been sitting here for three years, and only poppy has replied. i feel totally let down by the site. maybe people have contacted you directly?

i absolutely relate to your post, but perhaps in a different way from poppy. the bit that resonates with me is the guy (is he a guy? your partner?) who does so little, leaves so much to you, and then apparently belittles you for all that you do.

in my "book" you were right to feel infuriated and deeply insulted.

the only thing i can really say to you is that you are amazing. what you do is amazing. and the fact that you do it while struggling with your own adhd and all that brings, is absolutely incredible. well done. and from your children (until they are old and wise enough to say it for themselves) THANK YOU.

take care, and be proud.