New member

[lydiadd]

Hi, I am new to this site. I am a 51 year old woman who has been married for 27 years. I am an at-home mom as well. It was recently suggested to me by my current therapist that I have ADHD, even though I have felt that I have ADHD for years based on the research I was doing for my daughter, but my therapists at the time said that that is impossible because I would not have graduated from high school and have earned a BS degree (which I know now is complete BS).

We have 3 children, a 24 year old low functioning Autistic, nonverbal son that is mostly dependent, a 23 year old son in Grad School and a 20 year old daughter in her 4th year of college and expected to graduate June 2018, who was diagnosed with ADHD at age 9. She was on Adderall until age 16. My husband recently found out that he is highly sensitive and gifted. This has helped him because he has always been extremely sensitive and emotional. He often, and has for a number of years, felt lonely, invisible and frustrated by my behavior. He feels that I put him and our relationship on the back burner to be handled or dealt with later. I tend to unknowingly and constantly shut down on him, I am impulsive, forgetful, extremely unorganized, have a highly addictive personality when it comes to on-line games on my Android device or reading paranormal romance books. I am having (and have been for a while now) marital issues. We recently started reading the book "The ADHD Effect on Marriage" which has been very helpful explaining a lot of my behaviors. He says feels that I am always in the "Now" and "Not Now" cycle.

I have been on depression medications (Prozac and Bupropion) for over 5 years. I am also in therapy, depending on my therapists schedule my sessions are between 1 and 2 months apart and I attend group meetings every 2 weeks for Women with Childhood Sexual Abuse. I have a lot of issues for which I am trying to get help. I have also been diagnosed with Anxiety and PTSD. As you see, I am all over the place. I try to work on my deficiencies but I always slip back, due to forgetfulness or my short attention span, into my routine of getting distracted from completing tasks and getting more organized.

I am trying to find a support group that I can attend and that my husband can attend as a non-ADHD spouse in the South Bay area of CA. I joined this group to be able to voice my frustrations, share my triumphs as well as my failures in an environment that has others who have similar and other issues that come with being an Adult with ADHD.

This was a long introduction and maybe TMI to some, but I am trying to be as open as possible. Thanks to those who took the time to read this post in its entirety.

Lydia

[mattyr]

Hi Lydia,

It sounds like you have a great deal going on. My motto around my ADHD/history and relationships is "get your oxygen mask on first". My suggestions are here.

Not to be attempted all at once!

1. For your counseling, make sure you are getting what you need - frequency of appt, meds as well as type of resources for PTSD and ADHD.

2. Know how you best learn - if reading working for you to retain information, keep doing it. If not, look for another vehicle. I can't retain when I read. I can enjoy but not keep that information.

3. Keep going to and expand on support groups if you have the time (S-Anon, CHADD etc). Volunteer if you can.

4. If you can safety trial medications to assist with your ADHD, consider them.

It helped me greatly to learn, be present in my relationships and retain important information.

5. Look for things that make you happy

6. Nurture your relationships with your spouse and kids and share what you are doing to be connected to them. Share your plans and how you will keep on track. Share why they are important to you.

I always need a plan or I fail to make changes that stick.

7. Consider setting limits to your online/gaming time. For sensitive people it is seen as neglectful.

I had to just cut out gaming altogether based on the damage it had in my spouse relationship.

8. If you are like many adults with ADHD, you may not do your share of planning activities with your spouse. Make sure you take care of birthdays, anniversaries, surprises. They make a huge difference and earn you major points in real life.

Best, Matt

[lydiadd in reply to mattyr]

Thank you for your thoughtful response. You definitely gave me some valuable tips. I appreciate any and all of the help that I can get. I was just researching books on ways to get organized when you have ADHD. I definitely need help with that as well as working on my relationship with my husband.

Thanks again, Lydia

[Leo1865]

Hi Lydia,

I feel your frustration. I am feeling the same way. " I am impulsive, forgetful, extremely unorganized, have a highly addictive personality when it comes to on-line games on my Android device or reading paranormal romance books." I am the same way, with the exception for reading. I can't retain most of what I read unless it is a magazine, article or something I am very interested, and usually DIY books, books that I don't have to read the whole thing. You are lucky you are able to read. But I do like the paranormal, I was even in a paranormal group before and I loved it. My relationship with my husband, now 33 years sucks. He doesn't understand what is going on with me, even though he thinks he does. I think it is really hard for someone who has never felt the way we do to even comprehend how it affects us. My racing mind, I listen but don't hear, I often times tell him that if I don't look at you and acknowledge you I probably didn't hear you even if I answered you. I hope and pray that you find help and support in your with your problems and you can gain control of it.

It makes me feel much better when I hear other people facing the same problems I am, then I don't feel so alone.

Linda

[Faithfull]

Was a good read your life sounds bit like mine but no husband five kids well adults 4 don't talk to me to many traumas and I have PTSD can't get help nowhere