Parent of YOund Adult with ADHD

[VicFox]

Hi. My daughter is 23 and it's hard to tease out which of her behaviors are ADHD-related or a combination of mental health, marajuana and nicotine addiction/use, past trauma, adoption... From everything I've read people with ADHD exhibit a lot of these other qualities and behaviors. Clearly ADHD is a very important factor in how she functions.

Are there resources that I can take advantage of as my husband and I are trying to help her launch and move out. We have a hard time knowing what she is capable of - and where her lack of certain skills interfers with her adulting. What can we anticipate behaviorally as we try to commnicate about transitioning and as she transitions? How can we best set her up for success?

She is adament she doesn't want help of an kind. She has had lots of outside help along the way and is done with it. Could I benefit from having an ADHD coach or therapist that I could meet with on occassion to run some of these parenting issues we are dealing with through the lens of somewhat who understands this diagnosis?

Would love any insights from pareants with adult children and would love to know if there is a support group of any kind for those in this situation.

Thanks in advance from any wisdom!

Vicky

[Redpanda5]

Hello Vicki,

Thanks for sharing your story. Fellow parent here of a “failure to launch child.” My 19yo dd has adhd and social anxiety, an eating disorder (ARFID) and exhibits some symptoms of high functioning autism, though her dr said it’s hard to know for sure that it’s not just the adhd.

I highly recommend: aspergerexperts.com

They are coaches and their empathy for what parents go through with failure to launch kids is remarkable. What makes them different is they have lived it. They were the failure to launch kids growing up. They understand it a at a very deep level because of this and have gone on to get degrees and back their coaching with science.

You may say, but my daughter doesn’t have Asperger’s. Well, this works for kids without Asperger’s too. They help SO many challenges that have landed these kids in what they call defense mode. These kids/young adults are so overwhelmed with life and burned out on therapists that they have completely shut down.

So AE is different from other executive function adhd coaches in that they don’t teach social skills. Instead, in addition to coaching you how to get them out of defense mode, they show you how to create an internal motivation in them. It’s transforming. My daughter comes out of her room now, engages and will even leave the house with me! Not before this program though.

They help parents of kids aged 4-30! There are so many parents of young adults on this platform! There are even courses for young adults once the parents have helped them get out of defense mode.

It’s baby steps but they give you a self paced inexpensive 8 week course ($160-ish) that also supports you with group Q&A conference call with a coach twice a week with other parents who are also taking the course. You get in the que if you have a question.

It’s given me hope. No more forcing your child to do something. It helps you start where they are rather than pushing them deeper inside themselves by the demands we place on them. They have books too but I recommend the courses because of the support that puts you in community (anonymously) with other parents going through the same thing.

These guys “get” it. No, I don’t work for them. I’m just a happy client. 😁

You’re already doing great by reaching out for help. Best to you!

[Redpanda5]

I’ll also add that they’ve also dealt with trauma and adoption and addiction. I’ve been on the conference calls.