Son is more comfortable playing with girls

[Willowbee37]

My 9yr old son is at a new school this year and knows some of the kids but not super close yet. He’s seeming most comfortable with the girls during recess. Anyone notice that? Boys in 4th grade are so competitive and rough I think he just wants to be able to be silly and let loose without being harassed or tackled lol. He sits with the boys at lunch where things are more controlled. I just wondered if other ADHD boys feel like that too?

[EDVsmom]

Hello, my son is sort of the same way. I don't think on purpose, but he doesn't have too much in common with the boys. Most of the boys like to play sports during recess and my son is not into any sports. We've tried them all! He'd rather play on the playground and that's where most girls play. So he gets along with the girls better. I know he wants to befriend boys, but he also doesn't feel he has much in common. He loves video games, and I think he's still hoping to find the one kid that enjoys them like he does. Here's hoping... Good luck with your boy!

[Willowbee37 in reply to EDVsmom]

Yes, that’s exactly it. My son plays baseball but he hates the competitive smack talk of it all. Like today he said the boys were playing football and he’s just not into playing sports at recess.

[4travelers]

Ditto, my son has a lot of friends who are girls and a few boys that are like him, not into sports so much.

[Mamamichl]

I actually have the opposite issue. My daughter is in 5th grade. Though shew has a couple friends that are female, when we go to events whether she knows other kids or not, she rough houses with 13/14 yo boys. I fear she will be one of those girls who date HS boys in MS. At least I am teaching her defense. Now to teach her how to navigate relationships with older kids.

[FanTheFlames]

I do not have ADHD but was the same as your son due to developing at different rates (in some ways faster, in others slower) than my peers. I selected my peer group based on what I needed at the time.

My son w/ adhd is younger than yours, but also tends toward female friends due to normal strong childhood bonds with, and feelings of safety with his mother. He also thinks he has to be with girls to play dress up or the like. He still has to learn that he can be a boy and still like “girl colors” etc.

It is also worth considering that your son may simply, currently, have more in common with girls on a fundamental level. No matter how you feel about gender identity, there are always periods of self exploration that are indifferent to gender roles and societal expectations.

[WYMom]

I don't know if it's an ADHD thing. My son (no ADHD) was close friends with girls until junior high.

[KevanG]

I'm not sure if it's an ADHD thing. My ADHD son is best friends with a girl and has a number of other girls he plays with, though he plays with boys often as well. I'm ADHD as well and I played mostly with boys.

[artistmomMe]

I don't think it is an ADHD thing at all and I would not worry about his friendships with girls. This sounds more like an issue with you and your beliefs. Our daughter was very good friends with boys at that age. Just embrace the fact that he is being social and creating positive relationships.

[Willowbee37 in reply to artistmomMe]

Oh, I don’t have a problem with it was just curious if other ADHD kids were like that. I don’t have any beliefs about it though.