My 14-year-old son has been diagnosed with ADHD, executive brain disorder, and tic disorder. He attends a Florida public school and just started 8th grade. Two weeks ago, the school called to say that seven laptops were broken, and they thought my son was part of a group of boys intentionally breaking laptops. Three boys confessed to each breaking one. My son broke his by accident by throwing his backpack with his laptop after a bad test grade and pushed a laptop off a desk that cracked the screen. He broke two and received an out-of-school suspension, required to pay for the damage and probation. We were okay with this. He should never damage school property, but we also feel his ADHD impulsivity could have impacted his choices.
The next day, we were called back to be told that based on student witnesses (no adults, no cameras), the school said he broke four, putting him at a level three offense and allowing the administration to expel him. My son insisted it was not true and was so upset we decided to take him for a polygraph, which he passed without uncertainty. He did not break the two additional laptops in question.
We appealed the suspension but were required to attend a manifestation determination meeting this week, and based on his breaking four laptops, the administration determined that his disability was not causation.
We went prepared with a doctor’s note, the polygraph, and our challenges with no success. He has all As and Bs, no absences. We are devastated as we love this school; he loves it, and it’s his last year there. We’ve spoken to an advocate and attorney; both are expensive. He will likely be forced to attend another middle school that is not desirable. If we pay for an attorney or advocate to fight, we feel they will eventually find something else to expel him.
So many more details, but that is the gist of what is happening. Any advice or help is welcome, and please be kind. I already have daily panic attacks, no sleep, and high anxiety.
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TravelWillow
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That's definitely a serious situation that you're dealing with. It sounds like the school escalated the matter be quickly.
I'm not sure what you can do. Definitely consulting with the attorney and advocate was a smart move. Even if your it turns out that it would be better to move your son to another school, whatever the school puts on his record will follow him in his cumulative school records, so it is best for his sake that the records are accurate.
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The most similar situation with my eldest daughter which involved two incidents of theft.
• The first was by my daughter (for cash and items totalling no more than $100), and she got the book thrown at her (suspension for maximum time for the offense, juvenile record, 6 months probation, order of $150 restitution).
• The second was when my daughter's friend stole a phone from a classmate (probably worth over $200), which my daughter returned once she got it away from her friend and returned to the school office. My daughter was initially blamed for the theft, and they were going to levy more serious consequences (longer suspension, more probation, possibility of time in juvenile hall). Her friend wouldn't come forward, but admitted in their social media chat that it was her. We had to print out the conversation, threaten to get a lawyer and go to the school board, so that the principal would even take an "innocent until proven guilty" approach with the vice principal (who was the one pushing to suspend my daughter). The other girl was called in with her parents, admitted the theft, and got only 2-3 days of suspension... nothing else.
• There was obvious disparity in treatment by the school, which I think is because my daughter has a boisterous personality (and impulsivity, but not diagnosed with ADHD, but probably should have been), while the other girl was "nice, quiet, and respectful" (more neurotypical). (I knew the girl well enough to know that she was only respectful to your face; she was spoiled and put on an act for adults, but she was toxic; needless to say, the two girls did not remain friends for much longer after that).
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I don't think you'll be able to get the accusers to admit to lying. You should probably let the attorney and the advocate do the talking, but destruction of property can result in juvenile criminal charges, and expulsion goes on a student's permanent school record.
• As an alternative to expulsion, if I were in your shoes, I might offer the resolution of voluntarily transferring my child to another school if the current school would cease from following through on the expulsion.
As for your son, in this situation, he will probably need therapy. If he is telling the truth that he broke two laptops and not four, but is being found guilty without due process, this could seriously affect his level of trust in teachers, school administration, and perhaps society in general.
In addition to this community, I suggest that you also join another one here at HealthUnlocked which is for parents of students with ADHD:
Thank you for sharing your experiences and advice. I appreciate it. We've since learned that since he is in a Choice program at a public school, he is exited from the Choice program, but an expulsion does not go on record. But he'll have to go to a middle school that we do not consider safe and he's had threats against him previously from students there. Before this incident, we loved this school as does my son, so we wanted to keep fighting. Attorney is $6K, Advocate is about $3500. I received the witness statements last night and they are all over the place, with most kids stating they "heard" my son break the laptops but did not witness it. I'm trying to create a summary of the 14 statements to see if I can understand how many "real" witnesses there are but with all the redactions, many do not make sense. I have no problem taking responsibility when my kids do something wrong but that is not the case this time.
I've joined the other group, thank you for that too. We are all in therapy. My two older sons have been at wilderness camps and therapeutic boarding schools and loads of treatment. All three were beyond amazing until they hit puberty then we really saw their ADHD, executive brain disorder and oppositional defiance disorder blossom.
Thanks again for taking the time to listen. I hope you and your family are well.
The neurotypical world isn't easy for neurodivergent people.
Definitely teach your kids self-advocacy skills.
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I completely understand about not wanting you son to go to a school that's not a safe environment for him.
The same daughter went for one year to a school that was very rough. She experienced a lot of bullying there. If we had stayed there, she would have been sent to a high school that looked like a prison, which had problems with gangs and drugs. We had to move (for that reason, and others).
We moved to a place that had one of the best rated school districts in the country. That was where my daughter had the high school issues I first mentioned. There from 6th-12th grades, my eldest daughter was treated poorly and dismissively by some teachers and administrators, and treated well and fairly by others. (I know that my kid pushes people's buttons. Like I said, she probably has Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD, but nobody suggested it in her youth except for one teenager I knew who has ADHD himself.)
My older son is 8½ years younger than his big sister. He has all my Inattentive traits, but no Hyperactive-Impulsive traits. Like me, he figured out his own accomodations, so he didn't get diagnosed as a youth.
He got bullied in 4th grade at a school that, according to the principal, had no bullying because of their "zero tolerance" policy. What they did was not intervene in bullying, and waited for the picked-on kid to fight back. (According to their policy, one student who attacked another could be expelled, and might then have a juvenile record. But two students fighting would be suspended, and nobody has to go before the court.)
• We pulled him from that school, and he finished out that year at a charter school.
• Then we sent him to private school 5th-11th grades, and he finished 12th grade in homeschool during the pandemic.
His first private school was individualized education, which was a great program, but closed due to lack of students and funding.
His second private school was typical classes like public school, but no bullying at all.
• There was one large clique there running the social scene among the students, which my son was excluded from, even though his best friend was included. It was divisive, but at least it was safe.
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Some schools that look bad really are. And some schools that look good really aren't.
But some schools are actually good (or at least okay).
I don’t know what your personal finances are, but we spent about $4000 on a consultant at a law firm over the course of about 5 mo - and the school district is now paying for our kid to attend a private therapeutic school that would otherwise cost $75K a year. Therapists, SPED and psychiatrist are included so it’s also saving us a lot on out of pocket costs. District is also paying for transportation. While our kid was struggling at school, I wasn’t able to work and now I’m almost at a place where I can go back to work. Having someone on our side was also incredibly beneficial for me and my husband from a mental health perspective. It sounds like your son has a case against the district. If you can manage it, it might really be worth hiring a consultant. Reach out if you want me to share more details.
Also, have you poked around the FL Department of Ed website? There’s usually a section about discipline and expulsion and what your rights are as a parent.
I have, and they are not following the guidelines. We were told he was exiting the program before his IEP was considered. We were not provided a copy of the suspension/referral details when we were told he had to exit the program. When I requested it from the principal, I was told I'd have to wait for it in the mail. It took eight days to receive. We were forced into a manifestation determination meeting while our suspension appeal was open. The manifestation meeting was based on breaking four laptops when he accidentally broke one and purposely broke one. The difference between 2 and 4 because of the values is super important as 2 laptops is a level 2 that warrants suspension and 4 laptops warrant expulsion. We were also charged the purchase price of the laptops, not considering the depreciated value or if it was a screen repair. If they were just a screen repair, that's a level 2, even if he did break 4 (which he didn't). We requested details of the broken laptops; the principal stated I have to request through an online form, which we did yesterday but the response was that it would take approximately 10 days to provide.
While I'm venting, lol. Another challenge is that we don’t feel supported by the principal. During my son’s open house for 6th grade, the first year for this Principal at this school, our first interaction was not professional. I walked up to say hello, and she told my son, I hope you are not like your big brother.” She was my middle son’s principal at another school. Last month, during meet the teacher night, the principal called me and my husband frantically, saying that our middle son was on campus illegally with two other kids and backpacks. The police were at the school, sweeping for bombs and looking for my middle son. I was home with my middle son, thrown into a panic and scared. My husband rushed to the school, and while reviewing the video, it was confirmed it was not my middle son.
My husband just wants to give up and move him to another school. My son will be devastated. He attended school all this past week and just loves it there but I know it's a matter of time for the appeal to be denied and we'll have to move him.
Based on your success, we will discuss hiring an attorney again. We have the financial means but I was only thinking that he'd stay at this school and they'd eventually find something else to expel him with 8 months left of school. Thank you for sharing your experience, I appreciate it very much.
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How would you suggest supporting an adult son with ADHD?
