My son was recently diagnosed with ADHD Inattentive Moderate and while he does not have all the markers to have it be considered a disorder, he does have some anxious tendencies. He is in first grade and started at a new public school this year. We transferred from a private preschool that only went up to Kindergarten. Now in Big Kid School, as we call it, my son has been excited about the newfound independence he has gained. He has to walk himself into school, he can choose to have breakfast at school (if we get their early enough) and also choose to have the school lunch. He has seemed happy except for one thing: his classroom.
As part of the behavioral chart they use in the classroom, the teacher has 5 colors ranging from green to black - green being excellent to black being bad behavior. He has come home mentioning that he is receiving a black or red card most days and when asked about it, he says he doesn't want to talk about it or he doesn't understand. Upon hearing about the first black card, I immediately reached out to the teacher and asked for a quick call as I didn't understand what might be going on as he is a really great kid. While hearing all her feedback, the corrections were based on focus issues and not behavioral issues. IE. wasn't on the same page as the class, not keeping up with the class while working with specific math problems, his pencil bag accidentally spilled on the floor and while the teacher was demanding he leave it alone, he felt the need to pick it up, etc.
I am worried that while the school's admin is moving quickly with getting the paperwork to the district, he is going to be left in the classroom to be made to feel as though he is a bad kid and not a good student. He is really smart and we fought hard to ensure he had a great foundation for learning at an early age and he genuinely loves to read (currently reading DogMan series). For those parents or advocates that have been through this before, what else would you suggest I do while I am waiting on the district to help provide us with an IEP or 504 plan?
I'm already looking into parent coaching for myself and my spouse as well as a therapist that can provide psychotherapy for my son to help add tools to his tool box. I am also going to start looking into afterschool programs that can help boost his confidence but also help him with his focus. Thank you in advance for your help and I look forward to reading your suggestions.
Sincerely,
imjustamom🦄
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imjustamom
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I feel for your son. Have you shared his ADHD diagnosis with the teacher? While waiting for paperwork to arrive, most teachers would probably find it helpful to know what his struggles are and the best way to help him deal with them.
In our school you can only contact the teacher through an app or request an in person meeting. Parents are only allowed to drop off and pick up via a car line and if anything go to the office. We aren’t allowed to walk on campus.
I'm in the process of that. I've already had a phone call and have spoken with the main ESE teacher. Also, a lot of school throughout our district have the same protocol. It makes pick ups smoother but definitely keeps parents out unless we volunteer with PTA (which I am applying for now). A lot of schools closed out most non staff on premises after the pandemic.
legally schools have a set number of days to provide you with an IEP if you request it in writing. That kind of behavior chart actually made my stepkid destroy their classroom and freak out to the point of being put into a special education classroom throughout elementary. He did learn a lot of self control in those classes, but it did affect them academically.
I would ask your kid what the consequence is for being on those lower level cards. If there isn't anything other than embarrassment, I would say that those cards mean nothing and that you know he is trying his best. I would talk to the teacher about being a bit more lax on the kid because it is making things worse instead of better. You can also request to be in a different classroom, and ask what their behavior tracking looks like.
I’m so sorry your stepchild and you went through that. I haven’t asked that question but will be tomorrow. I looked at the digital grade book and there is no grade for behavior. I’m going to keep checking in regularly. Already signed up for the PTA and plan on becoming a volunteer parent.
One thing for sure is I’m going to be sending messages through the app to ensure there is a paper trail. I’m reaching out to anyone who can help get the paperwork moving along (inside and outside the school) so we can get things rolling.
I'm so sorry to hear of this early experience. Your son is already academically ahead of most of the class and if he's not misbehaving it sounds like this teacher is not understanding the situation. Hopefully you'll have time to communicate with her.
My son (now in 2nd grade) had a similar kindergarten experience. His teacher (in hindsight) was a bad fit for him and did not understand how to work with ADHD kids. She had taught 5th grade and expected way too much from 5 year olds. The outcome was a very frustrating year and my son becoming angry and aggressive (defensive as he always felt attacked and belittled) and spent most of the year in the principals office.
We moved and his 1st grade teacher was a godsend. She loved him and worked with him. He still had his struggles, but she made all the difference in his world.
All that to say, while you're waiting for accommodations and IEP to be finalized, be vocal. Be his advocate, speak up early and often. I did not and regret it. I trusted the "professionals" and as a result my son has both academic deficits to overcome and low confidence and fear to work through. I should have asked for him to be switched to a different teacher. I will always regret it.
Thank you for your response. This is what I’m afraid of and am really trying to be vocal. I had even spoken with two of his past teachers and they were shocked. I’m trying to do things according to chain of command and ensuring I take each step before going to the principals office. I know switching classrooms is an option. I am also going to ask about if the school has room moms or if I could request a note be sent out to joint a WhatsApp group so the parents can have communication. This is something we did in the last school and it worked really well.
THIS. ----> "be vocal. Be his advocate, speak up early and often. I did not and regret it. I trusted the "professionals" and as a result my son has both academic deficits to overcome and low confidence and fear to work through. I should have asked for him to be switched to a different teacher. I will always regret it."
I could not agree more. Third grade nearly broke my daughter. She is now in 5th and still reeling from her experience with a teacher that was abrasive and inflexible...not a good fit is an understatement in our case. Incidentally, this teacher also used a public behavior chart...and, to date, is the only teacher my kids have had that did so. My daughter is also only now telling us stories of some of the things that teacher said to her. (She's always struggled with sharing her emotions and reporting on what upset her at school.) Had I known that year, I would have walked into the principal's office and done a sit-in until they changed her teacher.
You're already on the right track when you mention a paper trail. If you haven't already done so, put it in writing that you request a 504 or special education evaluation. That starts the clock.
Yes. I immediately filed for it once I had the copy of the evaluation. I've already spoken with the main ESE Teacher for his school and she said she would talk to the teacher. I've just followed up to see if she actually did and also ask about help with getting my son a proctor for a benchmark exam the kiddos have in these next few days. Last thing I need is for him to get totally distracted and not finish the test. The kid is bright and I want to be sure that the initial scores reflect where he currently is academically.
One activity that has really helped our daughter a lot was getting her into a sport she enjoyed - in her case basketball! She puts a lot of her focus into her sport and then she says she can sit down and study hard afterwards. She is now 17 years old and has started assistant coaching; this has really helped build her confidence. In her freshman year she played JV and in her sophomore year she made the varsity team. There is a lot of research about kids who play sports having higher grades and I think it makes sense.
Thank you! There is a chess club available through school and we are going to try that. He has always had a keen interest and when I took him for a library class, he was very focused.
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