Suggestions on helping my 9 year old with ASD, ADHD, and ODD manage his anger and frustration.

[Girlygirl4]

Hi,

I am new to this sight and would love some advice on how to help my child with his frustration and anger issues. He is 9 years old and has been dealing with this for a long time. He is currently on Abilify 10mg, Azstarys 52.3-10.4mg, and Lexepro 5mg. He has a lot of sensory issues as well. Auditory is a big one. When he was in kindergarten, he would start screaming from the loudness in the cafeteria. The azstarys has helped with the ADHD, but seems to wear off around 4-5pm. He has destroyed things in his classroom when angry over little things. At home he can get disrespectful and a little mouthy. He has aggression at home sometimes as well. He wants very much to be social, but he struggles a lot within the social realm. Not flexible, does not read social cues, does not take others feeling into account, wants to do everything his way, gets mad easy if it does not go his way. I feel so bad for him, but it is also very exhausting dealing with some of his issues. I am always wondering if it is going to get better.

[Aspen797]

I can relate. Though it’s been awhile, since my child is now a teen. Rigidity, black and white thinking, perspective taking, communication skills, emotional regulation—it is simply a lot. Do you have outside supports? At that age we relied a lot on various therapies. Occupational therapy for emotional regulation ( 5 pt scale, coping technique) as well as sensory; speech for social thinking (Michelle Garcia Winner) as well as pragmatic language and social skills and a positive parenting psychologist for us so we could learn better ways of managing behaviors. Does your child have a 504 or IEP? A 504 can provide accommodations to level the field and an IEP can provide actual skill teaching — social skill, emotional regulation, sensory integration, etc. in addition to accommodations. It also provides pretty significant rights and protections. Important to take care of you too. You can only be as strong and patient and wise as you are self-compassionate. Find your support. We found it in the waiting rooms of therapy providers with other parents, through online forums like Differently Wired / Tilt Parenting, and local organizations. This forum is a truly welcoming and informative space. I have learned so much from others here and felt supported too. So glad you are here!

[PurplePizza]

Our son is the same age and also has ODD and ADHD. He struggled a lot with anger and physical aggression and it really was at its worst about a year ago. What has helped us tremendously was the use of vitamins and supplements (we tried 5 different medications with varying degrees of failure/side effects).

For anger and aggression, what has helped him the most was nutritional lithium (1 mg Lithium orotate), Mood Probiotics (Innovix Labs), and saffron gummies (Olly brand). He takes a variety of other vitamins and supplements, but those were the ones that really helped with his physical aggression. He is a completely different kid than he was a year ago, in the best possible way.

Definitely talk to your doctor, especially with your son taking other medications. These are what helped for our family. I wish you all the best!

[Mamamichl]

hmm. It’s hard when kids have this pin all of the time. My stepkid was the same way in kindergarten and first grade. He was then put into a behavior special needs classroom and transitioned out in fifth grade. It was amazing experience for him because he learned coping strategies and learned to problem solve. I’m also a sped teacher, so I know the communication trainings we go through to de escalate and to help kids get through situations. Yes it hindered his academics a bit but it helped him with making friends and focus more on mental health.

Another idea is to try to get him to meditate more and try DBT counseling specifically. They teach coping strategies.

[CHADDMOM]

You just described most adults with ADHD. The difference is brain maturation. I as an adult with ADHD, identify with all of that. It is hard for little ones to take perspective of others but understanding the social/emotional developmental delay in ADHD, pin points the most of what is causing the symptoms and other behaviors. He might also have another problem along with the ADHD. There is a very high rate of coexisting conditions with ADHD.

Whenever I’m in a social situation where it is too loud or too “Peopley” i take out my ear plugs, called “loops” that my niece bought me. She noticed I don't like loud, people or places, and being in a Irish family, I'm not going to escape that.

us.loopearplugs.com/products. they have a couple of variations. The ones I use are for noisy environments/ socializing. You can hear everything, but it tones it down to be helpful.

Hope these help. ❤️

[Jmn13]

I can relate to your exact situation, thank you for posting and reaching out. The additional feedback will also be helpful for our current situation as well. Sending hugs🤗