ADHD child with out-of-control episodes

[red1977]

My son is 7 and was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety at 3 yo. He's on medication for both (clonidine, Clonazepam, Depakote, and Fluoxetine) but over the past few months his behavior and out-of-control episodes have progressively become worse. We are now at the point where several times a day, he will go into an episode of laughing, then hitting, biting, kicking, throwing, tipping over furniture, and it will go on for up to 1.5 hours. Then just like that, something clicks and he sits on the couch and plays a game quietly and calmly. Then again out of no where and unprovoked, he'll go back into an episode like this. My husband and I just play defense all day, can't leave each other alone with him, and must send our other child and dog into our room and lock the door to be safe. I've pleaded with the providers and all they do is increase a med or two. We are at our end and can't do it anymore but have no where to turn or even know where to go for help.

Any advise from this amazing group? This mom need help!

[Aspen797]

Is your child on the spectrum? When our kiddo was the same age we struggled with some of those same behaviors. Parenting methods meant for neurotypical kids or ‘vanilla’ adhd did nothing or exacerbated the issue. The more firm, the quicker the spiral. What helped us the most was working with a psychologist who was also ABA trained. He did not work with our son at all. Instead, he taught us how to employ positive parenting techniques as well as utilize environmental supports (scheduled, shortened outings, etc) to reduce uncertainty or anxiety. We learned to spend dedicated playtime together everyday just following his lead, without directing or criticizing the play. We learned to utilize a visual schedule so we could point to ‘it’ as requiring whatever task. We used a lot of “first we do this, then we get to do that” to leverage reinforcers, and a lot of planned ignoring/walking away where we used to get upset. Most of all we did a lot of catching our child doing good. We had a very short marble jar that he could get a treat for filling and we worked to ensure it was filled frequently. Did as asked the first time? Marble. Helped pick up something that fell? Marble. Lots of reinforcement of helpful, respectful behaviors. It took a lot of practice and a lot of fine tuning, but it worked!

If you haven’t already, I would also highly recommend asking your pediatrician about supplementing with methyl B complex vitamins or micronutrients. A lot of kids on the spectrum can have difficulty processing folate and correcting for that can cause a huge change in communication, behavior and anxiety. If your child is going to benefit from it, you will know within 5 months. More on that here: tacanow.org/family-resource.... We discovered this late and really wish we had begun supplementing. For our kid who does not process folate well, the difference was huge and only gets better with time.

Those behaviors and the anxiety and frustration and isolation as parents can be so hard. If you take your child to OT for sensory /emotional regulation or to speech for social skills, reach out to the other parents in the waiting room. Often you find you are not alone. Also check out Debbie Reder and Tilt Parenting. You need to put on your oxygen mask first. So glad you are here too . I have gained so much from other parents in this space and felt so supported.

[red1977 in reply to Aspen797]

Thank you! We are in the process of ASD diagnosis as well, so this makes a lot of sense. I will look into the resources you provided. I appreciate your feedback as it is real life examples that we can use for our son as well. These online support communities are such a wonderful things for all of us parents struggling. Thank you again!

[Onthemove1971]

Such amazing advice.

One thing I quickly learned was to avoid explosions as often as I could. I knew thing that our child struggled with and I stopped challenging him when it was possible.

One example is, when he was a little older he was responsible for unloading the dish washer. So I made it a race and said... "how long do you think it would take me to unload the dishwasher?" Of course he would say 30min.. I set a timer and did it in under 10 min. I was not rushing..

In his mind he was wasting all of his time this the "time blindness" we hear about. So from then on we would set a time for 10min. He always finished before the timer went off. From then on he saw the chore as simple and easy.

He knew he was part of the household and needed to help.

This is a very challenging journey, we are always here to support you.